I'm so cross

For debut read device.

A lot of this went on in our house too. Me up and down all night, DH snoring incessantly.
He starts work at 4am.
We decided long ago, that separate rooms would be better all round.
He moved into the downstairs bedroom, and I sleep in our old room. It works very well for us.
We both have an Echo debut e by our beds if we need to speak to each other during the night.
I would forgive your husband for his mutterings. I think you need a good talk, and work out how to manage the nocturnal disturbances.

I would guess that he probably doesn't even remember the mutter!
It seems that neither of you sleep that well so may be an idea if you slept in separate bedrooms at least for a while - you wouldn't be the only ones that do that!
As a long term insomniac, I am often downstairs, reading , at 2am. I was advised to do this by my GP rather than tossing and turning for several hours more! So can appreciate the fact about having disturbed sleep.
If you don't want to sleep separately, check that your pillows etc are giving you both the support that you need - do you cough less if your head is raised slightly so you need a firmer pillow? Ditto for your husband's snoring - you can get pillows that are supposed to be anti snore as well!
Lack of sleep is enough to make anyone grouchy - there is nothing "passive aggressive" about it! However did we cope before all the psychologist's mumbo jumbo ?

Both of you are angry. Neither of you want a row. Just wander past him and mumble ffs. You never know you both might smile. You are both doing your best. Don’t bottle it up..let it out so he can accept you magnanimity and grace and forgiveness [

I'm so sorry for what has happened. If your husbands snoring is waking you then he needs to seek medical assistance. Snoring can be a sign that he has sleep apnoea, a condition that is dangerous. My husband has it and it took me a long time to get him to GP. He now has a better nights sleep and does not disturb me. Sleep apnoea is when patients, yes qualified nurse, stop breathing as the pipes collapse whilst sleeping, treatment a mask. You are not wrong being upset, but you are both sleep deprived thus a little grumpy. Get a good night's sleep and you will both feel better. I am a poor sleeper and have been for years, I just have an afternoons nap and must admit I feel better. Good luck to you both. Xxx

Lol, sorry, but if I was to post on here every time me and my husband muttered ffs about each other I'd be taking the whole site up

Hi CG65. I really do sympathise with you both. My DH was a snorer and it was so loud that even if I had moved into the spare room for the night I could still hear him! Eventually he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and given a machine and mask to help his breathing. What a difference it has made. He no longer snores. Problem is, the machine is too noisy for me (I can’t sleep if there’s any noise) so we have reluctantly decided to have separate bedrooms. At least we both get a good nights sleep now and I always pop in for a good night cuddle before I retire to my own little haven! ?

I do not think you are being oversensitive and, probably, 'FFS,' would not have been uttered if there was no one to hear it. My DH makes an almnighty fuss about things if he thinks there's an audience but doean't bother if he thinks he's on his own.

You need to wait until you are both rested and in a good mood and then point out that you have, on numerous occasions, been disturbed and awakened by your DH and, to spare disturbing him, have silently removed yourself to another room. He has grumped on the one occasion you have accidently woken him. This is assymetrical and unjust.

If he doesn't take your feelings into account I suggest that, whenever he awakens you again by snoring, you gently wake him up and politely point out that he is disturbing your sleep.

He will soon learn that he has no right to attack you when he is being far worse.

Said in half sleep.. tired and thoughtless. Nothing to write home about. Being tired can change our personality into grumps but it’s only passing. Move on.. ?

Husband,Very loud Snoring ,retired from work ...me having to get up at 5.30 am for work...I used to go into spare room , otherwise I would be worn out as I suffer insomnia.
Also he has restless leg syndrome .... altogether hopeless situation so eventually it was separate bedrooms . We’ve both never slept better, and it’s been ten years and wouldn’t go back. Definitely recommended.

well, I moved into our small back room , occasionally, cos dh disturbed me with his snoring, I must have disturbed him with my bathroom visiting...

we both slept the better for it...

and it was good for us... I understand lots of "couples" sleep in separate bedrooms, I was brought up that we slept in the same bed! WRONG! what is good for both of you, a better sleep.

I sympathise with both of you. My husband used to snore all the time so I had to resort to earplugs which worked a treat (the wax ones from Boots). It helped a lot except when he ramped up the volume! Then I threw away his feather pillows and bought some from JL which had the same feel but were a synthetic filling. Presto! The snoring stopped which indicated an allergic reaction. Trouble is I still wear the earplugs as I’m so used to them. If either of us gets a cold (coughing etc) he takes himself to the spare room for the duration. Sleep is very important!! I suspect if you mention the ffs he’ll probably deny it and it could escalate. Let it go this time.

I think you should forgive the one little ffs, but if any more come then it's time to suggest he moves into the spare room.

I think other GNers are right we are all grumpy when tired so I would let it go but it seems to be such a common problem in so many women of a certain age.I had a night last weekend I did not go to sleep at all I was at the DRs the day after and mentioned it to her she was completely disinterested and said as we get older (65)we don't need as much sleep!

Forgive him Coolgran. As others have said, he was probably only half awake & didn’t mean anything by it.
I’ve been known to utter similar sentiments in the middle of the night but would never dream of using such expressions in fully-awake mode ?

I also believe BlueBelle is right.
It's a half-asleep minor irritation that was accidentally spoken instead of thought.
Let it go.
I hope you both sleep better tonight.

It's pointless being angry about half-asleep mutterings! My daughter shouts out at night (always has done) often swearing like a trooper - but we're used to it by now!

I image A lot of FFSakes are uttered during the long nights of sleep deprivation, it’s a release mechanism .
It’s natural to feel a little hurt at his FFSakes , but understandable that it is uttered , try not to take it to heart.

We have similar problems. Separate rooms here too.

We have had separate rooms for a while. It doesn’t mean anything except that we both get a better nights sleep.

I agree with BlueBelle no point in dwelling on something said whilst half asleep. Separate rooms are definitely the way to go, we have done this for a long time now as we have different sleep patterns and illness.

Separate rooms are the answer.It's great to have your own space and privacy.

I'd have told him it was his snoring that woke you in the first place-----just to get back at him.

If you are disturbing reach other and both feeling crochety NYANBU. Being woken up is obviously bothering him so why doesn’t he go in the spare room ? I ‘m really not sure why people are so worried about sleeping separately.

I think he understands you can’t help coughing but it was passive aggressive of him - that said I’d probably feel like that too after a few nights! He’s tired. So are you.

You know it disturbs him so take turns sleeping in the spare room. You because you cough, him because he snores. Fair's fair!