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I feel I can''t cope with any more

(47 Posts)
pinkjj27 Tue 27-Aug-19 13:10:43

I vowed I would never post on GN again due to being attacked for my spelling when answering on another post, but I feel so lost so lonely and just feel I can’t cope with one more thing going wrong.
Earlier this year My husband's grave was smashed up. I put the grave back and brought new things for it. It happened again and again. ( I know my own fault for putting it all back) I got a small birdwatching camera and caught pictures of my step son damaging the grave. He actually urinated and phooed all over the grave, wiping the phoo into the head stone. ( I had to clean it up)

I contacted police but they said unless a life was at risk or it was racial or homophobic, they didn’t deal with criminal damage anymore. They told me to paid to have my husband dug up and cremated even though that is not what he wanted and I can’t afford that if it’s even possible. I rang police after my step son got in touch asking for money and the police threaten to charge me with wasting their time. if I called them again on this matter. I went down very low and have stopped going to the grave I can’t cope with seeing it like it is. I have felt like my Dh died all over again and i miss visting him.

Then £ 500 was taken out my bank, it turned out to be Virgin media. After much dispute and them testing my home phone, which I hardly used it turned out they had charged me £475 for one phone call made to my mobile over a number of hours/ days. I think my mother who has dementia came in when I was away and called my mobile from my home phone and forgot to hang up. I have to pay it virgin won’t help in any way.

Then I was diagnosed with an autoimmune defect disease which has left me feeling poorly and low for some time now but it’s getting worse and doctors can’t seem to help.

I have also had lot of other thing go wrong to the point I shake every time my phone rings or a letter comes through the door. I have been feeling suicidal but then feel ashamed for being self-pitying.

I have not been out much this summer and can’t make my weekly visit to my DHs grave.

My doctor ( if I can get an appointment) is not very helpful and there are no doctors taking new patens near me.

I started a DIY project that became too much and I just can’t seem to move on with it and I am in a mess at home. I got a quote but can’t afford to fix it so have to do it myself.

Then yesterday I found out my sister had passed away. She has been ill for some time. She has very brave positive and getting on with her life. I have been texting her and she has been replying and we have met up and stuff so the relationship was ok.

For over a month or so I felt something wasn’t quite right I have text her and she has answered but she kept asking me not to text and I just got the feeling something wasn’t right. I decided to ask my sister something only her and I would know, when I got the reply, I knew it wasn’t by sister. I said who is that? no reply, then I said is that XXXX? ( My nephews name). A reply came back with no it’s his wife. I said “is my sister still alive? she said “Really? you really want to do this in a text?” I said “can you just tell me the truth”. The reply came back with “no she is dead” I was very hurt and upset. I asked about the funeral. The reply was so up setting and shocking. The reply. was “Been, done and gone” she died in July you have been texting me, you idiot".

It turns out that only 2 of my sisters, one in Spain and one in USA were told, myself and one other little sister were not told. My other (older) sisters didn’t contact us!!! I have no idea why but one of my sisters is very very rich and ashamed of me because I live in a small ex council house and I have dyslexia ( but I do have a degree a masters and a teaching qualification so not I am thick ) . She has told me many times I am embarrassment and I should be ashamed of who I am. (I am not) She lives in Spain and they have servants and vin yards and she academically very intelligent and married to a very wealthy man. . So, I guess that why she didn’t tell me she thinks I am not worthy. but my little sister wasnt told eaither. I am not sure why my oldest sister, who is also very rich disnt tell us. She just said “what is there to say we all knew she was dying end of. It don’t matter when it happened, so you weren’t told get over it. Why do you always have to bring emotion to it? you werent invited we were what does that tell you dont cry its done .” I didn’t reply.

Both my older sisters inherited my dad’s wealth but he always said I wasn’t his so didn’t include me in the will. But I have never contested that nor been bitter about it. I have never mentioned it. I signed a document to say I wouldn’t contest it.
They oldest two are rich but my little sister and I are not and my nephews says he didn’t want us to contest my sister's will!! As If we would!!!! I knew of the will and he is her son of course I would never contest that. There is nothing to ever suggest we would.

My other sister got very drunk and went for my sister’s family but I just feel so very hurt and overwhelmed with grief that I feel I can’t cope with any more. I had to ring around and tell my cousins and uncles she had gone most didn’t know.
I breast fed my Nephew when my sister couldn’t, he is two days older than my youngest I protected him and stood up for him against bullies. I feel so hurt and I feel like I am grieving for my husband all over again as well as my sister.

My nephew is refusing to tell me where she is buried and says that she said she didn’t want me at the grave. I was on good terms with her so she had no reason to say that. When I asked why he didn’t tell me he said "because you are emotional moron" then blocked me. I am emotional.

We had a terrible childhood and my sisters and I were very close I protected my little sisters from my abusive violent father. He hated me but adored my two older sisters. My mother was cold and obsessed with my father and would tell us kids to say a man had come into the home to make him jealous. She would put glasses of whisky out and put fags in ash trays to make it look like and man had been in. My dad would come home and smashed the house up us younger kids included. I took the brunt of it as he always said I was a bastard and not his, my mum would taunt him and laugh and say no she is not and I enjoyed every moment of it to make his jealous and he wouls attack me voilently. Then they would make up and the games would go on and on. I have suffered anxiety since age 7.

A D&A shows I was his, even though I am very different to the rest.

My nephew was always lovely but he changed after marrying a very controlling women but I have had no trouble with them. I have no idea why they have done this to me and my little sister.

Sorry this is so long. I don’t expect answers I just wanted to pour it all out. I don’t seem to have anyone to talk to I am lecturer so off work till next month and feel so alone so trapped. I just feel I have so much I am dealing with I can’t see the point to life.

Please don’t attack me for my spelling or grammar.

SueDonim Tue 27-Aug-19 13:23:37

Pinkjj27 that's just a terrible thing. I am so sorry.

You say your GP is not much good but I see you are a lecturer. Most places of education have a mental health department nowadays - can you approach them for help?

I also lost my sister this year, it's a very painful experience. You have all my sympathy. flowers

Doodle Tue 27-Aug-19 13:30:08

pink what a terrible time you have had. I do think you need to talk to someone and Suedonim has a good idea.
Also what about talking to Citizens Advice about your phone bill and other matters. See if they can help. Shame your GP is not more helpful. Could you see someone else at the surgery?

KatyK Tue 27-Aug-19 13:31:14

pink You have been through such a lot. Try again to get help. I have also been through lots of bad stuff as many of us have. I almost lost the plot last year as I became so overwhelmed by life events. Don't let this happen to you. Also don't let people criticising your spelling etc on here put you off posting. It will help to let it out and get some support.

MissAdventure Tue 27-Aug-19 13:35:38

pink first of all, treat idiots who pick on peoples spelling, as just that; IDIOTS!

It sounds as if you've so much to deal with, it's hardly surprising you feel so down.

Some of it you can't change, however much it has hurt you over the years.

I haven't got any advice really, except to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

Do you think you'll see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel when you go back to work?

Keep posting here; there are lots of kind, caring people who will be happy to chat with you, about your problems, as well as chit chat, and it helps, if only to distract you.

Jillybird Tue 27-Aug-19 13:42:11

Pinkjj27, where to start... first, I will never attack you for your spelling - my own sister and son are dyslexic and I became a teacher specializing in teaching dyslexic students of all ages. I find it infuriating that anyone should make ignorant comments about someone's spelling. I can't find my way anywhere and if it were not for satnavs I would not even have a car. I simply can't remember roads, no matter how hard I try - they all look equally familiar and equally unfamiliar. No one makes rude comments about my disability. I think you are very brave posting on here again after receiving nasty comments.
I can't think that anything else I say right now will answer the myriad of terrible problems you have around you. Your abusive upbringing has so much to answer for. There are so many issues in your life and you seem surrounded by spiteful relatives determined to continue feuds- some people just get a kick out of them, sadly. They want their own lives to resemble 'East Enders' on the tv with a drama a minute. It's clearly very hard indeed for you not to be drawn into their game. Try hard to resist, don't engage, let them come to you. If they don't, it's their loss. You can forge a life for yourself. I'm not suggesting it will be easy, and I do suggest that you ask your GP for counselling. By your own admission you need help, and it's probably beyond us here on the internet to offer enough. You need some serious professional help, and don't let them fob you off with six weeks of sessions- you need and deserve so much more. Sending a virtual hug. Xxx

EllanVannin Tue 27-Aug-19 14:44:57

I'm going to be selfish here and say that I'd completely forget and ignore anyone, family or not and focus purely on yourself totally. Without your health you're lost, both physically and mentally so start by shutting everything and everybody out of your life and concentrate on your well-being as only then will you be able to face life and stand up to these trials that are taking over your life.

You need to clear your mind and tackle one thing at a time no matter how long it takes.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 15:02:41

As for spelling.....NOBODY IS PERFECT, although unfortunately some people like to think they are.

May I kindly suggest, you have written a fair bit there for folks to digest.
How about posting a paragraph at a time? There are some really kind people on this forum.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 15:05:44

How about write out and number each point...
1. upset about grave
2. DIY project
3. Issues with will
4. Hopeless doctor

and so on.....then try to rank them from worst to least. Pick one and try to work at it.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 15:07:27

Absolutely nothing wrong with phoning the Samaritans.

Demand a better GP for a start.

Dee1012 Tue 27-Aug-19 15:17:32

I can understand how you feel about posting, I too faced a backlash from some people over a grammatical error when I posted BUT I also read some lovely supportive comments, I'm so pleased that you can see kindness here too!
If you work perhaps your employer's or union have assistance available? I think talking things through with someone would be a start and possibly you could then work on each issue rather than face 'the avalanche'.
Mind are very good as are the Samaritans.
If you feel the police aren't helping, Victim Support can also offer advice and support around those issues.

Elliepops Tue 27-Aug-19 15:45:12

Oh, you poor lamb. Enough is enough,there is too much there for you to deal with.
What happened to you as a child was too awful, but,you overcame it and went on to marry.you also battled harder to get a masters,clever you.what an achievement?
.so we know you are brave and resilient.it is very,very hard,but can you let all the nastiness of your life go. The money,the abuse,the insults and the cruelty. It is done and can't be changed,although it ought to be. So,it is destroying your future life. Is there anybody that you trust, I suggest,not relatives, to get some counselling,or cbt,or even hypnotherapy. In my opinion you need to get on forward,and get out of the rut of despair. I also think a gp that is helpful can give you a mild anti depressant. Make up your mind that ,the new you,is going to hold her head high. Not be bogged down by events that nothing can be done again. Good luck. I hope you find the peace you need and deserve.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 15:53:05

Very good advice Ellie

Specky Tue 27-Aug-19 15:56:02

Hi Pink
Im so sorry to hear about all the horrible things that have happened to you and I'm not surprised you are feeling so overwhelmed. Im glad that you are talking to us and i think there has been some good advice written. Do you have a friend you can confide in or perhaps an advocacy service who can support you to get your voice heard.. Im thinking specifically about your G.P as getting a good one may be the route in to getting you the help you need. BUT if you are feeling like you are going to harm yourself go to A and E or call the crisis team in your area or the Samaritans or ring 111.

Do not do nothing! Remember the darkest hour is just before dawn!

Sending a massive virtual hug. Xxx

dogsmother Tue 27-Aug-19 16:10:52

Ah you just get it off you chest, I listened 😉.
It does you good to offload and I truly hope you feel a kinship with us all here as anonymous as we are I feel it.
You have had a lot going on and setting it all out is a good place to start making sense of it and maybe deal with some of it too xx

fizzers Tue 27-Aug-19 16:18:05

So sorry you are suffering so badly at the moment, and having to face so much turmoil. Youdid the right thing in posting here and getting it all off your chest.

Ignore the ignorant ones who criticise your speelings or grammar, none of us are perfect.

I'd check out the mental health help that may be available through your employer, be it therapy or medication or a combination of both.

As for your family, completely cut the bad ones out of your life, they sound messed up and are not helping you at all. Stick with the onesd who are with you.

Regarding the Virgin bill, well I'd check with Citizen's advice, or a solicitor that offers a free one hour session, some Uni's that offer law courses offer free legal advice, I know mine does. Might be worth speaking to your local councillors regarding this also.

fizzers Tue 27-Aug-19 16:18:30

*spellings

sodapop Tue 27-Aug-19 17:01:01

You have a lot to cope with at the moment pinkjj no wonder you are feeling anxious and depressed.
Lessismore is right, don't try to deal with everything at once, prioritise your problems then deal with them one at a time. Most importantly get some help for your mental health issues. Good luck.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 17:54:05

I have messaged you pink, please contact the Samaritans.

Tedber Tue 27-Aug-19 18:10:53

Phew....to much for us Gnetters to be really helpful. Please seek help from professionals. Samaritans may be first point of call but - in my experience - weren't that helpful. You need to go back to your GP surgery and ask to speak to a different doctor! Take someone with you. Spell out exactly how you feel. I wish you well x

BlueBelle Tue 27-Aug-19 18:42:06

Sending a big hug pink I remember your other thread about the grave and how upsetting it is for you please please please get professional help you have had an awful abusive childhood and that will colour your whole life until you can overcome all that abuse
Please, please cut out the nasty family members and contact only the ones you are comfortably with your little sister for one sounds as if you could be a comfort to one another
The virgin bill is ludicrous the same happened to my friend with TalkTalk and they wrote it off completely please go to citizens advice I know they will help you
Lastly forget the awful spelling police you are an intelligent woman with a great career my granddaughter is dyslexic and just got 11 GCSEs As and Bs
I so hope you can get help and overcome this horribleness and find a more peaceful life fir the future
💕💐

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 18:44:50

I don't feel it is too much, I feel the original post could easily be re written if he OP has the energy.

It's not terribly helpful to say, try the Samaritans but they weren't that helpful. As in all things the people you deal with vary and you may need 2 or 3 attempts before you clock with the help.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 18:46:59

Badly worded, sorry I'm tired. " click" not " clock".

Pink , try and break this down into manageable chunks, some of it sadly cannot be changed, some of it you can change with support.

Tedber Tue 27-Aug-19 19:05:16

You hit it though Liessimore....Sometimes you need to phone the Samaritans 3 or 4 or maybe more times to click! People don't always have that amount of time! IF they get one bad or non helpful experience...how many people keep trying?

I didn't tell the OP it wasn't worth it. I just said ...'in my experience' I also think OP needs more urgent help in this case.

Lessismore Tue 27-Aug-19 19:50:42

I am so worried about her.