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Renewal of vows

(33 Posts)
Foxglove77 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:23:52

My husband and I have been married 39 years so it will be our 40th next year. We had a church wedding and we were 21 and 18 years old respectively. We've had a good marriage, two lovely children with good jobs and a lovely granddaughter. I suggested to my husband that we renew our vows and have a family party. To my surprise he is totally against it. He said he meant his vows the first time and did not feel the need to do it again! He is also against a party as he said the extended family don't have anything to do with us normally but would turn up for a free party! He has suggested we treat ourselves and go on a cruise instead. I love that idea but have just seen you can renew your vows on board! Or shall I not even mention that?

eazybee Thu 11-Jul-19 15:57:10

A friend's sister renewed her vows, eight years into her third marriage. Excuse for a party, yes, but there was also a wedding present list: le creuset items only!

stella1949 Thu 11-Jul-19 13:48:25

If you already had a church wedding once, and DH doesn't want to do it again, I'd leave it. I can understand if you eloped or had a registry office wedding , but not if you had a full wedding in the beginning. Just go with his idea - which is wonderful ! Toast each other as you sit on deck and watch the sun go down over the ocean ....sounds beautiful.

Floradora9 Thu 11-Jul-19 13:38:31

Cannot see the point of having a wedding blessed myself . If you both have stuck it out for 40 years then the next 40 will be fine . We have long passed the 40 years but started young .

Urmstongran Wed 10-Jul-19 19:20:27

Congrats on your upcoming 40th wedding anniversary!
I’m another one who doesn’t see the point of having vows ‘renewed’. It has always seemed a bit twee to me, but that’s just my opinion.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 19:04:53

I can’t see the point of renewing vows either - unless one of you has broken them, in which case that’s a pretty public confession! Do the cruise or just have a family party to celebrate (or better still, both)

PamelaJ1 Wed 10-Jul-19 18:58:47

Foxglove, I wouldn’t bother renewing our vows. We still love each other, nothing changed then. Don’t feel we need to.
It’s just another ‘thing’ in my opinion. Doesn’t mean much if you are happy and secure already.
Enjoy the cruise.

ginny Wed 10-Jul-19 18:45:59

Small family meal and the cruise.
I too can’t see the point of renewing vows if they haven’t been broken in the first place.

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 17:38:09

Each to their own but another here that doesn't see the point of renewing vows. More so because you had a church wedding originally! I can maybe see it IF the original wedding was not what you really wanted and you had always longed for the full monty!

We did, however, attend a vow renewal quite recently. Abroad. Whilst it was lovely, it cost the couple a great deal of money as they paid for many family members to be there! I asked my other half if he would like to do same some day and it was a resounding "NO, once is enough" bahaha. Suited me as I wouldn't want to do it either.

I do like family parties though so think I would be inclined to have a smaller scale party for friends and family (if that is what you want) and also go on that cruise but...I think you have come round to that way of thinking anyway.

Congratulations b.t.w. Hope you enjoy whatever you do.

Harris27 Wed 10-Jul-19 17:20:02

Sorry we had a wedding blessing and it was lovely. Didn't renew vows just a lovely handwritten ceremony.

Harris27 Wed 10-Jul-19 17:18:16

We renewed our vows on our 30 th and we are very quiet unassuming people. However I'd just come through a serious operation and felt lucky to be alive! We have now been married 42 years and didn't do anything for the ruby one but went abroad. We did do a cruise on our 30th after the blessing and have lovely memories.

fiorentina51 Wed 10-Jul-19 17:14:55

Paddyann
What a lovely way to celebrate 40 years. We've done that a couple of times in the past if we are passing the church where we married on or around our anniversary.
No fuss or palaver, just the two of us. 😊

Nannyxthree Wed 10-Jul-19 17:13:24

I suggested this to OH on our 30th and he didn't want to for the same reason yours did so we went on a cruise, and another for our 40th! Both lovely!

M0nica Wed 10-Jul-19 17:08:39

Forget abut the renewal of vows, just go on the cruise and enjoy your self.

When we had our 50th, we hired a big house in a holiday location and invited our nearest and dearest to join us. They did and we all had a week we will never forget for the best of reasons. No distant relatives, or anyone else who would expect to be invited to a party, just us and those that really matter.

B9exchange Wed 10-Jul-19 17:04:10

For our 40th we had family and friends attend a blessing service we had written in our local cathedral. I definitely did not want to renew our vows as we hadn't broken them, and they are meant to be for life, you may get a marriage licence, but unlike driving ones, they don't run out after a certain length of time! grin

The cruise sound fab, make it a very special event for both of you, if you ask the staff they would even do you an anniversary cake just for the two of you.

crystaltipps Wed 10-Jul-19 17:03:05

Why renew vows- do they have an expiry date?

paddyann Wed 10-Jul-19 17:02:42

on our 40th we went back to the church where we married as we always do and stood at the altar where my husband presented me with a new ring..just the two of us and thats how we like it.We dont need a big party or vow renewal to tell each other how we feel and if your husband feels like us dont spring a renewal on him .he wont thank you for it.Enjoy your cruise

Foxglove77 Wed 10-Jul-19 16:56:51

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I am looking forward to the cruise and perhaps a ruby ring. Fab idea! We could only afford a weekend in Bournemouth for our honeymoon so we have come a long way since then. I will forget about the renewal of vows idea, although I am genuinely surprised that it seems so unpopular.

ninathenana Wed 10-Jul-19 16:45:24

A friend and her husband renewed theirs for their 10th anniversary. It was a simple, quiet affair with tea and cake back at their house. Lovely day but pointless IMHO.
When I was helping plan DD wedding I belonged to a forum where on of the brides was having the full on ceremony costing £K £K confused
I agree with everyone else, go on your cruise have a fab romantic time and don't mention renewal to DH again

Liz46 Wed 10-Jul-19 16:40:13

Small family meal and a cruise? I am another, happily married, one who sees no point in renewing vows.

Maggiemaybe Wed 10-Jul-19 16:36:20

Each to their own of course, Foxglove, but I don't understand why people want to renew vows they haven't broken? A couple we know have just done it and they've had all the bells and whistles, including hen and stag dos abroad, six bridesmaids, two best men, a church service, big wedding breakfast and evening do.... It's obviously something that's made them happy, but you'd both have to want it for that to work!

I love a party, and we've had them to celebrate our big anniversaries, but even that might not be a good idea if your other half is so set against it. Perhaps you could compromise on a small family do (and the cruise, of course!). smile

rockgran Wed 10-Jul-19 16:06:28

I agree with your husband. A cruise sounds great - many husbands would have to be talked into that!

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 16:05:39

Renewing of (presumably) unbroken vows seems silly to me.

It's our 50th next year so we are going on a cruise and having a party. We did the same on our ruby anniversary. It's nice to celebrate with people you know and love.

DH bought me a ruby ring for that anniversary but we both decided we didn't like rubies so we took it back. He surprised me by choosing a diamond one in the same design instead. He's quite nice really.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 15:59:11

Go on the cruise and let your husband buy you a Ruby ring to mark the occasion of your 40th ! Better that than money spent on a party for those you don't see from one year to the next.

Cherrytree59 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:58:24

Sorry Foxglove I'm with your DH.
If your vows are unbroken then no need for a renewal (Imho).

A cruise sounds lovely and yes you can have renewal ceremony on board.
Why not just inform cruise company that you will be celebrating your Ruby wedding, I'm sure there will be an option of the captains table.
And maybe something nice in your cabin such as wine flowers fruit and chocolates.

Surprising your DH with prearranged renewal ceremony on board may put a damper on your holiday if DH feelings have not changed.

SpringyChicken Wed 10-Jul-19 15:54:21

He clearly doesn't want to renew the vows (and I'm with him on that). I'd not mention it again but take the cruise.