Miserable friend

If this man were depressed or suffering with some form of bipolar disorder, the periods of withdrawal would be longer. He is clearly just a selfish person who knows perfectly well what he is doing. I would do two things: firstly, speak with your friend and find out whether these three-day silences only occur when they are in your company. If they do then there's nothing for it but to stop going away with them and inviting them to spend time with you because you are the trigger for his behaviour. Secondly, if this behaviour is only with you, I would speak directly with him and ask what it is that makes him feel he wants to withdraw because you may be able to get around it. If on the other hand, he is like this with all the friends they have then he's just a self-centred person and he's not going to change until his wife tells him she's had enough. Either way, I don't think you should dampen your holiday and social atmosphere by having him around. By doing that you are colluding with him, allowing him to continue, giving in to his selfish ways.

Oh lovely ! Nothing inflames me more than a moody person. I've got no tact whatsoever in situations like this so I'd be out with it and ask who'd knitted their face and dropped a stitch ?
I'd soon break their silence !

Abuelana, any feedback please?

My late DH had a tendency to behave like this, as his wife I would take him aside when I could see it coming and explain the likely consequences. It never became a real issue. Perhaps the OP's friend isn't able to influence her husband ? Or maybe she doesn't see why she should ! I did it to ensure a happy holiday for all of us, DH included.

My FIL is like this. My MIL and husband struggled for years with his moods. A while back he went into the usual funk so I said to everyone I really want to go for a walk ( I’m the guest I can choose) , you FIL probably want to stay here and think some more so we’ll see you later. He knew what I was up to which was ‘ you throw a moody on me and I will power everyone out the door and you can be mizzy on your own!’ He put a big smile on his face , put his coat on , and pulled up his socks, and we had a great time. Other times I give him my ‘ aren’t you a bit old for this behaviour’ look. I am the most affectionate to him but most strict and he loves it! We’re actually quite close now but I do have to tell him off occasionally. He likes being parented. My MIL & DH are learning fast! Having said that I have an uncle and my tactics don’t work on him at all ! He just throws a tantrum and sulks for days. I always make sure I don’t stay and can leave.

This is passive-aggressive behaviour and his wife really needs to sort this out with him if she wants to holiday with you again. He's clearly been allowed to behave in this childish way instead of communicating whatever is the matter. I think you really need to have a word with her ... she clearly knows he behaves in this way so it won't be a surprise to hear it makes you uncomfortable. All the best though

I know a couple that go away with friends. The husband is difficult, loves an argument. Why oh why would you want to go on holiday with a moody person? Holidays are supposed to be relaxing! They’ve asked us to go away several times with them. Never in a million years

Are you coming back to this conversation op?

Has he always tended to behave like this?

Reading your post, I got the impression that you have been on more than one holiday with them and that these moods have occurred more than once.

If I am right in this assumption and you have never asked either him or his wife what is wrong, I think it would be quite difficult to broach the subject now.

You could try asking if you had offended him in some way, I suppose.

I would certainly not go on holiday with this couple again.

Asking his wife for visits alone makes for a very difficult situation IMO, as telling anyone that you would rather not see their spouse is almost bound to be hurtful and she may well feel she ought to say no to an invitation that excludes her husband.

If you value her friendship and want to continue to see her, I think you are going to have to be honest with her. Say as kindly as possible that you find her husband's moodiness difficult to cope with and ask her how you should tackle it.

You will be running the risk of ending the friendship whether you try to discuss this honestly with her.

I would be cancelling their stay with you!

Is he what you consider normally sociable at other times? Can he be jollied out of it?
Maybe he feels he's not appreciated in some way? What would happen if you gave him a few nice flowers or bought him a drink when he is in a bad mood?

Hello, OP.....??????
Is this a genuine post or are Da Management thinking up new threads on a quiet day?

The wife is lovely and a dear friend. We will NOT be going on holiday again with them... They are coming to us to see our new grandchild.
Each and everyone of you has a valid answer and I’m asking myself why do we tolerate his behaviour. The wife just says it’s him and nothing we can do about it. Will be saying something this time if he does go into a sulk. Life’s too short for sure. Thank you ladies

@Nanasam definitely a genuine post ?

I understand how you feel spending money on your holiday and I feel for the husband's wife because my ex was the same. He, when I look back now tried to split up my friendships with the heavy atmosphere he caused. It was incredible how he could do it in a room.

Abuelana, I have every sympathy for you. Ditto for anyone else who has problems with moody friends and family.

My twin would often get in a mood and make our time together with her and her husband very miserable. In the end we refused to go on holiday with them.

If I wanted to see my sister, I ended up having to visit her and her husband on her own because my husband would no longer put up with my sister's nonsense.

Once she asked why my husband didn't come with me and I had to tell her straight. She was apologetic of course but there was no change in her moods. Some visits were fine, others were really awkward. RIP sister.

thank you ladies...
if he starts this holiday I will definitely address the situation.
i just love the 13 year old who put grumpy down x

Abuelana
It was the 'quite nice shoes' that was the killer blow! I love her too

I am honest and straightforward. I always try to say things as they are, but in as a nice way as possible. I would take the grumpy bugger to one side and ask him what the hell is going on and does he realise he's spoiling your holiday as well as his own? I'd also point out that unless he can accept that his impact is having such a negative impact on everyone, then no more holidays or stays at each others houses is likely.