Sons

I had a very good relationship with my son until his wife started telling lies about me. He is now stuck between us not quite knowing who to believe. They have children so I have not put any pressure on him just hope one day he will see through her then we will see. He rings sometimes, visits sometimes and I always get a hug when we meet but it is all done when she is nowhere near. Think a lot depends on who they end up in a relationship with

I have 2 brothers, 2 sons and 2 grandsons. Never craved for a girl myself but have 2 fab Dil who include me in all sorts of things. My son's friends were always welcome to stay (had some fun in uni days!), we had an open house policy which the boys always appreciated. They have lovely families of their own and I occasionally get to spend time with them on their own. Lately they took me to a music festival, had we had great day. Boys are the best fun. It's like déjà vu with my little grandsons

I have an adult son and daughter. My son lives with his ex wife and they have 5 children, still at home or nearby. I am very close to him, he use to bring the gc over once a week when they were younger and use to ring me for advice and a chat about them. His wife had a stroke and with other medical conditions was disabled so he did all the caring. Now they are adults but he rings on a regular basis and often we meet in town for a coffee, chat and a look around some of the shops. We are also lucky that we both share the same hobbies, he cycles, as we do, he into crafts and restoring things, as I am. So its great that we can both go to the stainless shop and look at stuff. Don't believe all you hear about losing your son when he becomes married.

Remember that grown up sons are still little boys at heart

Sorry but I really don't think this is helpful.

I've got 2 sons, and with my husband, we decided we didn't want any more children. I got all the daft remarks, too, about having boys.

My sons are 38 (he will be next week and 35, and we are all so very close (and with my husband, their dad, too). We all live 1/4 of a mile from each other. The eldest son had a couple of failed relationships, but has got 2 gorgeous daughters. (live with their mum) but he's happy with a woman now, and we see them very frequently. The younger son is happy on his own, after a couple of relationships that ended - he hasn't got children, never wanted any.

My sons have got good jobs, are well-mannered, have good morals, they're attractive, and have always been "home birds". Family is, and always has been, important to us all. I didn't work when they were growing up - I had 17 years at home! I helped out at the schools my sons attended, and we always had their friends to our house, for play, parties, meals, etc. As a result, my sons and a group of friens get together every Tuesday for a few hours of playing cards/video games, etc. They are all going paintballing tomorrow - and taking my 61yr old husband, their dad-as well.

Enjoy your boys, bring them up to be sensitive, kind, thoughtful, respectful. You'll reap the benefits.

I have two sons one of whom is severely disabled.My younger son who is now forty five,is a fantastic son.We see him everyday,he helps look after his brother.He is married and has three step children,the eldest of which has a brain tumour a d his wife has had several bouts of cancer.He will freely admit he isn't perfect,but as a son and dad you couldn't get better

Squeeky congratulations on 3 boys

I'm close to my sons in different ways, I would say that my experience is that female partners' families can take precedence and have done for us in a lot of situations. However, we've always tried not to get too hung up on that or let it drive a wedge otherwise sons can be piggy in the middle and no one likes a moaner, so as long as you see them and we do, it's best not to roll out the whole "but you were at theirs for Christmas last year" sort of prattle We've always seen quite a lot of our grandchildren and since our son's relationship with their mother finished we have him and the children here alternate weekends.

As far as the growing up years are concerned it seems that here in the west, girls are the favoured child and yeah I got the "I expect you're hoping for a girl" a lot. Boys were and possibly still are regarded as a consolation prize regretfully, but be thankful for your boys, they're much kinder and less critical of their mothers in many respects, in spite of one of mine being the teenager from hell, even at the height of that he'd still manage to tell me "oh you're looking nice mum" maybe disingenuous to get himself of the hook but I can never remember being criticised appearance wise, whereas friends who had daughters told me their girls could be hyper critical.

The lack of male teachers is a disadvantage for boys, particularly adolescence and teen years, the curriculum, when my kids were going through was pretty feminised, that was the consensus of them, their male peer group and the other parents I spoke to. A minority of female teachers made it clear they preferred teaching girls to boys, possibly because boys are more challenging. One of my sons appreciated the fact after all the female teachers in junior and senior school, for A levels and University, lecturers were often male, that's not to say he doesn't appreciate women in the workplace, he tells me the best boss he ever had was female, in fact he positively prefers female colleagues, maybe because he and his partner were former colleagues

When they are young some boys, mine included make a lot of noise and seem to spend their days "exploding" maybe it was my imagination, or a reaction to having the subliminal message that boys are a noisy nuisance, but it seemed to me that prepubescent girls flounced about, giving orders whilst simultaneously pointing their toes, and whilst boys got on the nerves of mothers of daughters because of their general rowdiness, similarly the "toe pointers" got on my wick. That stayed with me until I had a granddaughter and that feeling evaporated with her arrival

Anyway treasure your boys OP, all relationships are different, I know women who don't get on with their mothers at all and don't want to spend any time with them it's not a foregone conclusion that somehow your role in your sons' lives when they are adults, will not be a close one.

I get on great with my MIL

She has other adult sons. They all see her and speak to her regularly

Agree with Bucklen on all points made. I think I must have done something right with my own adult son as he believes I have always been there for him no matter what! We do not live near each other but phone for a chat every week, and he is still very affectionate whenever we meet.

I have liked and welcomed all his girlfriends to my home over the years - years ago, my late, very jealous mother in law taught me how NOT to behave in this regard! - and was sad when things did not work out for him the way he wanted, as for the most part he picked hard working girls with similar values. I hope that the current woman who now looks to become a permanent fixture in his life will allow me to continue to love him - and her - too.

I was desperate for a girl. I just couldn’t see myself as the mother of boys, but boys were what I got, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. I thought boys were boring. I didn't have any interest in typical boy things like football and computers. I loved little girls’ clothes, and boys I saw as wearing grey flannel and such boring things. I suppose I was basing this view partly on my older brother.

Fortunately this was the 1970s, and boys’ clothes could be as colourful as you wished. They turned out not to be interested in football, and they certainly weren’t boring.

I suppose I assumed, quite wrongly, that a daughter would have the same interests as me, and we would be soulmates. I’d have been terribly disappointed if a daughter had turned out to be quite different from me. At least I didn’t expect much from a boy! Everything was a bonus.

Not they are grown up, we are still on very good terms. One is married with children, one is single. The single one rings me most days, the married one less often, as I would expect. Both are very protective of me (I was widowed young) and were absolutely wonderful when I was ill recently, travelling hundreds of miles regularly to visit and sort out somewhere suitable for me to live. The married one has provided me with a granddaughter, so a girl at last. Oddly enough, I am more at ease with my grandson.

Wow thank u all so much for your comments! Im enjoying reading them. Reading them all I'd say gender doesn't matter, sons and daughters are equally close to mum, maybe in different ways but as close all the same. Next time (and no doubt there will be a next time) I'll be sure to brush off the negative comments. Thank u all!

I have 3 adult children . 2 boys 1 girl . Girl so far has been v easy. Fortunately ( for us both ....) all her partners have been nice ( she's v fussy ).

Youngest son , 2 lovely girls who I would have been v happy to have as DIL and felt v sad that they parted ( no one prepares you for this !) . Also one not so , who whilst wasn't serious , I was not sad when they parted.

Eldest son who is gay , has been the most traumatic regarding relationships. Some really lovely and others not so .

For me , it's down to the person and their values

I have close friends , who as a MIL would be my idea of a nightmare ! They still think their son should prioritise them , they've not made an effort with girlfriends.

I've seen many posts on this site ( no ref to this one ) , who obviously , they are the problem , however they don't see themselves in that role ....??

Enjoy your children .
Love them and bring them up with good values.
Be good role -models as to what a good relationship should be .
Remember that your children are gifts for a short time . Put the effort in the early days and it will bear fruit .
Time not money / gifts .

Good luck X

I had two daughters and then a son I love them all equally but each relationship is different. My eldest daughter and I are close but she tends not to share about her relationships she single now, my other daughter asks my advice about everything and is always on the phone. My son has lived abroad for 10 yrs now and his partner is very special they have children together but honestly I get more info about their lives from here my son isn’t good at contact but that’s ok although it would be nice if he just rang to say “how are you Mum?”.
So I seem to go against the flow on this thread but everyone’s relationship is different and yours could well be fine.

I had 2 sons then a daughter. Am still really close to both my sons, aged 44 & 42, and they both have amazing wives who I love dearly. If your boys grow up close to you, have a relationship where you can chat about everything under the sun and always make time for each other and do stuff together .... it is always there. I have one weekend a month with each son in turn, and their families and I’m always treated so well and totally spoilt. Also get invited on family holidays too, and this is reciprocated as I look after GC while they have together times too. It’s sad when people have problems, especially when you get an awkward DIL, some of my friends have had bad experiences. There is nothing wrong with you voicing your fears as your boys start to find their feet, make a joke of it to keep things light hearted etc

I have a grown up son and we get along really well. He is very supportive of my DH (his step dad) and I and I know I can trust him to look after our finances etc in our dotage. On the other hand, my DD found her MiL a bit overwhelming for the first couple of years that she and my SiL were together. When he was a bachelor boy he and his mum did all sorts of things together. They'd go on shopping trips, outings. to the pictures, to shows, to gigs - all the sorts of things she might have done if she'd had daughters and this continued for a couple of years when he and my DD were living together. My DD found this threatening and it caused quite a bit of friction in the early days of them setting up home together. It did, over time, die a death, but I think the over riding message here is that once your son finds himself a partner, hopefully, a life partner, you should step back and let their relationship develop.

Who knows how our adult children are going to turn out.

Worrying at this stage of their lives is pointless.

Hopefully, with a kind and loving upbringing they will be ok.
Are you a natural worrier?

This is an interesting thread. Good advice offered. My own take on it is that I have never made demands on my sons ( probably because I got little support from my own parents and didn't know what to expect). As a consequence I rarely hear from my sons who are bound up with their wives. I have a friend, though,who is widowed and whose daughter-in-law accused her of demanding the same attention from her son as she got from her late husband. Hmmm. Could be something in it.

I have 2 boys and a girl and yes I do have a closer relationship with my daughter BUT my eldest is married to the most wonderful girl and I now feel like I have 2 daughters. Don’t worry too much about it OP. You come across as a very loving, caring mum, I’m sure it’ll all be fine ?

I have 4 sons and I can remember the comments I had after my 3rd and 4th sons, people even said how sorry they were that the baby wasn't a girl?? It never mattered to me, I adored my babies whatever gender they were.

All my sons are now adults, youngest is 18. I have a close relationship with the 3 younger ones, though I am estranged from my eldest [ hopefully at some point we can reconcile ]
One son lives in Canada and we keep touch via Skype weekly and message regularly.

We have 3 adult sons. 2 live close by and 1 still at home. We have a different relationship with each of them and they have varying relationships with each other. All 3 have partners, so that has brought us 3 fabulous females into the fold. We couldn’t be happier. No wistful wishing that we’d had a daughter of our own. Sometimes relief that we didn’t (they do seem more complicated!!).

I have a really close relationship with my son. He confides in me a lot and often rings just to have a rant.
His relationship with his wife deteriorated three years ago but he stays because of the children.
Remember that grown up sons are still little boys at heart.

My kids were little 20 years ago. They played together and played with friends. One loved dressing up and still does. Their bedroom was blue I think?
Their favourite toy was marble run and they liked reading.

Just enjoy them Squeeky you have so many years stretching our before you for making wonderful memories, don't let fears of what may or may not happen spoil this wonderful and precious time with your boys.

None of us know what the future holds. We became estranged from our youngest son and only GC 6.5 years ago after 27 wonderful years. We talk and laugh about all the things that we did as a family with one another and our other son.

You're making memories as your children grow and what ever happens in the future, those memories cannot be taken away from you, or your child so don't let fears for a future you cannot see cast a shadow over the life you have now.

I have a son and a daughter and for many years thought I'd only have a close relationship with my daughter. When they were students my daughter rang me most days while son hardly ever did. However when he reached his twenties he started to share more with me and ring me for advice. I'm divorced from his dad and he told me that his dad had been rubbish at offering advice and he appreciated the advice I gave (only when requested). He is married now and I have a lovely daughter in law too. My son rings me fairly regularly and we are almost as close as I am with my daughter. Boys tend to mature later than girls but your relationships can be just as close given time.

Lessismore I agree about the boys' toys and blue! Dear lord, haven't we fought to get rid of the gender stereotypes?
On the many boys thing - a friend of mine has 5 sons. All lovely, all loved and they're grown-ups now and still close to their own family. It'll all be OK.