Competitive other GP

This is pathetic behaviour, she must have serious insecurity issues going on there, needing to be top dog all the time. Just ignore it, be yourself and next time she feels the need to outdo you, say very gently “ it must be exhausting being you” ..... or go the other way and endorse what she is saying ie. “Yes, I’m sure you will be the absolute best” .... maybe that would make her look at how absolutely absurd she is. As you are sadly estranged from your other family, are you able to chat with your son in confidence just to voice your concerns ? So sad that what should be such a wonderful time, is spoilt by such a ridiculous woman. Babies need love and support from all the family, it’s not a competition.

What she cannot do is change the relationship you will have with your GC; she sounds insecure and I wouldn't rise to a single comment or action - just carry on being happy and excited at the thought of the new GC. You will not be the only one to notice her behaviour, if not now then later on when the baby arrives. Dignified behaviour from you will serve to point up just how childish she is being.

She sounds insecure in her relationship with the couple and feels the need to upstage you maybe she is jealous of your relationship with her daughter the more you have a relaxed approach and don't enter in to to her silly game the more obvious it will become to everyone including her daughter what she's doing

I agree with Notspaghetti also she does sound very insecure who would make such a statement about being the favourite. Congratulations on your new grandchild x

I sympathise. My dad mil was like that but now my gd have grown up they can make they’re on mind up My dad mil likes to spend money on them. Last Saturday she took them to Harry Potter world paid for dinner souvenirs etc on the Sunday when they can to my house I had the youngest mowing the lawn cutting down the bamboo and clearing the summerhouse she really enjoyed her self so I think it’s best if you just do what you want and don’t try to compete

Bluebelle

I think leaving a note saying how much the dog has enjoyed seeing you from either grandparent is slightly Barney!

Look on Mumsnet, 'her' mother is almost always No 1, his mother, the terrible MIL, is expected to wait her turn and the husband is expected to 'support' all the new mother's decisions regarding 'her' baby, even if he disagrees.
Hopefully by child 2 these mothers have grown up a bit.

I think that you have hit the nail on the head Shropshirelass, our sons parents in law want to be thought of as the best grandparents, they make comments about my hubby & me to the grandchildren, & they don't even use our names to our son & his wife, we are referred to as "them or they"

Rosina's post sounds eminently sensible. I tend to let the MIL have "top dog" slot, it tends to make everybody happy. I don't enter into a competition with them, I concentrate on making the relationship with my grandchildren the best I can. My daughter has just had another baby and her MIL sees me as "competition" material. I always respond by saying how much her grandchild loves her, it slightly disarms her!

Definitely don't compete. Both my OM and MIL were so competetive when our D and S were born. It was so bad we made sure they were never invited at the same time until D and S got married! I vowed I would never be like that with our GC. Have a good relationship with DIL's mother but SIL's mother only visited for a few hours on birthdays and Christmas armed with bags of presents. Instead we have built up a special relationship with our GC's by spending time with them.

My Son's MIL is so like this but to a lesser extent. I used to be so upset and complaining to my daughter who wisely would tell me to ignore the silliness. Over the years I have come to be able to laugh at the one upmanship posts on facebook and totally ignore them. Every time she sees our mutual grandsons she has to make sure it's known and it has become boring now. We have lovely times with the boys when we see them and I don't feel a need to publicise our get togethers. It IS annoying but be the better person and ignore her and enjoy your time with your grandchild.

I often wonder how sidelined my own mum felt as a Gran. She lived near my brother and his family so saw them fairly regularly when the boys were small but she was taken advantage of sometimes by my sister in law who would leave the boys with her in order to go out shopping and for lunch with her own mum and sister. My mum said that she often suggested they came back after shopping for lunch with her, but they never did. Maybe they thought they were saving her the trouble, but I suspect they wanted time together and didn't realise my mum would appreciate adult company too. The other GPs saw them much more as a family I think.

We on the other hand lived over 200 miles away so only saw her a couple of times a year because of the distance, not helped by her not being a driver. My MIL was demanding and pushy and lived nearer ( though thankfully not local ) so saw us much more often. She would complain at times that she hadn't seen us for 'such a long time' so I had to remind her that my own mum hadn't seen us for much much longer. My mum never complained to me abouthow little she saw us but now, years after her death, I wonder how she really felt, especially when I read posts like this. I know my children didn't have as close a relationship with her than with my MIL but they didn't have as close a relationship with MIL either as those who live nearby and see their GP frequently.

Children usually love their grandparents despite some of their foibles. All you can do is be the best you can be for your AC and GC and forget what this silly woman is trying to achieve with her destructive behaviour. When children get older they see things as they really are.

You can’t change her behaviour, only how you react to it. As others have said, take a step back (or even sideways) and have your own approach to things. People who always have to demonstrate that they are “superior” are often quite insecure.

Gosh poor you? I haven’t any direct advice to give as thankfully none of the in-laws are like this! But sounds like you are level headed and know how to handle this ridiculous woman

Sara65

I think leaving a note saying how much the dog has enjoyed seeing you from either grandparent is slightly Barney!

Totally agree, this sounds a little bit competitive in itself.

I totally agree with NotSpaghetti’s post … give support to your son and your daughter-in-law … maybe making a few nice homemade meals/cakes for the new family will be so greatly appreciated. There will plenty of time for you and the new grand baby too. My own mother always said “my own children come first, the grandchildren come second. I hope this helps

This must be a first GC. It is special for your child to have a child. I too went totally bananas over my first. However it was my daughter’s and so she could say’ Mother’ in that voice reserved for Mothers. Lol, I will always be my daughters Mother after all.
Blood is thicker than water and if my DILs were to say ‘ janeeyressister’ I just cant help my feathers feeling a bit ruffled.
The poor soul you are talking about, must have massive self esteem issues and is also bonkers.
Whatever you think of her, she is now part of your wider family....you have no choice but to grit your teeth or why not just end things with a John Prescott punch( google it on utube) so satisfying, but absolutely final.

Rise above it. You're the better person which she is reinforcing by her outrageously pathetic behaviour. I'm a great believer in Karma. It will come back to bite her, big time!

Eat chocolate and carry on - hopefully if you continue to totally ignore her attempts at one upmanship she wil get the message that you are not playing her silly game. Congrats on new GC. Don't let her spoil your enjoyment.

Just think you are over looking one thing - the relationship
between said Mother and her own daughter. Possibly she is aware of her mother's behaviour and takes no notice. She seems pretty insecure and slightly jealous that you are already in her daughter's life.

It's a big change for everyone having a baby and it should be exciting. You could say something to her mother or ignore her immature behaviour as it is after all her behaviour and therefore her problem - carry on as you are and in fact laugh about it - not at her but as a way of releasing this tension from yourself.

Most parents want their babies to spend equal time with their grand parents - so enjoy this lovely time and let her childish ways become a blip that no longer bothers you.

I hear this a lot it’s quite common. I look on at it with amusement . Very childish and annoying to say the least. Obviously insecurity there probably feels a bit threatened goodness knows why, keep doing what you are doing and let her get on with it. Don’t compete. Just enjoy the time spent with your grandchild

She sounds insecure. Maybe you could find positive things about her to compliment. Was she the only person that you knew would see the note in which case do you think that it was maybe a bit needling?
It may be a habit and she isn't aware that she is doing it. She might just be a bit socially inept and think that she is having a conversation with you about the dog. It didn't really require a response but she might have thought that it did. If she says things verbally you either have to ignore it or neutralise it by sort of agreeing like 'yes, he's a lovely dog isn't he'.

Ignore.
You will have your own style of grandmothering

Children recognise unconditional love them.
Give Time and Cuddles. .

Try to ignore her but it must be hard. I know it's not helpful but I found the remark about the dog hilarious, I don't know how you kept a straight face!!!
You could of course try using her obsession to get back at her. So when a stinky nappy needs changing you hand the GC to her "I know you're the favourite so I'll let you do this one"!!!!!

Just respond by saying, "How lovely for you" and leave it at that, even if it is through gritted teeth. Least said, soonest mended.