Wind relief!

No idea about wind in the hotel ( sound proof knickers ?) but this thread brought back warm memories of my dads poetry. My dad was a glider pilot during the war and on one particularly terrifying mission they got delayed for 2 days because of weather which left men with their fears. So to distract them he set up a poetry competition about farting which of course he won. His had about 24 verses. We tried to get it written down before he passed away but ran out of time. I have a few written somewhere but know only one off by heart!
Dear Mrs Brown from Stockton on tees
Wore giant purple bloomers that came down to her knees
Upon her turn to deliver her fart
She bent over nicely but mis timed the start !

A doctor told me once that every day I should have a brisk walk and fart as I go. He qualified that advice by adding, 'But vary your route!' I could just hear people shouting a warning to each other, 'Lookout. That farting woman is coming along the street again.' ?

You could try this, it seems to work when I make chilli.
spicesontheweb.co.uk/search.php?search_query=epazote§ion=product

Epazote has a distinctively sharp, herbal flavor, reminiscent of oregano and fennel with minty, pine notes. It is commonly found in Mexican cooking, where it’s a popular pairing with beans, since epazote can reduce their tendency to cause flatulence.

Dont say anything and just brazen it out!!

Kefir has made a big difference to my OH.

Buscopan tablets. You can buy them in the pharmacy.

I see that you enjoy a glass of wine. When you have opened the bottle, save the cork. I think you know where to put it. Just don't point your rear end towards anything breakable, when you get up in the morning!!

Kefir might help - they sell it in the supermarkets or you can make your own.

www.yemoos.com/pages/milk-kefir-overview

This made me giggle, I’d say charcoal tabs

I have a friend who has the same problem and if we go on a 'girly' weekend and we share a room we just giggle about it! I don't have a problem with it at all, in fact, it's very liberating, knowing that should I ever be in the same predicament (I very rarely suffer from wind) then I won't have to be embarassed!

I’ve always been pretty windy but mine our loud but honest, don’t smell

I have just tried Alexa's method. Perhaps it was too soon after my dinner because it only produced a burp. Might try it again later.

Now I just have to suck my pelvic floor back up.

There have been some deliciously wicked responses- corks, Indian meals and trumping down the road to name but a few!
In the spirit of FC61's Dad, here is my feeble offering:
There was an old lady from Bristol
Whose trumps could shatter cut glass crystal
However she tried
She just could not hide
The sound of her unsilenced pistol!

(I am that old lady from Bristol).

On that note, I'll apologise to those who dislike lavatory humour, and thank everyone for their suggestions. It's actually a shame really that a 'normal' process can cause such embarrassment but the responses from everyone have been a great help.

I have been to a large branch of Boots this afternoon, who seemed to have sold out of much of their relevant stock (is this such a widespread problem?), and a Lloyd's Pharmacy, and am now armed with a packet of Wind Settlers and a packet of Senocaln for IBS, which has peppermint oil in it. Couldn't find any charcoal tablets, so armed with what I have, and the decision to forewarn my friend so that she can put her head under the pillow if necessary, I am hopeful of a good few days away.

Och just give her ear plugs!

Gonegirl

One of my memories of my Grandmother marching around our garden every time she ate a meal. She trumped with every step she took and it used to send us into uncontrollable giggles.

Someone told me that a hot bath releases trapped wind.

Get yourself a friend with the same problem and have a competition! That's what me and my friend do and always end up in stitches, especially at the rippers! But we are a bit immature. When in other company we both act like lay-deez!

Try Yakult. It balances the bacteria in the gut. My Mom says things are not so smelly when you drink this! Good luck.

“Where’er you be
let the wind go free
A fart suppressed
Was the death of me!”

Thanks to you all for such a good laugh and also your helpful advice. Trapped wind can cause terrible stomach pains and I have tried several different “remedies” as I also get very bloated and although still quite slim, can look several months pregnant on a bad day!

A couple of the comments made me laugh out loud, especially the waiters who applauded when the husband let rip!

Now off for my daily walk - making sure I take a different route today!

Terry Wogan always used to say that its not the trapped wind you have to worry about its the stuff that gets away!

?

I loved sir Tel.

Couldn't stand him.

Well that's nice

Apologies for my tardiness in posting - do you eat a lot of sugar free sweets as these can cause excessive wind etc? I can't offer curative advice but wanted to mention a possible cause.