Nanny's comment

I forgot to mention to please do not correct the nanny if you see something you do not like.

Your dd is her employer, not you.
The nanny will not follow your instructions or feedback, she will follow your daughter's

Please do not say anything.
Your dd is happy with the nanny.
Your dg loves her
Your dg is thriving under her care
You like the nanny too.
So what's the problem?

You live on the other side of the world and you just witnessed a very limited interaction between them, not the whole picture and daily activities.

In the US, some parents refer to their young kids as "monkeys" - because the kids jump and climb everything.
The child knows he/she is not a monkey!

This is just an expression- same as silly girl.

I think you are overreacting.
Trust your dd knows what is best for her child.

Is there a cultural dimension here? You say your GC lives on the other side of the world - is the nanny from another culture? Asian?

My Indian relatives and friends often seem to use the word silly/sillybilly but it is a much milder term that your interpretation - more like oops/oopsie that won't work.

There are many different cultural contexts that come into play when you live in different countries. Language is used in different ways. For example my Irish relative tells her children off for "being bold" i.e. naughty - whereas growing up in England "bold" was associated with being brave or courageous.

Isn't it all in the tone? As with Bluebelle...a "you silly billy" was never upsetting to any kids. A stern "You STUPID girl" is a different matter. We don't know how the words were delivered. Can't see how everyone would love this nanny if she was being nasty in any way.

My old dad used to call my children dipsticks, dummys, but all with the right intonation and a little poke in tummies followed by laughter..... Was that considered cruel? Not by my kids anyway....they howled with laughter.

Difficult to believe that nanny is perfect except for this one inappropriate word. Little GD will soon learn that if someone doesn’t know how to do something they are silly. So sad.

I don’t really like this either. It’s not like silly Billy in a jokey way, as annepl says, it’s just calling her silly. I also don’t like the fact it’s a nanny saying it. It’s not professional. Of course, even though you heard her use it a couple of times, it may be you were just unlucky, and it’s not used regularly at all. That aside, do speak to your daughter as it’s worrying you. I would want to know, and you’re only putting the best interest of a child forward. Good luck.?

She is not silly, just learning, that is true but how do you broach the subject without causing offence?

I was always taught that saying, for example, you are a silly girl, is putting a label on that person which eventually could diminish their self esteem. Better to say " oh what a silly thing to do"

I don't like this. She's not saying silly billy in a jokey way. She's saying you're a silly girl. It's the same as telling someone they're stupid. I think we have learnt that saying things like this can affect a child's self esteem. And she's only two for goodness sake. Better to encourage and praise. I would mention it to daughter.

I see I said the same as BradfordLass - she is learning.

Being told she is silly may put her off attempting more difficult tasks because she may think that she will fail.

I think it is very negative and nanny should be encouraging the child to put the puzzle piece in the correct place and praising her when she does so.

It's fair enough to say 'no, it doesn't fit there, it's the wrong shape, try another piece' but not calling a 2 year old silly.
She's not silly, she is learning.

I can't believe people are defending this phrase, just because they use it and have done for years!

We wonder why children are becoming more unruly and disrepectful but we don't hesitate to call small children 'rugrats' (RATS, really?); 'little monsters' - and teenagers get even worse comments.

We say, in their hearing 'I'll be glad when the school holidays are over.'
Oh, great. How to make children feel unwanted and in the way, in one easy lesson.

We don't always realise just how negative the English language, and our attitudes, are. I do because I'm no longer subject to it every day.

When I first joined GN I was stunned at the dozens and dozens of complaints; at the often vitriolic responses to quite innocent posts.

We all know there's hardly a thread without someone making nasty comments. Why is that?

So all the people who are defending this negativity, in whatever cheerful voice it is said, are running the risk of inculcating ideas in the child's mind which may later impact on their development as people.

Ask yourself this: 'Am I treating this person (however young they are) with respect?'

Could I phrase my comments in a way that gets better results than simply putting them down and ridiculing them?

Is there any good reason why a bright and happy little girl should be called 'silly' simply because she made an innocent mistake?
She's NOT silly, she's learning and if you teach her she is silly for not getting something right, she'll stop trying.

It doesn’t sound like it’s an occasional, throwaway comment along the lines of ‘silly billy’ - she’s telling your DGD she’s a silly girl, which is very different to saying ‘you did a silly thing there’. I don’t like it either - why say anything about her being a silly girl at all? She’s only 2, she’s just learning. I’m sure she won’t grow up traumatised but there are plenty of other more positive words the nanny could use - or she could just keep schtum.

I wouldn't like it.
Not necessarily because I think its the most terrible thing, but I think there are nicer sayings.

It's really nothing to worry about. She sounds like she is doing an excellent job.

I was a trained nanny and we were told (in those dim, dark days) that little children absorbs everything and negative phrases such as 'silly girl' were totally unacceptable.

As a mother, I feel the same way.

In fact I made a BIG mistake with my son when Dad's Army was on TV. Mainwairing used to say 'stupid boy!' to Sgt Pike and I used the same expression (with the same bombastic voice, so it was partially a joke) but it wasn't to my son.

One day he said, quite calmly, 'Actually Mum, I'm not stupid.'

It pierced me to the heart because I hadn't realised the impact of that throw-away phrase.

My boy was, by anyone's estimation, a very intelligent person - who sometimes did daft things, as we all do.

So never, ever underestimate what you are doing to a child's fragile psyche with expresson such as this.

If this Nanny is as nice as you say, she's not going to up and leave because the people who are paying her , ask her not to tell their little daughter she is silly, when she is NOT.

I veer towards giving Nanny the benefit of the doubt. It is probably a figure of speech which she is in the habit of saying. Perhaps DGD will learn to call her "Silly Nanny" to distinguish her from any others who come along.
If she is kind and loving, patient and sensible in other ways, what harm is there?

Why Esther ? You don’t know how it’s said or anything about the situation and neither does the poster if as she says she lives the other side of the planet
I remember being called a silly sausage when I was a kid I don’t think it traumatised me Silly billy was often said, I call myself a daft bat when I mess up now
I m sure if it was a regular message the mum who sounds clear minded wouldn’t be so positive about the nanny

She is a professional and really shouldn’t say that. I wouldn’t like it at all if my granddaughter was spoken to like that and I would definitely say something to my daughter.

I usually say you're a " silly billy " to the children. It's the tone in which it's said.
I also say " silly me " to/about myself as well.

Totally with Crystaltipps on this.

I often use the phrase 'silly me'. I have done for years. When I do something really stupid (don't we all) I call myself an idiot.

I have been doing this for decades and have singularly failed to convince myself that I am either, except in reference to the specific action that led to the exclamation.

I think you could ask your DD if she's noticed the nanny saying this and leave it to her how she proceeds from there.

Your understanding of the term “silly”is not the same as the nanny. She just means “ops no you’ve made a mistake”. Nothing wrong with that.

Oh goodness if she’s a great nanny and the child loves her and is thriving I would not let it worry you too much Also depends how it’s said ‘Oh you are silly’ in a harsh voice or laughing ‘oh silly billy’ or similar
The mother is obviously delighted with her and trusts her and sees a lot more of their interactions than you do so forget it She will be the one to make any changes to their interaction if any is needed
Don’t rick the boat for a family ‘on the other side of the planet’

I agree that a properly trained nanny would not say that.

However, my DC seem to have survived being told worse by teachers over the years and all my DC have good qualifications and excellent jobs!

Why do adults do this to children?