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Nanny's comment

(35 Posts)
Newatthis Sat 26-Oct-19 17:08:19

My daughter, who lives the other side of the planet, has a lovely nanny (I mean the paid type) for our dgd. Nanny loves her and she loves her nanny and my daughter is very happy that dgd is being looked after so well and she is. We have met nanny many times and she is lovely. However, if dgd does something wrong (although wrong is not the word - she is not yet 2) such as not put the correct jigsaw piece in the the jigsaw etc the nanny will say 'That doesn't go there, you're a silly girl" not in a nasty way. When I was visiting she did this a couple of times and I said ' she's not silly' but I fear it has gone on deaf ears. I am just a bit concerned that if she is always being told she is silly then she might come to believe it. I would like to mention it to my daughter but don't know how to broach it.

Chestnut Sat 26-Oct-19 17:25:30

You might be slightly overreacting to what is a very small and insignificant comment. You are not there all the time and don't know whether she regularly makes other such comments. Or maybe you do?

If it worries you then approach your daughter in a friendly and honest way and say what you said in your post. If you say it nicely you will not upset her.

Remember that children have grown up with much worse! I don't think anyone worried about such things in the past. I agree we need to speak in a positive way to children but unless she is being told she's stupid or hopeless I don't think she'll suffer psychological damage.

Luckygirl Sat 26-Oct-19 17:34:23

I can understand you not liking this - much better to make a positive suggestion as to how she might find the right place for the piece.

But it sounds as though everything else is hunky-dory, so best not to say anything I think. Hopefully your DGD will turn round and say "I'm not silly!" when she gets a bit bigger!

Gonegirl Sat 26-Oct-19 17:48:31

It is a very bad thing to.

Don't think much of that nanny.

Speak to the parents about it.

Gonegirl Sat 26-Oct-19 17:48:44

to do

sodapop Sat 26-Oct-19 17:59:42

Yes Luckygirl is right, its maybe not the best thing to say but as everything else is going well I wouldn't worry too much.

grapefruitpip Sat 26-Oct-19 18:02:24

take the lovely Nanny to one side and say something. It probably is a sort of verbal tick.....possibly an echo of her own childhood? No biggie.

Gonegirl Sat 26-Oct-19 18:08:19

She ought to be trained better than that. She will be knocking her charge's self esteem.

wildswan16 Sat 26-Oct-19 19:00:55

Don't worry about it, it is just a figure of speech. If it was being said in a nasty way to 4 or 5 year old it might be different.

Oopsminty Sat 26-Oct-19 19:03:11

I'd be definitely mentioning it to parents. Ridiculous to call a 2 year old silly for not knowing where a jigsaw piece goes.

Callistemon Sat 26-Oct-19 19:07:43

I agree that a properly trained nanny would not say that.

However, my DC seem to have survived being told worse by teachers over the years and all my DC have good qualifications and excellent jobs!

Why do adults do this to children?

BlueBelle Sat 26-Oct-19 19:10:33

Oh goodness if she’s a great nanny and the child loves her and is thriving I would not let it worry you too much Also depends how it’s said ‘Oh you are silly’ in a harsh voice or laughing ‘oh silly billy’ or similar
The mother is obviously delighted with her and trusts her and sees a lot more of their interactions than you do so forget it She will be the one to make any changes to their interaction if any is needed
Don’t rick the boat for a family ‘on the other side of the planet’

crystaltipps Sat 26-Oct-19 19:22:51

Your understanding of the term “silly”is not the same as the nanny. She just means “ops no you’ve made a mistake”. Nothing wrong with that.

FarNorth Sat 26-Oct-19 19:31:24

I think you could ask your DD if she's noticed the nanny saying this and leave it to her how she proceeds from there.

M0nica Sat 26-Oct-19 19:35:10

Totally with Crystaltipps on this.

I often use the phrase 'silly me'. I have done for years. When I do something really stupid (don't we all) I call myself an idiot.

I have been doing this for decades and have singularly failed to convince myself that I am either, except in reference to the specific action that led to the exclamation.

EllanVannin Sat 26-Oct-19 19:48:48

I usually say you're a " silly billy " to the children. It's the tone in which it's said.
I also say " silly me " to/about myself as well.

Esther1 Sat 26-Oct-19 20:00:26

She is a professional and really shouldn’t say that. I wouldn’t like it at all if my granddaughter was spoken to like that and I would definitely say something to my daughter.

BlueBelle Sat 26-Oct-19 20:34:30

Why Esther ? You don’t know how it’s said or anything about the situation and neither does the poster if as she says she lives the other side of the planet
I remember being called a silly sausage when I was a kid I don’t think it traumatised me Silly billy was often said, I call myself a daft bat when I mess up now
I m sure if it was a regular message the mum who sounds clear minded wouldn’t be so positive about the nanny

Grammaretto Sat 26-Oct-19 21:00:45

I veer towards giving Nanny the benefit of the doubt. It is probably a figure of speech which she is in the habit of saying. Perhaps DGD will learn to call her "Silly Nanny" to distinguish her from any others who come along.
If she is kind and loving, patient and sensible in other ways, what harm is there?

BradfordLass72 Sat 26-Oct-19 21:13:29

I was a trained nanny and we were told (in those dim, dark days) that little children absorbs everything and negative phrases such as 'silly girl' were totally unacceptable.

As a mother, I feel the same way.

In fact I made a BIG mistake with my son when Dad's Army was on TV. Mainwairing used to say 'stupid boy!' to Sgt Pike and I used the same expression (with the same bombastic voice, so it was partially a joke) but it wasn't to my son.

One day he said, quite calmly, 'Actually Mum, I'm not stupid.'

It pierced me to the heart because I hadn't realised the impact of that throw-away phrase.

My boy was, by anyone's estimation, a very intelligent person - who sometimes did daft things, as we all do.

So never, ever underestimate what you are doing to a child's fragile psyche with expresson such as this.

If this Nanny is as nice as you say, she's not going to up and leave because the people who are paying her , ask her not to tell their little daughter she is silly, when she is NOT.

Daisymae Sat 26-Oct-19 21:17:18

It's really nothing to worry about. She sounds like she is doing an excellent job.

MissAdventure Sat 26-Oct-19 21:23:30

I wouldn't like it.
Not necessarily because I think its the most terrible thing, but I think there are nicer sayings.

SirChenjin Sat 26-Oct-19 21:28:17

It doesn’t sound like it’s an occasional, throwaway comment along the lines of ‘silly billy’ - she’s telling your DGD she’s a silly girl, which is very different to saying ‘you did a silly thing there’. I don’t like it either - why say anything about her being a silly girl at all? She’s only 2, she’s just learning. I’m sure she won’t grow up traumatised but there are plenty of other more positive words the nanny could use - or she could just keep schtum.

BradfordLass72 Sat 26-Oct-19 21:45:24

I can't believe people are defending this phrase, just because they use it and have done for years!

We wonder why children are becoming more unruly and disrepectful but we don't hesitate to call small children 'rugrats' (RATS, really?); 'little monsters' - and teenagers get even worse comments.

We say, in their hearing 'I'll be glad when the school holidays are over.'
Oh, great. How to make children feel unwanted and in the way, in one easy lesson.

We don't always realise just how negative the English language, and our attitudes, are. I do because I'm no longer subject to it every day.

When I first joined GN I was stunned at the dozens and dozens of complaints; at the often vitriolic responses to quite innocent posts.

We all know there's hardly a thread without someone making nasty comments. Why is that?

So all the people who are defending this negativity, in whatever cheerful voice it is said, are running the risk of inculcating ideas in the child's mind which may later impact on their development as people.

Ask yourself this: 'Am I treating this person (however young they are) with respect?'

Could I phrase my comments in a way that gets better results than simply putting them down and ridiculing them?

Is there any good reason why a bright and happy little girl should be called 'silly' simply because she made an innocent mistake?
She's NOT silly, she's learning and if you teach her she is silly for not getting something right, she'll stop trying.

Callistemon Sat 26-Oct-19 21:57:26

I think it is very negative and nanny should be encouraging the child to put the puzzle piece in the correct place and praising her when she does so.

It's fair enough to say 'no, it doesn't fit there, it's the wrong shape, try another piece' but not calling a 2 year old silly.
She's not silly, she is learning.