Sinking feeling but why?

I used to have this due to depression and low self esteem. Had therapy and was taught to draw a circle, divide it into quarters then label them Thoughts, Emotions, Physical Senses (ie my wrists used to ache when I felt stressed) and Actions. Then each siuation this happens, write down how you are in each quarter. It really helps because you start to want to break the cycle!

I think that is quite natural for a thoughtful caring person.

Sounds like you’ve got some anxiety issues hon x

How nice to be so sensitive! I’d love it if I had such sensitive friends or family !

I'm the same, worrying about what I said or did. And in emails too. As others have said it's probably part of being an anxious person. And blaming ourselves when things go wrong.
I tend to overcompensate by keeping my mouth shut when I should be saying something. As my Dad taught, "when in doubt, say nowt."
But then they think I'm anti-social.

Crazy H I have found that a little note\card or few flowers goes a long way to make someone feel appreciated.

Crazy H I have found that a little note\card or few flowers goes a long way to make someone feel appreciated.

sorry must have pressed twice.

Me too! I always ‘beat myself up’ and go over every thing I have said after most social occasions. As I am terrified I will have put my foot in it or upset someone, it’s a horrible feeling but you are not alone ? And the chances are that because it is something you worry about, you won’t have actually done or said anything wrong...just been completely lovely? keep smiling xx

Yes, you seem to be worrying that other people will 'take offence' even though you did not 'give' it. I used to worry too, till I thought about the words and realised that taking when something is not given, is stealing!

And most people don't steal, so I learnt to relax and accept that more people worry about the impression they left with others, than condemn the people they were with.

Good luck and keep smiling. It is very difficult to be cross with someone who is genuinely smiling!

I lacked confidence as a teenager, but spent my 30,40’s very confidant, hit the menopause and once again lost confidence and suddenly became anxious in social situations and even in my work ( where I am super respected ) . I suspect menopause brought on hormonal depression because since testosterone replacement I’ve got my confidence back and I feel more like myself! I’m not saying daft things either.

But on another note nice people forgive and those who want to interpret what you say negatively will find something or make it up! I am very careful to be sensitive to people and pleasant but a few years ago a ‘friend’ was overtaken by jealousy ( boring story) and wrote me a very long letter listing all my mistakes , none , 90% of which I was unaware of , a large part her deliberate misinterpretation and 10% of which I knew about. That knocked my confidence and after buckets of tears I thought I can’t be bothered to worry any more. I know my intention and that’s good enough for me ! Four friends thought I was lovely and one woman thought I was the devil incarnate so who am I ? I concluded maybe it doesn’t say much about me and a lot about them, ie four lovely women !

It seems when we are overstretched this happens. A pre primed tool may be that if you know roughly who is coming get a list together to ask attendees about themselves, good things like how did you feel after scoring that goal? How and what questions are generally ones that get people opening up.
Give it a try , a Dale Carnegie tool was to have little cards on the others interests, ie ask about the puppy, painting, holiday.

I haven't time to read all you answers but I would imagine that you are always invited again to these sorts of things. You'd probably find that those invites didn't get given if you were bad company!

I'm just the same. If we're having visitors (not a frequent event any more) I agonise over food likes/dislikes etc. But afterwards hit rock bottom thinking about what I should have done or said differently. I have lost a lot of self confidence and I know I'm depressed.i have always been the people pleaser in my family - I had some counselling & that helped also recently did a 8 week mindfulness course which wasn't too expensive which was very good & helped me feel better about life. You sound like a thoroughly nice lady thats kind to everyone except yourself.

I do the same as DanniRae now. I think it's actually an OCD thing that some of us replay events and conversations in our heads getting increasingly anxious about the details. So now I just distract myself when it happens. If you find that hard, try the elastic band around the wrist trick. Snap it just hard enough to hurt when you "disobey" your own instructions to stop thinking. It also helps with obsessing over ex-partners, btw

I know my problem. Low (well no) self esteem.. I have never felt even remotely as good as everyone else so am constantly questioning myself.

Life is to short , just enjoy yourself . If you had done anything to offend or upset someone , I'm sure someone would of said something . Chill out and just be yourself .

Most of us were brought up being told we were showing off if we put our heads above the parapet. Girls in particular were expected to be quiet and modest.

Fortunately I came to my senses in my twenties. Partly because other people aren’t paying that close attention to every word we utter and most don’t pay that much attention to what others are doing or wearing. They are probably too busy fretting about what others think about them. People who are mentally criticising you are not worthy of your care and concern because they have “issues” of their own.

I never feel that way; but my wife often says that I should be less free with my opinions when asked what I think ? But as it's family and they have in most cases known me since childhood, they should only ask my opinion if they want it. Having said that if any have an issue that requires sensitivity, they all approach me first. So I'm not entirely at home in clod hoppers

I think the ability to listen carefully and not jump in with one's own experience is very important and valued. So if you ask how they/their mother/their bad back etc is and genuinely listen to their reply before answering that is helpful. You might then say That must have been a difficult time or so pleased little Sam is doing so well at school etc. Since a counciller friend said this I noticed how most people find listening hard .

If I find myself doing that (which I did frequently) , I tell myself that it has come and gone now and I can't change. So I mentally put it in a box, shut the lid and throw it out! Hugs to you xx

Glenfinnan you are not alone. I often feel that way too. And it's definitely got worse as I've got older. I seem to analyse things more now and wonder if I have said some thing upsetting etc. I also worry more about what others might think about things I wouldn't give any thought to when I was younger. I try hard not to but I just can't help having horrible feelings of anxiety

I always fell the same so you are not alone

I was extremely confident from my late teens until I was early 50s. This past few years I've turned into a real worrier. It drives me insane. There's some good comments on here. It does appear it may well be an age thing.

I agree with this Amagran , People who care about you obviously do know you and accept you for being you ! I too worry about stuff like this and then suddenly someone will say something nice about our time together and I realise I couldn't have been that bad !