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deodorant for children?

(39 Posts)
SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 19:08:07

My eldest Granddaughter is 8 years old, and a lovely, kind, sensitive girl. Her mother (she and my son live apart, the children live with her) is quite hard, tactless and can be very spiteful.

Example - after the girls (the other is just 5) had spent the weekend with firstly their maternal granny then my son and had been out to various places, the first words from the mother to the 8-year-old weren't "Have you had a nice time?" or "Where did you go?", but "You stink, it's time you started using deodorant".

As you might tell, I don't like the mother, but DO children of 8 use deodorant, or should they?

I will treat my Granddaughter to some lovely toiletries if they are necessary. What do others think?

Hithere Mon 14-Oct-19 19:14:09

How often does your gd shower?

The deodorant is the least of your worries.
The mother's comment is a huge red flag that will impact her child's self esteem, if it hasn't happened already

humptydumpty Mon 14-Oct-19 19:20:32

I think deodorant is really needed only when puberty sets in - and particularly when underarm hair starts to grow.

Having said that, I agree completely with Hithere.

paddyann Mon 14-Oct-19 19:20:36

My daughter started her periods at 10 so at eight she was quite hormonal and definately needed a deodorant.A lot of girls mature much younger now and it might be best to buy some toiletries suitable for her age .Dont make a big deal of it though as it might make her self conscious,just hand them over and tell her if she has any questions about them to ask.She'll be able to read the instructions though so shouldn't be an issue

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 19:21:07

Because my Grandchildren live with their mother, I don't know, but she certainly always has a bath when they stay with my son. They were with their other Granny on Saturday evening/Sunday morning, so I don't know whether she had a shower. She didn't smell to us.

The bitch mother has already been saying our girl is fat (she's tall and big, but definitely not flabby or fat) and she cuts down her food (packed lunches for school). Our girl told us last week that she'd ran around the garden several times in the morning and had done a YouTube exercise work-out, to burn off calories. I cried at that later.

Hithere Mon 14-Oct-19 19:24:44

I am so sorry, salsaqueen.
Mothers like this destroy a kid's spirit.
How is your son as a father? Having one sane parent helps a lot

trisher Mon 14-Oct-19 19:26:52

Children do use deodorant. One of the problems when taking yr 4 (8-9 year olds) swimming was the huge amounts of deodorant sprayed about particularly in the boy's changing rooms. Girls tended to be more careful but did carry it. Not all of them used it but there were certainly quite a few.
I'd have a word with your son and make sure she showers and uses some on the day she's due to go back to mum. (who sounds a nightmare) Hope you are able to help your DGD cope with her.

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 19:29:38

My son is a great Dad. He doesn't live with them, as I said, but he has his girls every other weekend, and after school every Wednesday. When the schools are closed, he has them for half of all holidays (he's got them all next week when they're off for a fortnight). When SHE wants to go out/is ill/works late, my son will go there and look after his girls plus their sister, who isn't his daughter.

BlueBelle Mon 14-Oct-19 19:30:39

I didn’t find any of mine had a problem till after puberty
8 is young in my mind but maybe the mum was saying it to wind you up

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 19:32:23

Trisher thanks for that, I will do that.

Hithere Our GD already feels bad about herself, but we'll help as much as we can, to help her to know that she's beautiful, funny, clever and lovely.

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 19:33:43

Blubelle No, the mother is a hateful cow, I can assure you. She didn't say it to me (I was in the car outside)or I would have told her off

Hetty58 Mon 14-Oct-19 19:39:12

I bet the mother's spiteful comment is really criticism aimed at your son. Perhaps she hadn't bathed, changed clothes or had her hair done etc. 'well enough' and appeared 'scruffy' to her mum.

I do wish mothers wouldn't call their kids fat. When my youngest was six, she wanted to diet. We thought it odd (being a skinny family) so I went to ask her teacher why she thought she was fat.

I was told that it comes from the other girls and they get it from their mums (this obsession with diet and exercise).

We laid her on some lining paper, drew around her, cut out the shape and hung it on the wall. We got her sister and best friend to stand either side of it. After careful inspection - she decided that she wasn't fat!

Hithere Mon 14-Oct-19 20:06:21

Can your son go for more custody?

paddyann Mon 14-Oct-19 20:13:59

I would suggest you dont take everything your GD says as gospel .Our now 10 year old used to tell us her mum didn't feed her .."I've had no breakfast granny ,mum said she couldn't be bothered making it!" Then I heard through my son she was saying the same thing about me knew the size of her breakfasts so he wasn't concerned ,her mum,also split from dad,didn't.She believed every word.They're trying to make you think you're the nice part of the family..not those other nasty folk.I take everything with a very large pinch of salt these days .If she's heard you say something not nice about her mum she'll be backing you up because she thinks its what you want to hear.

notanan2 Mon 14-Oct-19 20:27:16

Yes 8 year olds do use deodorant. Puberty on average starts much younger these days especially for girls. A lot of 8/9 year olds have periods now it's not as rare as it used to be.

At around 8 my girls stopped having bedtime baths and instead started showering before school (and applying deodorant daily)

paddyann Mon 14-Oct-19 20:28:33

Your son only has his children 4 full days and 4 days after school in a MONTH???No wonder their mother is peed off at him.She's got them the rest of the time and they ARE his responsibility too

HettyMaud Mon 14-Oct-19 20:48:19

If you shower daily you shouldn't need any artificial scents.

Sara65 Mon 14-Oct-19 21:02:28


That sounds so sad, it would upset me if it was one of my grandchildren, I’ve got two nine year olds, and I can honestly say, I’ve never noticed any smells at all, and eight does seem young to be using a deodorant, but then children develop at different rates.

But, I do agree with Paddyann, they can be artful, my grandchildren turn up saying they haven’t had breakfast, not true, they know I’m a soft touch, but I’m not a complete pushover !

BBbevan Mon 14-Oct-19 21:18:33

Both my GDs , who are avid showerers, needed a deodorant by the time they were 10. Children grow up quickly these days

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 22:19:05

Paddyann Thanks for your words of wisdom. My son is only ALLOWED to have the children for those times because that's what the mother dictates. He pays £350 a month for them, and he pays for school uniforms, etc. One of the GD went to a birthday party yesterday, and he bought her outfit, the birthday present and card.

My GD has never, ever heard me or any member of my family say anything bad about her mother. I'm not an idiot. and would never do that.

The mother said the thing about the girl needing deodorant to the child, in front of my son - and she was clean, had on clean clothes.

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 22:23:19

Hithere my son hasn't ever had any formal thing about when he sees his children. He didn't want to go to court and have any unpleasantness. The mother has got an 11 year old, by a different man. He took her to court, and she made things nasty - he has to collect his daughter from the doorstep (he's not allowed in the house)

Hithere Mon 14-Oct-19 22:26:09


Your son needs to stand up for his dd and get a proper custody agreement.

What if the mother decides to deny all visits?

Hetty58 Mon 14-Oct-19 22:29:37

In that case it was definitely aimed at your son. It's just one of those 'I'm the mother, the important one who knows best and dictates the rules' kind of remarks. They often go along with 'I'm needed, irreplaceable and vital for the kids - whereas you are not'. It's just power games, that's all.

SalsaQueen Mon 14-Oct-19 22:29:58

Hithere I told him that ages ago, but he won't. At the moment, things aren't too bad, although I feel he has to dance to her tune. If she ever stopped him from seeing his children, he'd have no choice but to take her to court.

Hithere Mon 14-Oct-19 22:30:22

"he has to collect his daughter from the doorstep (he's not allowed in the house)"

Although it is unpleasant, it is not uncommon in a divorce. I wouldn't call it nasty.