Bank of Gran and Grandad

I meant to add wouldn't compromise our security, we have been lucky to inherit money but want to pass it on to be used wisely rather than frittered.

Oh God it never ends! I have one sensible one who we gave a deposit to when he bought house with girlfriend, also paid for all his accommodation up front when he was at university. Then we have "the profligate" broken relationship with mother of his two children, provided deposits for flats for them, deposit for car, helped them out of numerous financial scrapes, help with costs for children.....and on and on it goes. I have a flat in Surrey, about 30 miles away, we are on the edge of London, he lived in that with a mate for a while, whilst in between relationships, gave them "mates rates" He's got his eye on it for the long term, with me as the soft touch landlady and possibly I will do that at some stage in the future. However, it has been let successfully since his departure and as he is now living with a new girlfriend, I'm not going to rush to sign him up as a prospective tenant. Although don't know how current relationship will pan out in the long term because he always jumps in too quickly imo. C'est la vie! can't live their lives for them.

I/we would say a big fat no to any help with paying for weddings, bricks and mortar only and help with children if required. They can pay for their own fripperies.

I feel like gonegirl that it's difficult to know how much we can give away and how much we need to hold onto for our own security.
Since my DM died 10 years ago, I have handed over all that I inherited to my 3 AC at different stages . Not a vast amount but approximately what I now have in capital (not including my flat).

On this thread I think we're 'comparing apples and pears' since some posters can fund school fees and house deposits while others struggle to buy school shoes.
We also have very different concepts of what we actually need for ourselves.

I have seen online calculator tools for people to work out benefit entitlements and wish there were something similar to help me work out what I need and what I could give to the family!

Hope it's alright to continue this Lara!

Granny23 your points about giving them their share of your savings now is very interesting. It's hard to know how much we need to hang onto ourselves for future needs, and how much to give to them now. (Not that we have a huge amount anyway!)

Trisher
Oh I think it’s traditional that parents give their daughter a good send off, they weren’t particularly lavish, 100 guests at around £50 each, that was 25 yrs ago, everything seems to have cost less then, or is it that everyone has to spend more.
Looking back even housing seemed so much more affordable, we didn’t think it was cheap at the time, whereas now it is impossible for very many

I've never paid for a wedding (which I gather is terribly expensive) so in the long run you've probably given as much as me Davidhs you just don't realise it.

I’m just the opposite to most of you I’ve never helped any of my children, they have done it all themselves, 3 daughters and they all left home at 18 to live with boyfriends. So apart from weddings they haven’t cost anything which is good because they have done it all themselves.

The eldest grandchildren also seem set to do the same, good life choices, good career choices, stable relationships, so we cannot claim to have contributed anything except genes.

Thank you Cherrytree that was very kind of you and has made me feel a little bit better.

It would be nice to be able to help financially more though.

Didn’t win the Euro lottery last night

If it was necessary, I would help my children and they know that. So far, it hasn't been necessary.

Neither my Parents nor In Laws were in a position to help us financially. In fact we had to bail both sets out on occasion. However, we were able, by both working two jobs, to pay deposits on flats for our daughters when they went to Uni. They always had rent paying, bill sharing flatmates, which ensured that they could pay their mortgages and eventually sell the flats at a big profit and buy their own 'forever family homes'. Being building trade their father was able to upgrade their flats and houses and as I had just retired when the DGC came along, I was able to do lots of childminding to enable the DDs to continue working. Meanwhile we lived fairly frugally and managed to save to fund our retirement.

With hindsight, we should have transferred more of our savings to the DDs and Grandchildren a while ago, because our savings and small private pension (mostly in DHs name) ensure that DH is self funding in his Care Home £700+ per week, which means that our savings pot will have been exhausted in 18 months. If we transferred money to our family now it would be regarded as deprivation of assets and they would be required to pay it back to fund their father's care.

Something to consider when planning for retirement. Better to help your family when they need it and share their joy, than have them wait for an inheritance, which may have dwindled to nothing to meet care costs.

It depends on the adult child. One of mine has worked hard and made a good life for herself single-handedly, one of them married a man with a highly paid job (good for her I say), and the other one, son, cannot cope with the world no matter how hard he tries, and I can't imagine how he would manage without a lot of help from us. He is a very good, kind person and I will never let him go without.

We have, of course, helped all three financially, but the one just needs more, of necessity.

We have loaned our adult children money to help with initial mortgage deposit, or car purchase (needed to get to work). All loans were paid in full, some faster than others. This was in their early 20's when they were just getting on their feet financially. Ten years on they are all doing quite well.

Our children are very independent financially, although we are fairly generous with our time and gifts, especially for their household needs. None of us are high income bracket; we are all clerical workers or tradesmen.

It makes me quite proud that they are managing their finances, and they are open to advice from us. I went with my youngest son (25 now) to see a financial advisor and helped him budget for insurance and long term savings.

We were also helped with loans from parents and they were always paid within a reasonable time frame. We would never think to expect a gift, and were very grateful to receive modest inheritances.

Wish I could do more but I when the gc were at school I always bought their school shoes and helped with trips etc. Helped my adult son when he hit rock bottom through no fault of his own. Also took them on holiday at least once a year, bucket and spade type holiday in this country.

Now we have paid for all 5 gc to have driving lessons and help with spending money for holidays as we don't tend to give birthday and christmas presents

Gilly you do help.
Child care costs can be more than a mortgage!
You provide food, Breakfast cafe?
Taxi service etc.

Without you the wheels would come flying off!

Most of all you are a fun and loving grandmother and will be remembered as such.

No price tag on Love.

Ps loved your ceramic painting

Paid for weddings and bits and pieces for gc. Have not the funds yet to help. Like you gillybob never inherited any money so it’s all whatever and whenever needed.

We helped both children with deposits for their first homes and paid for their weddings.
My mum and dad did the same for us.
Now we help enormously with care of the grandchildren so I suppose that’s a kind of financial help although we love it and aren’t taken advantage of.
If either of them needed help I hope we could give it. I expect the oldest one could probably help us out!

Oh how I wish I could help out my children as some of the previous posters have done but I have never inherited a penny from anywhere and DH and I have no savings .

I do help out with clothes, shoes etc. for the 4 DGC and we paid for the materials to refurbish DD’s garden, we did all the work ourselves though. That’s about it sadly .

Oh to win the lottery .

We have helped in all the ways mentioned above and do not regret a penny, we get pleasure from helping.

My parents would have given us the coats off their backs, but as it would have meant hardship for them, I always refused.

My grandparents were not well off, I loved them to bits.
My grandparents gave us love and time. ?.

I think we all want 'better' for the next generation.

Paid for a wedding, bought them their first flats ,buy stuff for the GC ,paid for the materials and decorated D's house last week and its ongoing .New baby due so cot promised and clothes and time .I am happy to look after them ,my mother rarely watched mine for more than a couple of hours and she clockwatched to make sure we weren't late back .

I think previous generations had much less and therefore had less to give. I certainly would not compromise my own financial security to pay off the next generation debt. Younger people sometimes expect the lifestyle of their parents, however they would not have witnessed the years to sacrifice and hardwork that is often behind it. If there's anything to spare then help out, but giving everything when your own old age income is scant is really poor planning.

My mum and dad helped out when my children were young and they were both working buying shoes and taking us on holidays. I have tried to do the same but DIL does not welcome help sometimes. My GPs didn't have much money but always gave us something when we visited. My Mum's mum who lived to be 90 used to save money in a piggy bank for my 3 DSs to share. They had such fun counting and working out their share of the small coins. In our family helping out the next generations is just normal.

I pretty well did as you did CrazyH, except I paid for D and GC's holidays abroad. Widowed but with a private pension, which I worked damned hard for with the NHS, but it helps pay the bills. Funded the GC when they were growing up too.

Prams for the GGC especially when the twins were born over 13 years ago, then subsequent births later. Toys at Christmas and a good supply of food for them all. That goes for every Christmas.

Fortunately I've always been able to help out when needed while still making sure that I didn't go short myself in case I needed a large kitchen item ( white goods ) or the TV, etc.
I eat well and don't go without any treats where needed.

There's nothing I need as I've done extensive travelling in the past so I've only been too happy to help everyone out and I'd much rather have given the money etc while I'm still here to avoid seeing any of them struggling when I could have helped by downsizing.
D has only 7 years left on her mortgage so I count my family as being fortunate in this age of austerity when a lot of people are struggling.

I have given one DC the deposit for a house and paid the mortgage off on another. I am paying school fees for GC and also paying for refurbishment of GD's bedroom.
There are no pockets in shrouds.