Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Renewal of vows

(32 Posts)
Foxglove77 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:23:52

My husband and I have been married 39 years so it will be our 40th next year. We had a church wedding and we were 21 and 18 years old respectively. We've had a good marriage, two lovely children with good jobs and a lovely granddaughter. I suggested to my husband that we renew our vows and have a family party. To my surprise he is totally against it. He said he meant his vows the first time and did not feel the need to do it again! He is also against a party as he said the extended family don't have anything to do with us normally but would turn up for a free party! He has suggested we treat ourselves and go on a cruise instead. I love that idea but have just seen you can renew your vows on board! Or shall I not even mention that?

Sara65 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:27:23

I can’t see any point in it, it’s like your husband said, he meant his wedding vows, and he’s clearly not broken them

Go on a cruise and enjoy it

dragonfly46 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:30:21

I can't see the point either.

Calendargirl Wed 10-Jul-19 15:31:23

Forget the family party, go on the cruise, but say no more about vow renewal. He obviously doesn’t want to do that and why should he? The original vows were the ones that mattered, and have stood the test of time, so be happy for all you have.❤️

wildswan16 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:46:27

Go on the cruise - the only people who matter when renewing vows would be the two of you - and if you really feel you want to say them again it would be much nicer just to whisper that to each other while watching the sun go down over the ocean!

Septimia Wed 10-Jul-19 15:49:47

My Sis-in-law and her husband renewed their vows but I can't see the point either. DH and I have been married 44 years and I feel no need to re-iterate the promises I made the first time round. I know my DH would hate the dressing up and the fuss.
Someone in our village did - the husband arranged it to follow, if I remember rightly, the wedding or marriage blessing service of their daughter and it came as a surprise to to the wife.
If you both like the idea, fine. If you don't agree, find some way of commemorating the event that you both like - the suggested cruise maybe. It'll be just as special and, as already said, the original vows still stand.

BBbevan Wed 10-Jul-19 15:54:18

I agre with sara65. Why do you need to renew your vows if you haven't broken them ? Something special for just you two would be just as memorable

SpringyChicken Wed 10-Jul-19 15:54:21

He clearly doesn't want to renew the vows (and I'm with him on that). I'd not mention it again but take the cruise.

Cherrytree59 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:58:24

Sorry Foxglove I'm with your DH.
If your vows are unbroken then no need for a renewal (Imho).

A cruise sounds lovely and yes you can have renewal ceremony on board.
Why not just inform cruise company that you will be celebrating your Ruby wedding, I'm sure there will be an option of the captains table.
And maybe something nice in your cabin such as wine flowers fruit and chocolates.

Surprising your DH with prearranged renewal ceremony on board may put a damper on your holiday if DH feelings have not changed.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 15:59:11

Go on the cruise and let your husband buy you a Ruby ring to mark the occasion of your 40th ! Better that than money spent on a party for those you don't see from one year to the next.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 16:05:39

Renewing of (presumably) unbroken vows seems silly to me.

It's our 50th next year so we are going on a cruise and having a party. We did the same on our ruby anniversary. It's nice to celebrate with people you know and love.

DH bought me a ruby ring for that anniversary but we both decided we didn't like rubies so we took it back. He surprised me by choosing a diamond one in the same design instead. He's quite nice really.

rockgran Wed 10-Jul-19 16:06:28

I agree with your husband. A cruise sounds great - many husbands would have to be talked into that!

Maggiemaybe Wed 10-Jul-19 16:36:20

Each to their own of course, Foxglove, but I don't understand why people want to renew vows they haven't broken? A couple we know have just done it and they've had all the bells and whistles, including hen and stag dos abroad, six bridesmaids, two best men, a church service, big wedding breakfast and evening do.... It's obviously something that's made them happy, but you'd both have to want it for that to work!

I love a party, and we've had them to celebrate our big anniversaries, but even that might not be a good idea if your other half is so set against it. Perhaps you could compromise on a small family do (and the cruise, of course!). smile

Liz46 Wed 10-Jul-19 16:40:13

Small family meal and a cruise? I am another, happily married, one who sees no point in renewing vows.

ninathenana Wed 10-Jul-19 16:45:24

A friend and her husband renewed theirs for their 10th anniversary. It was a simple, quiet affair with tea and cake back at their house. Lovely day but pointless IMHO.
When I was helping plan DD wedding I belonged to a forum where on of the brides was having the full on ceremony costing £K £K confused
I agree with everyone else, go on your cruise have a fab romantic time and don't mention renewal to DH again

Foxglove77 Wed 10-Jul-19 16:56:51

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I am looking forward to the cruise and perhaps a ruby ring. Fab idea! We could only afford a weekend in Bournemouth for our honeymoon so we have come a long way since then. I will forget about the renewal of vows idea, although I am genuinely surprised that it seems so unpopular.

paddyann Wed 10-Jul-19 17:02:42

on our 40th we went back to the church where we married as we always do and stood at the altar where my husband presented me with a new ring..just the two of us and thats how we like it.We dont need a big party or vow renewal to tell each other how we feel and if your husband feels like us dont spring a renewal on him .he wont thank you for it.Enjoy your cruise

crystaltipps Wed 10-Jul-19 17:03:05

Why renew vows- do they have an expiry date?

B9exchange Wed 10-Jul-19 17:04:10

For our 40th we had family and friends attend a blessing service we had written in our local cathedral. I definitely did not want to renew our vows as we hadn't broken them, and they are meant to be for life, you may get a marriage licence, but unlike driving ones, they don't run out after a certain length of time! grin

The cruise sound fab, make it a very special event for both of you, if you ask the staff they would even do you an anniversary cake just for the two of you.

M0nica Wed 10-Jul-19 17:08:39

Forget abut the renewal of vows, just go on the cruise and enjoy your self.

When we had our 50th, we hired a big house in a holiday location and invited our nearest and dearest to join us. They did and we all had a week we will never forget for the best of reasons. No distant relatives, or anyone else who would expect to be invited to a party, just us and those that really matter.

Nannyxthree Wed 10-Jul-19 17:13:24

I suggested this to OH on our 30th and he didn't want to for the same reason yours did so we went on a cruise, and another for our 40th! Both lovely!

fiorentina51 Wed 10-Jul-19 17:14:55

What a lovely way to celebrate 40 years. We've done that a couple of times in the past if we are passing the church where we married on or around our anniversary.
No fuss or palaver, just the two of us. 😊

Harris27 Wed 10-Jul-19 17:18:16

We renewed our vows on our 30 th and we are very quiet unassuming people. However I'd just come through a serious operation and felt lucky to be alive! We have now been married 42 years and didn't do anything for the ruby one but went abroad. We did do a cruise on our 30th after the blessing and have lovely memories.

Harris27 Wed 10-Jul-19 17:20:02

Sorry we had a wedding blessing and it was lovely. Didn't renew vows just a lovely handwritten ceremony.

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 17:38:09

Each to their own but another here that doesn't see the point of renewing vows. More so because you had a church wedding originally! I can maybe see it IF the original wedding was not what you really wanted and you had always longed for the full monty!

We did, however, attend a vow renewal quite recently. Abroad. Whilst it was lovely, it cost the couple a great deal of money as they paid for many family members to be there! I asked my other half if he would like to do same some day and it was a resounding "NO, once is enough" bahaha. Suited me as I wouldn't want to do it either.

I do like family parties though so think I would be inclined to have a smaller scale party for friends and family (if that is what you want) and also go on that cruise but...I think you have come round to that way of thinking anyway.

Congratulations b.t.w. Hope you enjoy whatever you do.