Son in law discipline

If you have a good relationship with your daughter, I think you should mention this incident and tell her that it worried you. Then see what she says.

If your SIL repeats this behaviour in your home, send the children to play somewhere and tell your SIL that you do not find this a good way of disciplining children.

He will probably call you names, but I hope your saying something leads to him asking you what you would do in the same situation. So have a good answer ready.

I am not suggesting that OP should report SiL to SSs, but in one specific case in my life, making a similar threat, made someone step back and consider their behaviour and address the cause of their problem. Mainly because the person knew me quite well, and couldn't be entirely sure I would not fulfill my threat if the behaviour continued

The Op has seen abuse of a child. We all have a responsibility to protect children. Let’s not be naive and believe that the daughter isn’t aware of this abuse.
She is.

I saw a nephew do this to his 3 year old son. They were staying at our house for a few days. Wind on 20 years and the son was involved with cannabis, stronger and stronger, then he comitted suicide. I always regret not saying anything

I agree momb explore other avenues and actually talk to your family.

I hesitate to say this. How can you be sure that his behaviour to your DD is not equally bullying?

To start by reporting to SS or NSPCC is way over the top.
OP could well end up on the Estrangement threads if she did that.

That’s not discipline it’s assault.
You need to balance up telling your daughter. And the fact that if he’s bold enough to do it in front of you then he’s at least doing that if not more at home in front of her. And the fact that by telling her you lose anonymity.

You can report this anonymously to the NSPCC or SS

Such a bully,I would worry how he treats them when you are not around to be honest.

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How often is it happening. If it is frequent then there is child protection issue here. Just telling him that, might make him step back and realise what he is doing.

I would guess that your daughter is already aware of this Lee70 but you should talk to her about your concerns before things escalate. It will require a degree of tact and not being judgemental toward your son in law. The need to protect your grandchildren is paramount.

Why is he pulling them? Is he trying to remove them from the room?

I'm guessing your daughter knows already. Depending on your relationship with your DD I would take care on how you tell her. I certainly wouldn't talk to your SIL. If he has a bad temper it may end up with you being out in the cold. It may well be enough for you to talk to your DD about it. I really think she knows so you letting her know about it too may be all that it now needs.

Assuming this is his 'only' show of harm then be thankful. One of our DIL's does horrible things to one of her children to make him upset in an attempt to spoil the day. Only when spending it with us! Yes, we have told our son, went very badly indeed. He didn't believe/can't see it/can't cope? We just hope/feel he is now aware of this even if he won't admit it to us.

He sounds unstable and should be handled with care. Which is the opposite of how he's behaving. I think this is a deeper problem, that he even thinks that's an acceptable thing to do to the children.

Beware of making a very bad situation even worse. If you're aware of it your DD must surely have seen it too, probably more times than you know of.

Oh dear-poor girls! Speak up for them! Can you speak to SIL on his own when he’s calm? Anything in particular precipitates his actions? Children can be brilliant at winding up parents.

You said it before I could, Hetty!

And, it's not discipline, it's bullying!

It's quite easy to dislocate their shoulder/arm by doing that, even picking them up by one arm is discouraged. I'd just have to say something! Losing his temper with young children is not on.

What makes you think that your daughter doesn't know?

This is dreadful, No way should should he be doing this,

Even if your daughter is aware she may realise that some action needs to be taken now that you are also aware.

Bully !

Yes. Maybe she already knows.

Yes.