Since I don't know your daughter or her medical condition, etc., I wouldn't feel right commenting on any of that but I liked a suggestion from a poster on another thread. She suggested that the OP give her loved one (in this case it was a husband) two choices to pick from - "Do you want to do "this thing" or "this other thing"?"
It reminded me of when I was raising my sons. I read somewhere that instead of having the tearful clothing battle in the morning, I could put out two outfits and ask them which of the two they wanted to wear. It worked like a charm and helped me avoid those stressful mornings before school, so I expanded it to foods (they could pick two foods that they hated to put on a "yuck" list; they didn't have to eat those two things but they had to try everything else) and TV viewing (they got to pick their top 7 weekly shows to watch after dinner), etc.
I think it works because: 1) It's an objective, simple request, and seems to derail some of the emotional stuff that comes with a more frustrated or judgemental approach and 2) It allows the other person to have some control and choice.
It sounds simplistic but I think these complex, emotional situations have to start somewhere and if you ask your daughter, for example, "I need some help; would you rather cook dinners or do dishes?" maybe that would work for a beginning and you could expand to other things like where to keep belongings, who pays for what, etc. Just a thought.
I hope it works out. These things aren't easy.