Where do I start? Please bare wth me, it may be slightly long xx
My partner and I are living on the a family farm and we are only 500 metres down the road from his parents.
I never had an issue with my mil until my daughter was born this year (I am a second time but this is her first grand child). My mil and I have always gotten along well enough, but never really had much in common, so our relationship has never been very close.
We use to see each other maybe once a fortnight and for all special occasions.
Once my daughter arrived , it seemed like all common courtesy went out the window. She just drops in when she feels like it and walks straight into my house without even knocking. Sometimes I’m only half dressed, breast feeding or trying to catch up on sleep while the baby is having a nap. It’s almost every week but it gets much worse in school holidays when she has time off (she is a teacher), then it can be anything from every other day! Even once I said we aren’t up for a visit (the one time she asked and that is no exaggeration) she came over anyway.
On 3 occasions she has not given me my daughter back when I have asked (as she was getting really upset), one time I had to actually pull her out of mils arms, then she turned around to tell me my daughter was fine. Well she wasn’t she was upset and wanted to be fed.
My mil makes me feel like I need to justify everything I do with my daughter, this is a result of having my parenting questioned on various occasions ie why I was feeding my daughter again and questioning me if that’s what she really needed.
My biggest issue is that we had asked her before we had our daughter, that we didn’t want people to just drop in and we needed her to call and check first. Not once has she done this. My partner even said something to her and she still continues to do it.
I’ve since sent a message as I actually had failed verbally to get across to her and thought a clear message might work. She sent me a thumbs up, then showed up a week later to “drop” something off.... Surprise it was when I was tying to catch up on sleep.
What do I do?
I really feel like she knows that she is crossing every boundary Ive tried to put in place.
She makes me feel very pressured and like I owe her a visit all the time. Living so close to her has created this anxiety that she might drop in anytime. I feel like I have no privacy and that my request to have her not drop in unannounced has offended her or she believes I don’t deserve that respect.
Is this behaviour out of line or am I over reacting?
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