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Miserable friend

(69 Posts)
Abuelana Thu 19-Sep-19 00:07:30

We have a couple we go on holiday with very nice couple except he sometimes becomes moody and won’t talk to anyone for days. We were on holiday in April and wouldn’t talk to us or his wife for 3 days. After that I’ve said I’m not spending my good money on going on holiday with them. May as we’ll be by ourselves. They are coming to our house for a week. If he does the moody I’m not talking lark. I’ve no idea how to handle it - help! I don’t want to upset my friend his wife. But I see no point in spending time with someone like this?

Fiachna50 Thu 19-Sep-19 01:25:31

Being honest it wouldnt be me. Why on earth go on holiday with people who make you miserable? I think I would be distancing myself from this couple. What does your husband think?

BradfordLass72 Thu 19-Sep-19 03:58:51

Have you spoken to his wife about this? Is there a good reason why he does it ir is it just a tantrum because he hasn't got his own way? Does he have a psychological problems?

If this is just a selfish, moody man trying to manipulate everyone by creating a dificult atmosphere, I'd be very tempted to exclude him from the next visit to your house and just enjoy the company of his pleasant, long-suffering wife.

BlueBelle Thu 19-Sep-19 04:06:26

Why go on holiday with a couple when 50% isn’t your cup of tea ? I dont get it can’t you be friends with them without having week long holidays with them ?
Life’s too short either accept that he’s as he is and ignore him when he goes off on one and the three of you do whatever you planned while he sulks alone or have your own holidays ALONE and keep them as friends without long periods in each other’s company

Tedber Thu 19-Sep-19 07:07:26

If you go on holiday and he is moody is one thing (your choice to go with them or not) If he comes to your own home as an invited guest and is moody then it is another!
Why accept the invitation? I would ask him if he is alright or is something bothering him?

Of course, he may not be being moody at all? Maybe just him? Some people are moody looking without being. If he's always like this I would guess it is something in his make-up and his wife just ignores it?

If it is a change of character then maybe he might be feeling ill/depressed/old....?

But as others said you aren't obliged to go on holiday with them or have them come to stay. If you love the wife I would say very little t.b.h. Just tell her you have plans to do x,y,z next time you are talking about holiday plans. Hopefully she will understand without having to explain its her miserable g*t of husband that is putting you off!

grapefruitpip Thu 19-Sep-19 07:38:35

Guests are like fish......

Beckett Thu 19-Sep-19 07:45:04

Some years ago we went on holiday with a couple and the husband was like this. First time he got into a mood we suggested going somewhere and when he said no, we went anyway and persuaded the wife to come with us -leaving him to stew. He only did it once.

Anja Thu 19-Sep-19 07:45:08

Will he answer a question directly when he’s in one of his phases? If so then ask him what is wrong.

I really think you need to let him know that you find this irritating and that he is affecting your peace of mind. Perhaps some plain speaking is called for.

Chewbacca Thu 19-Sep-19 08:06:28

If you found his moody behaviour in April, so unpleasant that you vowed never to holiday with them again, what on earth makes you think it will be any better to have him stay in your house for a week? confused

Harris27 Thu 19-Sep-19 08:12:40

I would let him know in no uncertain terms this isn’t acceptable behaviour for a grown adult!

sodapop Thu 19-Sep-19 08:31:33

I would speak to your friend first and find out the reason for her husband's behaviour. If he is just sulking then I would speak to him alone and tell him this is not acceptable and is spoiling your friendship. I certainly wouldn't want to have a guest who behaves like this unless there is a valid reason.

vena11 Thu 19-Sep-19 08:40:37

Life is to short to go on holiday with a miserable friend and as for staying a week, sorry I just could not do it in my own home, I am afraid I would say something if he started his sulks

Davidhs Thu 19-Sep-19 08:41:44

It takes all kinds, we had a couple we went on holiday with several times, very sociable all 4 of us together but as a couple they bickered continuously, nothing nasty, just needling each other all the time.
You do need to know another couple really well to spend a couple of weeks continuously, even family, try a long weekend first.

Hetty58 Thu 19-Sep-19 08:49:11

I once had a boss like this. If I upset him he'd stop talking (to me) for a few days so I had to pass on messages through another colleague. Funnily, I got used to it and we never discussed it. It was just the way he was so I ignored it, really. We carried on as usual at work.

NanaandGrampy Thu 19-Sep-19 08:49:24

I'd call him out on it . He's not a 2 year old and its not his wife's issue, its his. So I'd be up front- ask him what his problem is , can it be resolved and tell him its not acceptable behaviour - and it isn't.

If this is how he wants to act once he knows you wont tolerate it , then its up to you ( and him) if you want to continue spending time in his company.

Life is too short to waste it on sulkers .

Urmstongran Thu 19-Sep-19 08:53:03

I agree with BlueBelle and Chewbacca

Granarchist Thu 19-Sep-19 08:58:56

NanaandGrampy is right. We had this once when a group of us hired a lovely holiday house and one husband went into an enormous sulk. So the bravest of the wives invited him into a separate room for a 'chat' - he tried to say no but she said that 'either we do it elsewhere or we will have the chat here and now' - she then went off with him and explained that we all wanted to have a lovely holiday and he was making that impossible for everyone. He was making us all sad and she was sure that was not his intention - then she got him back into the group by laying the supper table with him and the rest of us so it was a gentle re-joining and nothing was ever said. It was brilliant - but very brave.

Humbertbear Thu 19-Sep-19 08:59:19

I’m afraid friendships and people change over time. We’ve been friends with a couple for 40 years and have always had a holiday with them at least once a year. However, the husband has become increasingly difficult and the last time we went with them he was so rude to the hotel manager that we were told to leave. We still see them ( not so often) but never suggest going away! However I think it’s important to say that real friends accept the ups and downs. Friends of ours know that when we go to stay, or they stay with us, my husband will simply need to take a ‘day off’ and stay home on his own.

love0c Thu 19-Sep-19 09:02:44

A difficult situation! It must be hard for you as you have been friends for a long time. We have become friendly with a couple at a particular hotel we go to. The wife is nice but the husband has become very nasty really and it is most uncomfortable sitting with them for meals. They join us not the other way round. This year I am going to ask them not to sit with us it her husband is nasty. What else can you do? I think you will just have to tell your friend, the wife you will not put up with his behaviour again.

luluaugust Thu 19-Sep-19 09:16:01

Whilst I agree real friends do go through the ups and downs with you, time moves on and it is probably right to stop the holidays together. You could speak to his wife about it first and make sure nothing medical is going on. As for the house staying, we never stay with anybody for more than two nights and generally don't have them here for longer. We are all older now and more set in our ways. If he does it in your house I would confront him, it doesn't have to be a row perhaps just concern for his obvious unhappiness.

Solonge Thu 19-Sep-19 10:10:09

Goodness....a week? That’s a long time for a visit. Maybe if you can’t find out why he is like this ignore it....act like you don’t notice. Organise outings and he can stay home. I’m amazed that his wife hasn’t explained to you.

humptydumpty Thu 19-Sep-19 10:20:24

If he doesn't want to be there, couldn't the wife come on her own while he stays at home?

TrendyNannie6 Thu 19-Sep-19 10:20:26

Personally I wouldn’t go away with someone again who was moody , why would you, and risk having him spoiling things for three other people, nor would I want him in my house for a week either, I would ask your friend why he behaves like it, shame when you get on well with his wife

humptydumpty Thu 19-Sep-19 10:20:43

If he doesn't want to be there, could he not stay at home and his wife come on her own?

humptydumpty Thu 19-Sep-19 10:21:08

Apologies, thought the first post hadn't worked!