Hi, I'm a DIL that needs help with my MIL. To start, I love her and have known her for many many years. She has six grandkids and mine is the youngest. He is 16 months old and since he was about 3/4 months old, he has never liked being held or touched by anyone but me and his father. I know this bothers her because she wants to love and snuggle with him but he has full on meltdowns if someone gets too close or touches him.
He will, however, go up to people and give hugs and cuddle. But he has to be the one who goes to them, not the other way around. After many many visits, I think she finally understood. The last two visits, she gave him space and time and played with him and his toys. He ended up going to her and giving hugs and kisses. I was so so happy to see their relationship progress!
But then this last weekend we saw her at a birthday party. He was already overwhelmed due to noise, and it seemed like all the progress just went out the window. She would loudly clap in his face, push her face against his (and mine since I was holding him and she would come up behind us) and demand kisses. I had to take him into a bedroom to calm him down several times.
The final straw was when she grabbed my shoulders and physically moved me back and forth to "hide" behind me and play peek a boo with him as I was holding him and talking to a family member that I hadn't seen in years. (Thus, interrupting my conversation. I did try putting him down but he would scream and hold onto me.)
We ended up leaving after an hour because my son was so upset, we were unable to calm him down. He normally does so well at other parties and will play with other kids. He's just a very independent baby who likes his space.
My question is, why would she go backwards when we all know what works for him? How can I get her to understand that he's not like her other grandchildren and that by being in his space, she is stressing him (and myself) out? If she just gave him space and time, he would come to her. I truly adore her and I want them to have a wonderful relationship but she's gotta follow his lead.
Pnwmama1515 Mon 30-Sep-19 00:42:32
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