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(122 Posts)
Squeeky Fri 26-Jul-19 07:47:36

Hi everyone! I'd love to hear your experiences of adult sons. I'll explain myself first, I've 3 little boys, the latest just a few mths old. I was blown away by the negative comments people were saying when they heard it was another boy, they really upset me! Its made me anxious about the future with my darling boys. I love them with all my heart and am a stay at home mum so they are my life and I love that. But everywhere I look I see grown up daughters hanging out with their mum's and I myself have a very close relationship with my mum and not with my in laws. I've had women randomly come up to me and say oh I had 3 boys too it's all good till they get married then u won't see them for dust. People have quoted the dreaded a son is a son till he finds a wife one and every woman needs a daughter said to me. So basically I'm looking for u experienced ladies to give me some feedback on grown sons that will hopefully put my mind at ease that their is still a relationship with their mum's when their all grown up! Sorry for the long post I could rant about it all day lol

harrigran Fri 26-Jul-19 07:57:15

My experience with grown up son is very positive, he is the father of my GC so we have a lot of contact and my DIL is very caring and inclusive too.
My DH was one of four boys and his mother was very kind to me and loved to spend time with us even to the extent that she would have moved in if we had just given her the nod. DH says she loved me like the DD she never had.

Nanah67 Fri 26-Jul-19 07:58:34

I have 2 sons. They have lived abroad for a long number of years. They have now returned and live close by.
I see them at least once a week but hear from them most days. I never missed having a daughter but I now have 2 lovely dil and 3 grandchildren one girl and two boys. Enjoy your boys . Having healthy babies is a blessing.

Sara65 Fri 26-Jul-19 07:59:12

I don’t think your worries are completely unfounded, but lots of sons remain very close to their mothers. My son is single, so our relationship is pretty much unchanged, one of my son in laws, remains very close to both his parents, and a man I work with is the same.

I would say, enjoy your lovely boys, our family is girl heavy, and the boys have all been a real joy, so lovable and affectionate.

It’s inevitable as they grow up, that it’s harder to stay close to your sons than your daughters, but it’s not impossible. I’ve got a friend with three sons and three stepsons, and she used to them all off on camping trips, they all loved it

Little boys are lovely, you’re lucky

Persistentdonor Fri 26-Jul-19 08:01:37

I have 2 adults sons whom I adore, and who generally respond if I make an approach. I know they love me, but their days are full!
Perhaps if I was more demanding I would hear from them more often.
But I know of sons who are in touch with their mothers regularly, so who knows how your cookie will crumble?
ENJOY every moment while they are small, and when they spread their wings, encourage and support them so you can be proud of them.

Grammaretto Fri 26-Jul-19 08:04:38

Congratulations! I had 3 boys too. I later had a daughter but I like you, received sympathy instead of delight from some people when #3 arrived. He was by far the easiest baby.
They are all individuals for goodness sake. They are neither just boys nor just girls!

I love them all. I am proud of them all.
If anything, I think we are lucky to have all the same gender because it frees them to be who they are rather than your only boy or your only girl where all your hopes and dreams of how a boy should be go into your one.

Boys and girls toys were a nuisance as ours weren't given traditional girls' playthings. Action man rather than Barbie. A fort rather than a doll's house. etc.

I now have 5 granddaughters.

NfkDumpling Fri 26-Jul-19 08:11:47

It depends on the child. I have two DDs and one DS. One DD lives three hours away and one twenty minutes. DS lives 30 minutes away and we see more of him than the girls. However, he doesn’t shop! I don’t much either but when I do its with DD or DiL. Distant DD sees little of either sets of parents as she’s too far away but keeps good contact. Nearby DD has a much more contact with her MiL as her DH is very close to his family. We get on wonderfully with our DiL and we all like to sail so see more of them.

It depends on the child not their sex.

dragonfly46 Fri 26-Jul-19 08:13:23

I have one of each and my son rings me far more often than my daughter but we are all very close.

annsixty Fri 26-Jul-19 08:13:25

My friend has 2 sons and no family could be closer.
Her D’siL are also close and one I would say, is certainly just like a D.
She has one GS and 3 GDs, the GS is the one she is closest to.
Just enjoy your children, don’t let this spoil what was for me, the happiest time of my life.

cornergran Fri 26-Jul-19 08:23:56

Too soon to be worrying squeeky. A lot depends on everyone’s personality rather than gender, relationships are unique. Enjoy your boys and don’t let stereotypes influence you.

Nannarose Fri 26-Jul-19 08:32:26

I feel for you! I have 4 sons, and my sister has only girls - between us we have heard every daft comment that can be made - whether positive or negative - it's all stereotyping and doesn't apply to you as an individual.

Here's my advice:
1. No-one who makes such comments has anything useful to say - they are generalising whatever happened to them.
2. Your family will find its own way of doing things, its own comfort level, both now and in the future.
3. Superficial negative comments: a breezy 'we'll see'!
4. Any fake commiserations about another boy: a steely stare and 'I celebrate and love all of my children, I would never regard them as being worth less because of their sex'.
5. Bring your sons up to do equal work and have equal fun. Celebrate their individual qualities.
6. When you talk about what is going on in the world, talk about people as individuals, not using sex unless absolutely relevant. I had to do this in the Thatcher years! Now my grandsons celebrated the women footballers in the recent World Cup just as they did with the men.
7. Don't get too hung up on the odd bit of gender stereotyping in gifts or the occasional book- if they have good examples around them they will get over it!

Finally - I wish you the joy of the 'daughters of my heart' that my sons' partners have brought me.

trisher Fri 26-Jul-19 08:37:37

You have all my sympathy Squeeky I went through all of it when I had my third son-who I just knew was a boy in spite of all the "Bet you're hoping for a girl," etc. My sons are all different but great. I do sometimes wish I had someone I could ask "Does this look OK?" but from what I've heard asking DDs that question can lead to things you don't want to hear. Boys tend to say it looks OK anyway. Don't envy what others have, just enjoy your boys and one day you may find yourself with a wonderful Grand daughter who will give you a chance to buy dresses etc, talk your head off, and complain because you aren't as good at doing plaits as you shoud be.

Squeeky Fri 26-Jul-19 08:48:21

Isn't it so rude the way people do that! It really takes the shine of the pregnancy and nobody should do that. I'm awful for thinking ahead and I know that's not a great idea, I should live in the moment. Do u have a good relationship with your son's still?

Lessismore Fri 26-Jul-19 08:49:57

Can I just say, things aren't always so very simple. A gay son puts an interesting spin on the stereotypes.

Luckygirl Fri 26-Jul-19 08:54:56

Rude indeed! - I had commiserations when I had my 3rd girl - they got short shrift from me!!!

Squeeky Fri 26-Jul-19 09:00:23

It's not even the girly things I care for, I'm happy in a world of boys toys and blue, it's just I'm hoping my sons will remain closed and still talk to me when there grown up, just like I see all these mum's and daughters do!

aggie Fri 26-Jul-19 09:04:03

I have three sons , two are far from home and communication is sporadic , but so lovely when I do see them . The third , middle son calls to see me most days , his two sons are my delight .
I do have three daughters as well , One lives next door , two away , they ring me weekly

Squeeky Fri 26-Jul-19 09:11:52

I didn't realise u would get that with all girls! I think all the same gender is lovely for the child, it's other ppl saying horrid things like that is the problem!

Squeeky Fri 26-Jul-19 09:13:31

That's lovely to hear your son calls to see u most days, I hope I get one like that lol

Sara65 Fri 26-Jul-19 09:19:33

On the plus side, in my experience, the teenage years are far less dramatic with boys, and they are generally a lot more straightforward. With boys, what you see is what you get. I know that’s not always the case, but honestly, look at all the positives, and enjoy your boys.

annep1 Fri 26-Jul-19 09:30:15

The son who lives close I rarely see. The one in France is never off the phone. If he lived close I'm sure he would pop in often.
But I think it would be much better to enjoy your lovely children and not worry about the future. And people shouldnt say such things. It's so rude.

Squeeky Fri 26-Jul-19 09:35:13

Gay men are wonderful, I know some and there always so much fun!

Lessismore Fri 26-Jul-19 09:35:34

boys toys and blue????? Haven't things moved on?

crazyH Fri 26-Jul-19 09:38:15

I have 2 sons and one daughter. We love each other, but every family has it's different personalities and different dynamics. Adult children have their own lives and unless you're a very needy mother, you will let them lead their lives independently. Be there for them, if they need you. And if you are blessed with good daughters-in-law, life's going to be fine. I had a few niggles with one d.i.l. but things are ok now.
You have a long while to go yet. Hope and pray, your boys have a smooth transition from boyhood to manhood. Good luck !

Grannybags Fri 26-Jul-19 09:51:25

I was desperate for two boys and wanted them to be born close together so couldn't complain when I got my wish with only 19 months between them! Like you I had commiserations when son number 2 arrived and no one believed me when I said that's what I wanted!

They are so different from each other, both in looks and ways that you would think they had been brought up in different houses!

They both keep in touch, the one with children more than the other.

I have two lovely daughters in law and two granddaughters so am having a bit of "pink" time now! I have to admit to being a bit disappointed not having another little boy in the family but keep those thoughts to myself...!

Enjoy your time with your boys