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Bank of Gran and Grandad

(35 Posts)
LaraGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 23-Aug-19 15:30:20

Another radio interview topic - popular today grin.
This one is only for Tuesday though. They want to talk about how adult children rely on their parents financially and also if people have had to compromise on their own financial security in order to help out their children (or grandchildren). Also, whether or not this is vastly different to previous generations. It sounds like an interesting conversation so if there is anything you would like to contribute, we'd love to hear.

lemongrove Fri 23-Aug-19 15:40:01

We haven’t compromised our own security, but we have helped out our AC ( a few times) over the years, for weddings and cars and new bathrooms etc.They never asked for a penny, but we were pleased to be able to do it.
I honestly don’t know if this is different to previous generations.

Chucky Fri 23-Aug-19 15:51:29

I have given two of my children the full deposit for their house, plus helped another out and paid for her wedding. The money came from my inheritance from my mother’s estate. Actually gave away more than I got!
I have also had to help daughter out when she had a baby (which wasn’t planned) as she only got basic maternity pay. I have paid for her grocery shopping every week and bought clothes, nappies, wipes etc. I reckon the bill would come to at least a couple of thousand. Meanwhile I only buy basics for myself as I am actually not very well off. I am retired, though it is on I’ll health grounds, rather than age (under 60)! I prefer not to think how I am going to manage if I do live a longer life than I can afford!

BBbevan Fri 23-Aug-19 15:56:49

We have helped out our adult children when needed. My mum and dad were very generous and took us all, my sister's family included, on holiday every year. My dad was always the first to get his wallet out. So we have tried to be the same. When our DGD1 started secondary school ,we organised to pay some money into her bank account every month. Mostly to get her used to handling her own money. It gives us great pleasure to do it.

Pantglas1 Fri 23-Aug-19 15:59:02

We paid for daughters weddings as expected but since then I’ve only given them token sums from drawdown of pension lump sums. Their children will inherit our homes in Spain and Wales and any monies left over - if there’s any.....

shysal Fri 23-Aug-19 16:08:41

My father was well off but didn't believe in helping the next generation. I have never forgotten losing the first house we wanted to buy because he wouldn't lend us the £100 we were short for the deposit. For this reason I worked long overtime hours to save full house deposits for our daughters. Both their marriages have failed but I don't feel that it was wasted. One DD has needed financial help when her ex left her homeless and penniless with 3 children, and I have been pleased to be able to do it for her. Things are a little tight for me these days but my needs are few and I am so glad I was able to help.

jane1956 Fri 23-Aug-19 16:17:17

Have helped AC with cars etc and holiday spending and often eldest grandson but not compromised our security Would never do that. Never had help ourselves from parents but pleased to ease the burdens of sons

sodapop Fri 23-Aug-19 16:23:07

I would not help children or grandchildren with luxury items such as holidays or cars. I have helped with house expenses and other necessities.
I would not compromise my own financial security unless it was a serious problem such as the one shysal had with her daughter.

kittylester Fri 23-Aug-19 16:28:53

We have paid for or contributed to all weddings and helped with other things on an ad hoc basis.

None of those things have jeopardized our financial position.

The only help we ever had was fil guaranteeing a loan when we bought our first business.

crazyH Fri 23-Aug-19 16:39:45

When I downsized , I gave my 3 children a good sum each. I think all of them have used the money wisely....paid off a small part of their mortgage.
Since then, I have taken them all on a family weekend together. I am divorced, don't have a private pension, but the remaining money from the house sale is there as a cushion. And also, my ex gives me a small court ordered alimony payment .
I do not have extravagant needs I think I have enough and I am content. I'd rather give it to them now, than after I've gone. I can see them enjoying it .

harrigran Fri 23-Aug-19 17:29:33

I have given one DC the deposit for a house and paid the mortgage off on another. I am paying school fees for GC and also paying for refurbishment of GD's bedroom.
There are no pockets in shrouds.

EllanVannin Fri 23-Aug-19 17:30:59

I pretty well did as you did CrazyH, except I paid for D and GC's holidays abroad. Widowed but with a private pension, which I worked damned hard for with the NHS, but it helps pay the bills. Funded the GC when they were growing up too.

Prams for the GGC especially when the twins were born over 13 years ago, then subsequent births later. Toys at Christmas and a good supply of food for them all. That goes for every Christmas.

Fortunately I've always been able to help out when needed while still making sure that I didn't go short myself in case I needed a large kitchen item ( white goods ) or the TV, etc.
I eat well and don't go without any treats where needed.

There's nothing I need as I've done extensive travelling in the past so I've only been too happy to help everyone out and I'd much rather have given the money etc while I'm still here to avoid seeing any of them struggling when I could have helped by downsizing.
D has only 7 years left on her mortgage so I count my family as being fortunate in this age of austerity when a lot of people are struggling.

trisher Fri 23-Aug-19 17:32:07

My mum and dad helped out when my children were young and they were both working buying shoes and taking us on holidays. I have tried to do the same but DIL does not welcome help sometimes. My GPs didn't have much money but always gave us something when we visited. My Mum's mum who lived to be 90 used to save money in a piggy bank for my 3 DSs to share. They had such fun counting and working out their share of the small coins. In our family helping out the next generations is just normal.

Daisymae Fri 23-Aug-19 17:59:21

I think previous generations had much less and therefore had less to give. I certainly would not compromise my own financial security to pay off the next generation debt. Younger people sometimes expect the lifestyle of their parents, however they would not have witnessed the years to sacrifice and hardwork that is often behind it. If there's anything to spare then help out, but giving everything when your own old age income is scant is really poor planning.

paddyann Fri 23-Aug-19 18:11:34

Paid for a wedding, bought them their first flats ,buy stuff for the GC ,paid for the materials and decorated D's house last week and its ongoing .New baby due so cot promised and clothes and time .I am happy to look after them ,my mother rarely watched mine for more than a couple of hours and she clockwatched to make sure we weren't late back .

Cherrytree59 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:30:59

We have helped in all the ways mentioned above and do not regret a penny, we get pleasure from helping.

My parents would have given us the coats off their backs, but as it would have meant hardship for them, I always refused.

My grandparents were not well off, I loved them to bits.
My grandparents gave us love and time. 💓.

I think we all want 'better' for the next generation.

gillybob Fri 23-Aug-19 19:14:13

Oh how I wish I could help out my children as some of the previous posters have done sad but I have never inherited a penny from anywhere and DH and I have no savings .

I do help out with clothes, shoes etc. for the 4 DGC and we paid for the materials to refurbish DD’s garden, we did all the work ourselves though. That’s about it sadly .

Oh to win the lottery . smile

PamelaJ1 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:14:46

We helped both children with deposits for their first homes and paid for their weddings.
My mum and dad did the same for us.
Now we help enormously with care of the grandchildren so I suppose that’s a kind of financial help although we love it and aren’t taken advantage of.
If either of them needed help I hope we could give it. I expect the oldest one could probably help us out!

Harris27 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:25:04

Paid for weddings and bits and pieces for gc. Have not the funds yet to help. Like you gillybob never inherited any money so it’s all whatever and whenever needed.

Cherrytree59 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:30:18

Gilly you do help.
Child care costs can be more than a mortgage!
You provide food, Breakfast cafe?
Taxi service etc.

Without you the wheels would come flying off!grin

Most of all you are a fun and loving grandmother and will be remembered as such.

No price tag on Love.

Ps loved your ceramic paintingsmile

Barmeyoldbat Fri 23-Aug-19 19:40:52

Wish I could do more but I when the gc were at school I always bought their school shoes and helped with trips etc. Helped my adult son when he hit rock bottom through no fault of his own. Also took them on holiday at least once a year, bucket and spade type holiday in this country.

Now we have paid for all 5 gc to have driving lessons and help with spending money for holidays as we don't tend to give birthday and christmas presents

CanadianGran Fri 23-Aug-19 20:34:36

We have loaned our adult children money to help with initial mortgage deposit, or car purchase (needed to get to work). All loans were paid in full, some faster than others. This was in their early 20's when they were just getting on their feet financially. Ten years on they are all doing quite well.

Our children are very independent financially, although we are fairly generous with our time and gifts, especially for their household needs. None of us are high income bracket; we are all clerical workers or tradesmen.

It makes me quite proud that they are managing their finances, and they are open to advice from us. I went with my youngest son (25 now) to see a financial advisor and helped him budget for insurance and long term savings.

We were also helped with loans from parents and they were always paid within a reasonable time frame. We would never think to expect a gift, and were very grateful to receive modest inheritances.

Gonegirl Fri 23-Aug-19 20:40:42

It depends on the adult child. One of mine has worked hard and made a good life for herself single-handedly, one of them married a man with a highly paid job (good for her I say), and the other one, son, cannot cope with the world no matter how hard he tries, and I can't imagine how he would manage without a lot of help from us. He is a very good, kind person and I will never let him go without.

We have, of course, helped all three financially, but the one just needs more, of necessity.

Granny23 Fri 23-Aug-19 21:29:27

Neither my Parents nor In Laws were in a position to help us financially. In fact we had to bail both sets out on occasion. However, we were able, by both working two jobs, to pay deposits on flats for our daughters when they went to Uni. They always had rent paying, bill sharing flatmates, which ensured that they could pay their mortgages and eventually sell the flats at a big profit and buy their own 'forever family homes'. Being building trade their father was able to upgrade their flats and houses and as I had just retired when the DGC came along, I was able to do lots of childminding to enable the DDs to continue working. Meanwhile we lived fairly frugally and managed to save to fund our retirement.

With hindsight, we should have transferred more of our savings to the DDs and Grandchildren a while ago, because our savings and small private pension (mostly in DHs name) ensure that DH is self funding in his Care Home £700+ per week, which means that our savings pot will have been exhausted in 18 months. If we transferred money to our family now it would be regarded as deprivation of assets and they would be required to pay it back to fund their father's care.

Something to consider when planning for retirement. Better to help your family when they need it and share their joy, than have them wait for an inheritance, which may have dwindled to nothing to meet care costs.

Tangerine Fri 23-Aug-19 23:37:20

If it was necessary, I would help my children and they know that. So far, it hasn't been necessary.