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Shared email address.

(52 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Thu 08-Aug-19 13:16:26

Really irritates me when the address is something like Bob and Mary.co.Are you joined at the hip. Can I not message you without hubby reading it?Also annoying ,I have a friend who can't agree to meet for coffee until she checks what he is doing. She is only able to come out for a walk when football is on tv!

RosieLeah Thu 08-Aug-19 14:00:53

It's not healthy to be in each others pockets. It is how many people define themselves...so and so's wife..or whatever...as though they have no identity of their own.

NanaandGrampy Thu 08-Aug-19 14:04:03

Lol I have a shared email address but it’s solely for our small grandchildren to email us and I used it to log on here .

We both have separate emails addresses too.

Why does it irritate you kircubbin?

It might not be your preferred way of doing things but each to their own and they might have a reason as we do.

Oldwoman70 Thu 08-Aug-19 15:24:26

I think many couples have a joint email address as well as individual ones. Why not ask if this is the case with your friends?

Nonnie Thu 08-Aug-19 15:30:39

Does it really matter? It wouldn't suit us but it might be a good idea so DH doesn't complain that no one told him grin. On second thoughts, I don't want to have to wade through loads of stuff about football!

I would always check with DH before confirming meeting up with someone, just seems polite in case he had something else in mind. He would do the same with me.

leyla Thu 08-Aug-19 15:35:27

It's a historic thing with us - being dinosaurs we just had one account that was in my husband's name as it was mainly for his work when emails first started being used in the 1980's - that account has morphed into being a family account where we get most non-work emails but we've never changed the name.
Now we both have different 'work' email addresses. If people want to contact just me, they tend to use whatsapp or Messenger, although I tend to leave them both open on the family desktop anyway, so no secrets in our house.

Tangerine Thu 08-Aug-19 15:38:39

When my husband was alive, we had a shared email address and separate ones too. I wouldn't have liked solely a shared one even though I had no secrets from him.

I wouldn't have liked to ask for permission to meet friends or go out but I must admit I would often consult him before arranging things with friends - more a courtesy and to avoid double bookings.

He never minded if I met up with friends.

Sussexborn Thu 08-Aug-19 15:39:32

I joined a Motorcise gym when we first moved here and was quite shocked at how many women lied to their husbands about where they were going and/or couldn’t stop for a coffee after as their OH wouldn’t like it.

Some friends had joint e-mails in the early days of the Internet when most of us didn’t have a clue what it was all about.

BlueBelle Thu 08-Aug-19 16:02:09

We have a monthly school gals meal there is one lady who only ever has a bowl of soup or a sandwich as she has to eat with her husband in the evening I asked why can’t he eat alone or you sit and talk to him while he eats ‘oh no’ she says ‘he wouldn’t like that at all’ once a month I ask you

grannyticktock Thu 08-Aug-19 16:07:31

I musy say I find it a bit annoying when a female friend gives me her email and it's in her husband's name. This must mean that it's not her personal email and he's as likely to read it first as she is, which isn't really what I want. It can't be easy at their end either, having to sift and sort their messages.

Worse still is if the husband dies and the wife doesn't know how to change the email, so things still appear to be coming from her dead spouse. This can be embarrassing and distressing.

I know these habits often date from the early days of email when just having one address for the household seemed normal enough, but it's really not sensible now. It's always possible now to create separate email addresses, and allow a changeover period when you can both still pick up mail addressed to the joint address.

Nonnie Thu 08-Aug-19 16:59:24

Crumbs, asking permission to go out and having to eat with DH! He would wonder what was going on. On Tuesday I had lunch with a friend and DH suggested driving me so I could have a glass of wine. I caught the bus but it was nice of him. When I came home I told him I didn't want dinner and would just have some fruit so he made his own dinner. He would do the same to me.

I couldn't lie to him, what would be the point? We share a bank account but don't ask each other if we can buy anything or how much it cost. We are adults.

BradfordLass72 Fri 09-Aug-19 07:57:58

One of my email addresses begins 'Waitematafolkclub' but it doesn't mean all the members have access to it. In fact they don't even know it exists.

And then there's the security aspect of having a man's name, rather than just yours alone.

My answerphone has my son's voice on it, makes me feel just a wee bit more secure as a vulnerable old biddy living alone.

Things are not always what they seem.

fizzers Fri 09-Aug-19 08:15:34

Years ago when we first got email at work, we had a team email account, that caused plenty of problems I can tell you!

I wouldn't dream of having a shared email account, though I do have an email account solely for logging into Netflix, my grandsons could, if the wish log into that , but they don't.

Teacheranne Fri 09-Aug-19 08:21:05

One of our WI members has a joint email account and her husband reads all the emails first. He has been known to delete some WI ones before our members sees them so that she cannot get too involved in all the events. As this member is only 45 years old, I am concerned about how controlling he is.

kittylester Fri 09-Aug-19 08:39:34

Dh and I have separate emails but can each access the others if we want to.

Callistemon Fri 09-Aug-19 09:20:57

Ours looks as if it's a joint account but only I use it. I did set it up in the early days of emails but DH has never really used it anyway. We each have another account now anyway.
I know his password but he can never remember mine! Not that I go into his (boring) emails unless he requests it because he has a problem.

dragonfly46 Fri 09-Aug-19 09:26:02

We have separate accounts but can access each other’s like Kitty.

tanith Fri 09-Aug-19 09:30:43

Always had my own email address but I very rarely use it, unless it’s to get confirmation of a purchase or holiday flights but that about it. Everything is done on messenger or WhatsApp now.

Paperbackwriter Fri 09-Aug-19 10:48:57

If there isn't a personal email address, how does one communicate with one's secret lover?

grannygranby Fri 09-Aug-19 11:10:20

It really irritates me too. Just want to register that. It feels like control freakery and learned helplessness. Yuk

stella1949 Fri 09-Aug-19 11:13:49

I always find it odd. A couple of my friends have addresses like MaryandBob.com , if I write to Mary I feel as if Bob is going to be reading it. It always seems like a control thing to me .

maryhoffman37 Fri 09-Aug-19 11:22:34

We've never had a shared email address. It always surprises me when others do. And as for lying to your husband about where you are going and having to check in to see if you are "allowed" to go for coffee or lunch, @Sussexborn, words fail me!

BradfordLass72 Fri 09-Aug-19 11:23:49

Does anyone remember the Compuserve email addresses?

They were given to you, no choice and were something like:

[email protected]

Maggiemaybe Fri 09-Aug-19 12:02:43

We have separate email addresses, but anyone wanting to contact DH would be well-advised to use mine, seeing as he never checks his. smile

My first email address was fabulous- [email protected] Wish I could have kept it.

KatyK Fri 09-Aug-19 12:18:38

We have both our names on our email address. We are certainly not joined at the hip. If we realise an email is for the other person, we don't read it. We do lots of things separately and wouldn't dream of having to ask the other is it's OK to go out for coffee etc.