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Son in law discipline

(27 Posts)
Lee70 Thu 05-Dec-19 21:30:06

When my son in law loses his temper with my granddaughters ages 7 and 9 he pulls them very hard by the arm, really.hurting them. Shall I tell my daughter that this is happening?

Gonegirl Thu 05-Dec-19 21:33:56

Yes. And tell him not to do it.

QuaintIrene Thu 05-Dec-19 22:22:38


Tangerine Thu 05-Dec-19 22:23:39

Yes. Maybe she already knows.

EllanVannin Thu 05-Dec-19 22:29:47

Bully !

Sussexborn Thu 05-Dec-19 22:32:13

Even if your daughter is aware she may realise that some action needs to be taken now that you are also aware.

TrendyNannie6 Thu 05-Dec-19 22:34:27

This is dreadful, No way should should he be doing this,

Chewbacca Thu 05-Dec-19 22:36:32

What makes you think that your daughter doesn't know?

Hetty58 Thu 05-Dec-19 22:52:57

It's quite easy to dislocate their shoulder/arm by doing that, even picking them up by one arm is discouraged. I'd just have to say something! Losing his temper with young children is not on.

Hetty58 Thu 05-Dec-19 22:56:28

And, it's not discipline, it's bullying!

Callistemon Thu 05-Dec-19 22:58:52

You said it before I could, Hetty!

Newquay Fri 06-Dec-19 07:21:17

Oh dear-poor girls! Speak up for them! Can you speak to SIL on his own when he’s calm? Anything in particular precipitates his actions? Children can be brilliant at winding up parents.

Ginny42 Fri 06-Dec-19 07:33:01

He sounds unstable and should be handled with care. Which is the opposite of how he's behaving. I think this is a deeper problem, that he even thinks that's an acceptable thing to do to the children.

Beware of making a very bad situation even worse. If you're aware of it your DD must surely have seen it too, probably more times than you know of.

love0c Fri 06-Dec-19 07:34:31

I'm guessing your daughter knows already. Depending on your relationship with your DD I would take care on how you tell her. I certainly wouldn't talk to your SIL. If he has a bad temper it may end up with you being out in the cold. It may well be enough for you to talk to your DD about it. I really think she knows so you letting her know about it too may be all that it now needs.

Assuming this is his 'only' show of harm then be thankful. One of our DIL's does horrible things to one of her children to make him upset in an attempt to spoil the day. Only when spending it with us! Yes, we have told our son, went very badly indeed. He didn't believe/can't see it/can't cope? We just hope/feel he is now aware of this even if he won't admit it to us.

inkcog Fri 06-Dec-19 08:57:17

Why is he pulling them? Is he trying to remove them from the room?

sodapop Fri 06-Dec-19 09:11:05

I would guess that your daughter is already aware of this Lee70 but you should talk to her about your concerns before things escalate. It will require a degree of tact and not being judgemental toward your son in law. The need to protect your grandchildren is paramount.

M0nica Fri 06-Dec-19 09:55:38

How often is it happening. If it is frequent then there is child protection issue here. Just telling him that, might make him step back and realise what he is doing.

peggyfarts Fri 06-Dec-19 10:37:55

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glammanana Fri 06-Dec-19 11:40:15

Such a bully,I would worry how he treats them when you are not around to be honest.

Bibbity Fri 06-Dec-19 11:51:28

That’s not discipline it’s assault.
You need to balance up telling your daughter. And the fact that if he’s bold enough to do it in front of you then he’s at least doing that if not more at home in front of her. And the fact that by telling her you lose anonymity.

You can report this anonymously to the NSPCC or SS

mumofmadboys Fri 06-Dec-19 12:18:54

To start by reporting to SS or NSPCC is way over the top.
OP could well end up on the Estrangement threads if she did that.

annodomini Fri 06-Dec-19 12:21:55

I hesitate to say this. How can you be sure that his behaviour to your DD is not equally bullying?

sodapop Fri 06-Dec-19 12:23:07

I agree momb explore other avenues and actually talk to your family.

craftyone Fri 06-Dec-19 12:24:36

I saw a nephew do this to his 3 year old son. They were staying at our house for a few days. Wind on 20 years and the son was involved with cannabis, stronger and stronger, then he comitted suicide. I always regret not saying anything

Bibbity Fri 06-Dec-19 12:32:09

The Op has seen abuse of a child. We all have a responsibility to protect children. Let’s not be naive and believe that the daughter isn’t aware of this abuse.
She is.