I vowed I would never post on GN again due to being attacked for my spelling when answering on another post, but I feel so lost so lonely and just feel I can’t cope with one more thing going wrong.
Earlier this year My husband's grave was smashed up. I put the grave back and brought new things for it. It happened again and again. ( I know my own fault for putting it all back) I got a small birdwatching camera and caught pictures of my step son damaging the grave. He actually urinated and phooed all over the grave, wiping the phoo into the head stone. ( I had to clean it up)
I contacted police but they said unless a life was at risk or it was racial or homophobic, they didn’t deal with criminal damage anymore. They told me to paid to have my husband dug up and cremated even though that is not what he wanted and I can’t afford that if it’s even possible. I rang police after my step son got in touch asking for money and the police threaten to charge me with wasting their time. if I called them again on this matter. I went down very low and have stopped going to the grave I can’t cope with seeing it like it is. I have felt like my Dh died all over again and i miss visting him.
Then £ 500 was taken out my bank, it turned out to be Virgin media. After much dispute and them testing my home phone, which I hardly used it turned out they had charged me £475 for one phone call made to my mobile over a number of hours/ days. I think my mother who has dementia came in when I was away and called my mobile from my home phone and forgot to hang up. I have to pay it virgin won’t help in any way.
Then I was diagnosed with an autoimmune defect disease which has left me feeling poorly and low for some time now but it’s getting worse and doctors can’t seem to help.
I have also had lot of other thing go wrong to the point I shake every time my phone rings or a letter comes through the door. I have been feeling suicidal but then feel ashamed for being self-pitying.
I have not been out much this summer and can’t make my weekly visit to my DHs grave.
My doctor ( if I can get an appointment) is not very helpful and there are no doctors taking new patens near me.
I started a DIY project that became too much and I just can’t seem to move on with it and I am in a mess at home. I got a quote but can’t afford to fix it so have to do it myself.
Then yesterday I found out my sister had passed away. She has been ill for some time. She has very brave positive and getting on with her life. I have been texting her and she has been replying and we have met up and stuff so the relationship was ok.
For over a month or so I felt something wasn’t quite right I have text her and she has answered but she kept asking me not to text and I just got the feeling something wasn’t right. I decided to ask my sister something only her and I would know, when I got the reply, I knew it wasn’t by sister. I said who is that? no reply, then I said is that XXXX? ( My nephews name). A reply came back with no it’s his wife. I said “is my sister still alive? she said “Really? you really want to do this in a text?” I said “can you just tell me the truth”. The reply came back with “no she is dead” I was very hurt and upset. I asked about the funeral. The reply was so up setting and shocking. The reply. was “Been, done and gone” she died in July you have been texting me, you idiot".
It turns out that only 2 of my sisters, one in Spain and one in USA were told, myself and one other little sister were not told. My other (older) sisters didn’t contact us!!! I have no idea why but one of my sisters is very very rich and ashamed of me because I live in a small ex council house and I have dyslexia ( but I do have a degree a masters and a teaching qualification so not I am thick ) . She has told me many times I am embarrassment and I should be ashamed of who I am. (I am not) She lives in Spain and they have servants and vin yards and she academically very intelligent and married to a very wealthy man. . So, I guess that why she didn’t tell me she thinks I am not worthy. but my little sister wasnt told eaither. I am not sure why my oldest sister, who is also very rich disnt tell us. She just said “what is there to say we all knew she was dying end of. It don’t matter when it happened, so you weren’t told get over it. Why do you always have to bring emotion to it? you werent invited we were what does that tell you dont cry its done .” I didn’t reply.
Both my older sisters inherited my dad’s wealth but he always said I wasn’t his so didn’t include me in the will. But I have never contested that nor been bitter about it. I have never mentioned it. I signed a document to say I wouldn’t contest it.
They oldest two are rich but my little sister and I are not and my nephews says he didn’t want us to contest my sister's will!! As If we would!!!! I knew of the will and he is her son of course I would never contest that. There is nothing to ever suggest we would.
My other sister got very drunk and went for my sister’s family but I just feel so very hurt and overwhelmed with grief that I feel I can’t cope with any more. I had to ring around and tell my cousins and uncles she had gone most didn’t know.
I breast fed my Nephew when my sister couldn’t, he is two days older than my youngest I protected him and stood up for him against bullies. I feel so hurt and I feel like I am grieving for my husband all over again as well as my sister.
My nephew is refusing to tell me where she is buried and says that she said she didn’t want me at the grave. I was on good terms with her so she had no reason to say that. When I asked why he didn’t tell me he said "because you are emotional moron" then blocked me. I am emotional.
We had a terrible childhood and my sisters and I were very close I protected my little sisters from my abusive violent father. He hated me but adored my two older sisters. My mother was cold and obsessed with my father and would tell us kids to say a man had come into the home to make him jealous. She would put glasses of whisky out and put fags in ash trays to make it look like and man had been in. My dad would come home and smashed the house up us younger kids included. I took the brunt of it as he always said I was a bastard and not his, my mum would taunt him and laugh and say no she is not and I enjoyed every moment of it to make his jealous and he wouls attack me voilently. Then they would make up and the games would go on and on. I have suffered anxiety since age 7.
A D&A shows I was his, even though I am very different to the rest.
My nephew was always lovely but he changed after marrying a very controlling women but I have had no trouble with them. I have no idea why they have done this to me and my little sister.
Sorry this is so long. I don’t expect answers I just wanted to pour it all out. I don’t seem to have anyone to talk to I am lecturer so off work till next month and feel so alone so trapped. I just feel I have so much I am dealing with I can’t see the point to life.
Please don’t attack me for my spelling or grammar.
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