Paternal Grandma

I don't understand this obsession some people have about how often they see their grandchildren. I love my grandchildren as much as any other grandparent. I see them whenever the stars align and we get together. DH and I are there to be called on whenever needed and if we are available - which we usually are - we are happy to help out just as my AC are if we need help.

We usually see our 2 grandsons every couple of weeks. We tend to not call into their place unannounced even though they live only a few minutes away, as they live very busy lives and we are happy to give them the space they need. They pop in to us unannounced but our AC still see this as the family home and of course they are welcome at any time.

I think seeing the GC every week or more as in the case of some actually sometimes lessens the pleasure of seeing them as it becomes the norm and not something special. Grandparents are not there, in my opinion, to do any more than to support the parents as required and love (and spoil) the GC. My grandfather used to say " it is the parents responsibility to raise the children and the grandparents responsibility to spoil them". Of course how he spoilt his grandchildren, the oldest of who is now over 70, was vastly different than how we spoil children now.

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule.

"How to resolve this."

Do you mean the disagreement between you and DH? IDK. Maybe you can get some of the points that we've each made across to home, but maybe you can't. Again, you know him and I don't. But, IMO, it doesn't really matter if you resolve this disagreement or not b/c, apparently, the only way you get to see DGS is by making an appointment.

But perhaps you're talking about resolving this issue w/ DS and DIL? Again, I don't see any way but to accept their boundary of needing to make an appointment. I'm afraid that if you fight them on it, they may respond by cutting back on the frequency of visits you do get. Please just enjoy your time w/ DS and family and don't push the envelope.

First, how beautiful that you see DGS once a week! As you say, yourself, not all GPs get to see their GC that often.

About having to ask to see DGS - I'm sorry DS and DIL don't invite you over. But as long as they're cool w/ your seeing DGS once a week, I think you're ok. Is it possible they feel you and DH are not interested in them at all, only DGS? Then they may not feel so inclined to make an invitation. Have you tried letting them know you enjoy being w/ them, as well (if you do)?

"my dh does not like the ides of this and says he should not have to make appt to see his dgs"

Why not? Does he feel it's ok to drop in on people who might be about to leave the house or want to spend some time just bonding as a family unit? How would he - or they - feel if they weren't dressed or the house were a mess?

Maybe he comes from a family that often drops in on each other and he's totally cool if/when that happens to him/you and him. But he needs to understand that not everyone feels that way. Perhaps DS and DIL aren't so into drop-ins? IMO, their right to privacy w/ their own family unit in their own home tops any right DH might have to see DGS at will. Also, the fact that the child is THEIR DS means more, IMO, than the fact that he is DH's DGS.

IDK if you agree w/ that or if/how you could get it across to DH. No doubt, you know how to approach him better than I. But he needs to understand that he has to respect DS' and DIL's wishes regarding their home and their child.

I see my GD all the time,she's my sons daughter.I think it just depends on the relationship you have with your AC and Dil .
We're expectng a new GD late next month I dont expect to see as much of her as her mum has a mum and 3 sisters so I think there'll be a queue .Thats fine by me it wont stop us building a good relationship

Well, it does seem as if an appointment is needed, but life today is busy for most parents with work, etc.

Its difficult to fit in everything, so once a week seems reasonable, to me.

Do you think it's enough, or are you trying to placate your husband?