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Obsessive thoughts

(11 Posts)
Aggy21 Sun 20-Oct-19 17:13:10

Hi friends, hope you can help. I’ve always been prone to worrying, brooding, ruminating, over thinking... Since I retired a couple of years ago this has got worse. Whether it’s my dil being cold and unfriendly, DS being distant, my DH’s siblings not helping out with my elderly Fil, my friend being erratic in communications with me, I can’t stop dwelling on whichever problem is bugging me most at the time. I don’t want to go to a therapist or gp. I’ve tried mindfulness but must admit I didn’t stick at it. Keeping busy definitely helps. Has anyone either partially or completely solved this problem in their own lives? I should add I come from a long line of worriers!

Bridgeit Sun 20-Oct-19 18:48:57

It cannot be solved as such, but you can learn, implement coping strategies. ie, giving an amount of time to worry/ think about a subject that is worrying you.
Allow that time to pass & ask yourself , Shall I think about it some more or can I re- prioritise
Writing a thought down as a problem, work out an answer even if the answer is that you cannot solve it .
There are lots of strategies that can be tailored specifically to you & the way you think.
Even setting an egg timer can help.
Also imagine yourself helping & suggesting what they could do, then apply that to yourself, best wishes , basically you need to control the worry, not allow it to control you,it can be done , but it is an work in progress 🙂

agnurse Sun 20-Oct-19 18:51:47

You may find that taking up a hobby that involves your hands may be helpful. Knitting, for example, has been shown to have therapeutic benefits. If knitting isn't really your thing, there is also crochet, woodworking, painting, embroidery, diamond painting (similar to a mosaic; you create a picture using small plastic tiles that you put in place with a stylus), writing - really anything that you personally find relaxing. When I was a nursing student, I had an instructor who told us that she had saws in her garage that her husband didn't touch, and she did woodworking as a way to de-stress.

I realize this may not be what you want to hear, but you may find that a therapist is helpful in dealing with the anxiety. If you're sure you don't want to go down that route, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) may still be something to consider as you can learn to do this yourself. There are a number of wonderful books on it. CBT is about identifying negative thought patterns and using logic and reasoning to "put the lie" to your negative thoughts.

pinkquartz Sun 20-Oct-19 19:06:25

Mindfulness does help me but it is not enough by itself.

I am trying to keep a journal and writing out the stuck thoughts.

OP have you tried talking it out with someone you can trust?

I am getting more and more obsessive thoughts and I think I spend too much time alone,
but tn my case there is not a lot I can change which is why I am trying writing things down again.....
Journaling is what I used to do when stuck in a bad place and it has helped me in the past.

I also agree about CBT It is very useful if all else fails.

midgey Sun 20-Oct-19 19:42:51

I do this at night, especially when I cannot sleep. My cure is to listen to the radio, speech is better than music, concentrate on what you hear. It does work.

Washerwoman Mon 21-Oct-19 08:41:21

I sympathise Aggy ring a life long over thinker and prone to periods of worry.Ironically with me I'm very stoic and philosophical when it comes to bigger issues,but can 'sweat the small stuff ' It sounds with your son and DIL being distant won't be helping your peace of mind.And like a lot of people night time is the worst for worry isn't it?I also find listening to the spoken word helpful.Nothing too gripping like a drama where I want to know what happens, but have found factual podcasts on the BBC great. Science,history and nature ones ,or currently putting on the Great Lives series. I tried classical music but a nice soothing voice seems to send me back off.

KinseyM7 Mon 21-Oct-19 10:13:10

I'm also from a longline of worriers! I've never got the hang of mindfulness, I do think that keeping busy and as much interaction as I can manage with other people ( I'm an introvert!) helps, and one of the big things that works for me is being outside particularly in nature.

Lazigirl Mon 21-Oct-19 10:25:47

I am also from a family of Olympic class worriers. I have found meditation does work for me by reminding me to be "in the moment" and trying not to think about the past which I can't change, or future where worries may not come to fruition.

Meditation only worked because I was part of a group, which meant group support. Try and find a group?

midgey I agree. At night sleeplessness and worrying can be helped by distraction by radio, speech progs, I listen to World Service.

Aggy21 Mon 21-Oct-19 19:21:41

Thanks so much everyone who took the time to reply. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about worries: sisters got health worries, DD got baby, DH fed up listening to my worries, just wants to relax and enjoy his retirement, friend told me I was becoming’obsessed’ with my dil situation. (True but then friend has no children of her own) other friends have enough real concerns of their own. I had considered joining a local meditation group so I’ll look into that, I’d thought about taking up sewing, I bought a cbt book years ago and didn’t use it so I could get that out, journaling I could think about, podcasts- I’d never thought about that.
All in all , lots of sensible ideas, just what I wanted! Thanks again

Almondblossom Tue 22-Oct-19 15:50:26

Starting on a positive note, dwelling on problems for a while can be helpful in arriving at solutions. But there is a point when dwelling on the problems is not fruitful and becomes ruminative, and maladaptive thinking. This is when I just think and think about the problem over and over again. When I get to that point I have to stop myself as this is not a good use of my time and could spiral down into paralysis and depression. I know I need to spend time on trying to understand what might have caused the problem, consider my part in it, and what I can or must do to resolve it. Sometimes I have to be courageous and confront it head on or the person/s involved head on. Before I do take any action, I usually talk to a friend about the problem and my thoughts on its resolution. I find it helpful to have another perspective on it, so much so that sometimes what I thought was a problem was not an actual problem but just negative and often projective catastrophic thinking. If it affects my sleep, I find it helpful to get out of bed and write the problem down in full. This has helped to really understand the problem and the extent of it. Just doing this helps me feel better and I can get to sleep. Having done this I can usually see a way forward in the morning.

Hetty58 Wed 23-Oct-19 22:24:55

So you worry (obsessively?) about solving the 'problem' of worrying? Maybe you shouldn't? Try just noticing and accepting the thoughts without giving them too much importance.

Perhaps resist taking a problem solving approach. It's part of our culture to think that way. Eastern cultures often experience life as a journey and adventure. They may solve problems along the way - but only when easily done - the rest is just life. Accept things the way they are and enjoy yourself!