Competitive other GP

Hows, not how, silly unintelligent me!!

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TO ALL THOSE WHO THINK I LEFT A NOTE TO BE COMPETITIVE - the note was for my DS and his partner, NOT the other almost GP! I left THEM a note as they had been worried that the dog may be nervous at me going in - he has a timid personality! I didn't want to messages them while they were away but left a little note for them to return to. NOT a competition, nothing to do with other almost GP, not a note to her, she was just being nosey.
Forget it.
Thank you to everyone else who has been kind

Caroleanne Not nice!

I know it's difficult but your best course of action is to ignore her!

I understand how you feel, I have a number of grandchildren but the family dynamics are that my AC MIL only has two - she refers to them as "her BABBIES"! That term riles me no end and they are NOT HERS! That's my rant over, sorry!

If she gets on your nerves you can guarantee that she gets on other people's nerves too. If she is so overbearing then when the new baby arrives the new parents will be glad when she's gone home. We women all know how stressful it can be bringing a new baby home and setting out on that complicated journey called parenthood.

No one has all the answers, no one is perfect so do try to rise above all her snide, catty, derogatory comments, I'm sure you're better than all that.

Relax, enjoy the fuss from Shep, do your bit for the new parents, enjoy your grandchild in your own way.

There's is no perfect Nanny and she will soon fall flat on her face with that sort of attitude.

Ps, those two "babbie" prefer to come to me rather than the other one! Just had to get that one in, sorry!

She's making herself look like a right tit.
Nod and smile. Don't compete, it's not normal. It's a massive reflection on her not you.

You know what, just quietly get on being Grandma and the little one will love you regardless.
Remember it could be worse, you could have to live with her as other Grandad has to.??

Have I got this right. They went away for a few days and left the dog ??

As most posters have already stated, just let her get on with it and don't compete with her in any way.
We have a family Whatsapp and I can guarantee that whatever I say regarding my twin Granddaughters, the other Grandma will post underneath with whatever she seems to think will out-do
my comment.
I put it down to insecurity!

My daughter's ex m-i-l told me that she thought a Mum should be at home when her children were little (several times, in fact it was every time I saw her at one stage) My daughter had a very good job and generous paid maternity leave and a good support network so no problems with childcare. I did get fed up in the end and told her that my daughter came from a long line of women who had worked hard to support their families - running their own little laundry business from home (my Gran), having a little shop in the front room (my Gt Gran) taking in sewing work (my Mum) and working in a Day Nursery (me, so my children were with me up to going to school). We have very different views on many things (probably because she is ten years older than me) - I used to try to avoid getting into a conversation with her as much as possible.

Just rise above it and bide your time. With two of my GC their other grandmother used to threaten them with me by telling them if they didn't behave they'd have to come and stay with me! Then one day when the eldest GC was about 11 she teased him at a lunch party and reduced him to tears and he came to me for comfort. After that they were fine and not scared of me. (I had never done anything to make them frightened of me). Fast forward ten years and she died and the (now grown up) GCs and I have a really good relationship. Life has a way of sorting things out - she seems very insecure if she has to keep belittling you but children are pretty good at working these things out. Stay calm and strong and I bet it will all work out in the end.

Here we go! One or two posters just have to be nasty, don’t they? If you’re going to post on here, at least acquaint yourselves with the basic acronyms, list available above. Don’t come on here, saying ‘at least write on here in an intelligent way so as to be understood’! We all understand and that’s what this forum is about, posting family problems FGS!

Ignore. As said it takes 2 to create a competition, if you don’t engage then there’s no competition. You are both equal, and you are responsible for your relationship with your ac and gc so just concentrate on that. Do not comment on her behaviour to your ac or later your gc, you will loose. Xx

Next time you see her and she yatters on, I'd say "Wow! you really are the perfect grandparent. What a role model. Have you any tips to pass on?"
I like bringing irritating people back to earth with obvious sarcasm...said very sweetly. ??

"This isn’t a ‘granny’ thing, despite what one or two people on this thread feel, it’s a person thing. My view is that children need as many people as possible to love and care for them." Very true, 'granny' has nowt to do with competition.

I think that some people are ‘competitive’ and whether they are granny, grandad, aunt or uncle, in-law or out-law is immaterial - what is difficult is when they get into your family circle.

In our case, the ‘in-law’ Granny has actually said several times that she is the ‘best nana in the world’! She has belittled me and despite our view is that she has a HUGE problem with an unhealthy self esteem, it is nevertheless upsetting
at times. We are only human after all!

This isn’t a ‘granny’ thing, despite what one or two people on this thread feel, it’s a person thing. My view is that children need as many people as possible to love and care for them.

I do hope that she calms down and PLEASE don’t get upset and say or do something you may regret.

Nil desperandum etc! ?

Why on earth would you leave a note about the dog if you knew you would be back before your family? You just fuelled her fire .Step back from this ,if you and she are territorial about a dog god help the coming baby

For goodness sake If you must write about your grievances about your family at least write in an intelligent way so as to be understood. I would suggest that you take a long look at yourself and be honest about your answers.

Shropshirelass nailed it. Her behavior demonstrates a great deal of insecurity.
Maybe it would help if she realized that your mutual role in life is to be allies instead of rivals. No guarantee that she will ever 'grow up', but I concur with other posters that you can't let her antics get to you.

She sounds bonkers to me - ignore her and don't let it get to you.

I am sorry you lost your other GC I know how this feels and how it can effect your confidence . I too have been restricted over the years and know that pain.

About this problem I had this when My daughter was expecting her last baby with a new partner. She was so in your face and so competitive. She would say to my grandson and my other grand kids ( her step grandkids) whose your best nanny ? Who do you love best? And would become very upset when they said Nanna J ( me) I would never put a child under pressure like that.

I was nanna and had been with all my grandkids before she came along. She was nanny but absolutely kicked off and insisted she be called Nanna and me called granny but my GC knew me as nanna so it just didn’t change no matter how hard she insisted.

She was much better off than me and forever trying to outdo me. Her gifts/days out were showy and over the top and always came with interference and opinions/judgments . Because I didn’t have much money (as a widow) my gifts had to be thoughtful and what was needed rather than flashy with no thought. I was always there for my daughter unconditionally and unopinionated.

At first, she her money and gifts and days out did impress but after a while her interference and competitiveness wore very thin. ( my daughter and her feel out and she is hardly about now)

I have a close bond with all my grandkids and they seem to see me as best nanny despite her efforts and inspite of me not competing with her . Her consistent putting me down said more about her than me. I made it very clear from my actions right from the start I wasn’t playing.

I think in your case she sounds very insecure and I would just rise above her. Children don’t remember what was brought for them by whom. What they remember is the love, the cuddles the story’s the making them laugh.

As for favourite Nanny its pathetic if she anything like in my case she makes it about her rather than the child and that wears thin and GC tend to see through it and love you for you.
I would just rise above her,and be yourself.

Being a grandparent isn’t a game and there are no tactics when it comes to emotions. Just don’t paly and enjoy being nanny/ granny /Nanna. Oh and bite your lip down hard.

This other granny is definately insecure, needy and very immature. Be the bigger, more mature person and just calmly smile (patronisingly ?) but say nothing. It is the child who decides who is the favourite Nanny, if any, not her.

As grandtanteJE65 mentions I have been told by a ‘friend’ that I am not as important as her as I am only the Paternal GP not the Maternal one like her. ??

Don't compete! My daughter's inlaws spend on our GC's all the time. I just stick to what I know best. I've always nurtured their love of reading with small gifts of books. Something we can share and enjoy together.

If you don't see the other grandparents often, then this shouldn't be a problem. Just let them carry on and rise above it. I work in the school where 2 of my grandchildren go, so see them everyday. I'm sure that I'm seen as competition because of this. Every time I see the other grandparent she tells me that she doesn't see enough of them. My daughter works 12 hour shifts as a nurse and sil has his own business, so time for visiting is limited. The other grandparents are both retired and live 3 miles away, so why don't they visit??

She's a sad woman with very little self esteem if she turns every little thing into a competition. Whatever you say or do will never burst her bubble, so suggest you sit back and let her get on with it! She'll slip up on her own at some point without any help from you!
Just don't rise to her - she's not your friend, so you don't have to. If she starts baiting, hard as it is, either a short "not playing" or shrug your shoulders and walk away.
Just be caring to everyone else.