granddaughter moving

I do feel for you. My daughter and grandchildren live 4000 miles away and I haven't seen them for 5 years, mainly because my health is pretty poor for long distance travel. My advice is to go easy on yourself. Cry, brood, rage or whatever but keep it to yourself. (Don't tell your son.) It will pass - pain eases with time, though it never goes away completely. Hang on in there... You will get through it.

I live in England so my conception of distance is so different to yours but a few years ago my adult daughter said she was thinking about emigrating to Australia,!
We live just 5 minutes walking distance away from each other.
Since I retired I am a very hands on granny, look after 1yr old 3 times a week and during the school holidays also look after 6 year old.
But when my daughter told me she was thinking about leaving, she assumed I would be able to emigrate too because of my nursing qualification. She didn’t think my age of 60 would be a problem. But I knew my health issues would be a barrier.
So I assured her if that was what she thought was the best for my grandchildren I would support her.
But in private it broke my heart I cried so much. In the end she didn’t go she realisedthe grass isn’t always greener.
But I know it’s so hard, but you have to think what is best for them.

I only have two GC. My DS, DiL and adorable 5 year old GS lived only 1 1/2 hours away and I was lucky enough to spend last Christmas with them plus my 15 year old GD, who had always lived with me due to my DD’s ill health. Just before Xmas my GD decided she wanted to move 700 miles away to live with her mum in Shetland! My heart was broken, but I had to let her go for various reasons, but consoled myself that I could have my dear GS to stay now my GD had moved away. Then my DS announced that they were moving to the Netherlands with his job. I was lucky enough to have my DGS to stay for 3 separate weeks in the last few months, but they finally moved 3 weeks ago, and my heart is broken again. I have no other family and miss both GC dreadfully. My little GS has settled into his new school (he was home schooled in the UK) and is learning Dutch but I just feel lost with only memories to keep me going. The family is so busy exploring their new town we have only done FT once. I don’t travel well, even in the UK and don’t have a current passport. It seems that travelling to the Netherlands is going to be very expensive and take all day, so I really sympathise with the OP but have no answer to our loss. I just feel so sad every time I go into the GCs’ bedroom or see a game we had such fun with or a trip to local attractions I have taken them both to many times. Life goes on, but mine seems to have stopped without family in easy reach. Hugs to all GPs in similar positions.

Oh coleen21 you poor sweet Grandma and Paka! I do hope that since you wrote your deeply moving cry for help that you have started to feel stronger and much more positive and hopeful.

I am very encouraged by the wonderful ideas people have given you and I would like to thank them myself, because I carry a deep sadness about being cut off from my grandchildren through distance and by being disabled.

I can tell you about my very dear friend, herself from the East Coast of the USA, who has lived in the UK all her married life and raised her children here. Her elder child took his three children to the States and has been there with his wife for a long time now. She was like you when they left. But she has remained very close to all the children who live for their holidays. She goes to them and they come to her. She is not wealthy and makes big sacrifices to save for the air fare. They Skype as well and she writes to them. She sends them gifts and often buys what they need via Amazon so the postage is saved. Their relationship is very strong and the children love that she lives somewhere they can visit and go for holidays.

I really like Bradfordlass's idea of letter writing. My third child had to stay with friends while I was ill for two months. She actually asked me on return to keep writing to her! You will be able to make the letters funny and interactive and she will keep them. She will need a box for them of course...

Right now what you are experiencing is something like mourning for the impending loss. But you will come round because it is not a loss. You are still going to be her magical Grandma and Paka! You will find that your relationship will grow stronger and you will manage with the miles. They will become almost meaningless, as you overcome the logistics.

Have faith in yourself and try to be strong for the adventure that is ahead for your dear little one.

We will all be thinking of you. We all feel for you. Let us hold you up with our love and understanding.

Sending you every wish for a perfect solution, strength in your heart, confidence to overcome the miles, and an everlasting close and loving relationship with all your family, from Elle ??‍♀️?

Bluecat. ???. Bless you!

How I feel for you as although it is the sMe country 3000 miles is a very long way and I expect expensive to travel to. I have had my son living that distance away for years but without grandchildren but that is bad enough.
I think Red1 that England to Ireland is very different as it is actually close enough to get to easily and quite cheaply too. If you needed to make contact you could be there within hours, it is when far away that it is so different. Knowing that you could not get there in an emergency within a day is a horrible feeling.

Theresamb. My youngest also, being married to an Ozzie, plans to live there at some point. They have two simply adorable little boys. I cannot get to see them much though even now due to my own health problems and the damage the builder did to my house has made it too unsuitable to bring children here for the time-being.

I try not to think of it. Life doesn't work out how we imagined it would does it? I'm not being harsh - I'm sympathising! I find people who are in the same boat are those who comfort me most.

I am so glad for that you still have your family near you!

Smurf44. Oh bless you! I also do not see my family although they are not as far away as yours. It is difficult mainly due to my disabilities.

I do feel for you from the bottom of my heart. How strong we have to be as grandparents! I never dreamed for a minute when I was young that it would be hard like this!

I have often said this, and I always say that I know it is not what will work for everybody, but a big comfort to me are my small dogs. They are rescued, so that adds to my feelings of usefulness, and even when they are naughty and inconvenience me, they take me out of myself and lift me up. Obviously I know not everyone is able to keep pets or likes animals so I appreciate it is not the answer for us all.

At least as we talk to each other here we meet the abundance of human kindness and understanding that exists in human nature, and this particular thread is such a warm, kind and loving example of Gransnet, it does fill my heart will hope.

As you so kindly said, Smurf44, I too add my love and best wishes to all grandparents who are living away from their grandchildren and children so don't see them often.

We have each other here!
With love, Elle x ? ?

My daughter and her husband a 4 children live 15 miles away, (in the UK) but because I don't drive, and local buses are scarce it can take me between 1 and 3 hours to get to her. With all 4 children in 4 different schools, a husband who works early hours and all of us with very busy lives, I visit once a fortnight, sometimes more often for school events and concerts, shows etc, (My 11 Yr old GD is a semi professional singer/dancer)
It's an arrangement that suits us and I'm sure that once your son has settled into his new life you'll be able to visit to see their new home, and of course, they can always visit you during school holidays. 3000 miles is a huge distance but maybe you could discuss meeting somewhere in the middle for a long weekend.

I cried buckets when my daughter moved 9 years ago but we've worked out a visiting plan that works for us as you will.

Tears are good, but so are smiles and hugs. So smile through your tears, hug them all then wave them off with your best, (fake) smile, go home and cry into your favourite comfort snack.
Maybe start writing a letter you could send, maybe once a week, to your son fill it with little snippets and photos, just to stay in touch. Send your GD a card or short letter of her own, again with little items of news and the odd photo. Something she can treasure and look forward to.

Offer to sit with the GC when the children go on vacation. You can also meet them halfway between both coasts for a family vacation. This is what my friend does in addition to the grandkids coming to visit her on school vacations. It has worked out well for her. But I do feel your pain.

I feel your pain...x

Take heart. Yes you’ll miss them dreadfully but you’ll soon get a new routine. 6 of my 8 Grandchildren live overseas. We get to visit them, there’s FaceTime which is wonderful, there are phone calls. The world isn’t such a big place these days!!

I get where you're coming from OP. My dgs and dgd are only 6 and 3 and I get called upon to babysit and involved generally, as they live nearby. Luckily my ddil treats me and her own DM equally. I was 61 when dgs arrived and we're very close, but I'm conscious that they will grow up and then I won't be needed in the same way. It's the price we pay. As others have said, there's Skype (which seems to be a boon), Christmas and holidays.

Is there no chance you and DH could follow them over to the other side of the country?

Have you thought about the burden you put on your children by making them so central to your life?

Try to give them a break and enjoy seeing them when they feel they can give you time.

Look for another interest to focus on and give you something useful to do, to keep up your spirits and to talk to your GS about when you see her,

Good advice from. layla about booking the next visit in each time you go so you have something to look forward to. Also can you agree a date for your first trip before they leave so you know when you will next see them.?
I understand how you feel. When my DD moved abroad I couldn't help myself from crying and although I knew I was being irrational it almost felt like a bereavement. But I ended up seeing lots of her and her family we had some really lovely visits and in fact I miss those trips and their visits now she and her family have moved back nearer to us again!
Good luck and enjoy this new chapter in your lives

My great grand children live 180 miles away and I rarely see them because I can no longer travel and they are busy living their lives. However my son and granddaughter regularly Message me and send photos and we have FaceTime.
Years ago when we lived on the Continent we only saw our grandchildren once a year and in those days there were no mobile phones or computers so had to rely on “snail” mail.
As a child I only saw my grandparents once a year.
It is so much easier to keep in touch nowadays.

So sorry you are feeling so sad, that is understandable but as many others have said you are still in the same country and there will be budget flights avsilable you will see them more often than you think. There is Skype face time etc. so many wonderful ways to keep in touch so please dont fret anymore see this as a wonderful opportunity for you Don and his family, and in a few years you will be looking forward to your Granddaughtet visiting on her own . Be Happy for them and you WILL survive sending hugs?

So sad for you. I know I couldn't bear it if my grandkids moved so far away. Is there any chance you could move too?
If not, Skype or FaceTime with her several times a week. Send regular mail and set up an annual week or two that you spend with her to give parents a "break." Make it the same week annually so her parents and you can count on it and there's no confusion.

My daughter headed off to New York 8 years ago from the UK and the last things she said to me at the airport was ' Don't worry Mum, it's only for a year" 8 years on she has re-located to San Francisco and has our only grandchild. I feel that I am missing so much even though we use Facetime a lot and I make frequent trips out there. Everytime I see a gran out shopping with their grandchildren I have to hold back the tears. It will be difficult but try maintain the relationship with you DS, Dil and GC through the varied apps you can get these days. I am not sure of which coast you live on but it must be about 4 hour time difference? If so then perhaps you could arrange bedtime stories etc.

Do the mother thing. Turn up for a few days stay. Offer to babysit so they can have time out. That way you get little one all to yourself for cuddles x

Coleen21,
I’m glad to hear you are feeling better.

There are a lot of commiserating stories on here so know you are not alone. But I do wish there was more supper and uplifting spirited advice vs what you are getting.

This is no time to wallow.

Jump back in to your life with you DH. Plan something fun and maybe even a little romantic for the two of you. Have that to look forward to.

Whatever you do DO NOT “Do the mother thing. Turn up for a few days stay. Offer to babysit so they can have time out. That way you get little one all to yourself for cuddles x”

Never, ever turn up uninvited. That would be by far the worst thing you could do. For yourself and for your relationship with your son.

When he calls you, give him time to miss you keep the call light and short. Ask about him, his job, the house, DIL and their daughter. Keep it short and sweet.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Three of my five children have lived in Australia for 5, 11 and 20 years. I visit every 2 years, and stayed for 3 months when my GD, now 2, was born.
We are all going over to Oz in November, for DD’s wedding. I will be 80 then, and don’t know how many more times I will be able to endure the interminable journey.
I miss them all so much. I FaceTime with little GD and family at least twice a week. She thinks that I live in the phone! I wonder how she will react when I turn up ‘in the flesh?’ I can’t wait for a proper cuddle instead of a blown kiss!
This is the life that they have made for themselves over there, and I just have to make the best of it. I am glad that they all take time to chat with me - though the time difference makes it awkward. At least, unlike Colleen, I also have family nearby, and am glad to see them often.
I hope that you will adapt to your new circumstances,
Colleen, and find new ways to fill the gap in your lives. Other Grans have made lots of suggestions on ways to cope with the separation, so I just wish you well.

You know, when I read about people thinking their lives are coming to an end without seeing their grandchildren, I just wonder why they don't seem to have any lives of their own. Why does their happiness revolve around others? Surely happiness and fulfilment come from within. To depend on others places an unfair burden on them. If you have good relationships with your family, you are very lucky, so enjoy the good times, keep in touch, and get on with making a life of your own. Enough with the self pity! Give thanks for what you have! I expect I will get a lot of flak for posting this, but I honestly struggle to sympathise.

When I was six, we moved to California from Minnesota and I was heartbroken that I wouldn't see my grandparents as much. 30 years later I had to move away from a town where I'd made a lifelong friend and was worried we'd drift apart. In both cases I think I ended up feeling closer to the people that I loved because when we got together we spent long periods of quality time together and in between we called, wrote letters and so on. I'm as sentimental and attached as they come but it truly worked out OK. Oh, and when I graduated, I went on my own to see my grandparents and stayed close to them, visiting frequently until my grandma passed at home at 102! Hugs to you, Coleen! <3 <3 <3

The problem with moving to follow family is that you can never be sure that they won't move on again. We left England to come to Australia and be with our DD, SIL and DGC. After 4 years they moved to Africa, they did come back after 2 years, but are now on the other side of the country 5,00 miles away. It costs a lot to move in Australia as stamp duty and estate agents fees are very high. I recently lost my husband and so I feel their absence even more.
Yes, visits are fine, but I find that I need to save all my money for visits and don't have money to spend on going away anywhere else.