Should I cancel

And Langy11? NO, you're not being selfish either,DON'T let your son guilt-trip you,its not your fault it hasn't worked out for your son,relationship wise, and you are entitled to a life of your own,or even just some peace& quiet.its he who is being selfish,making all these plans and expecting you to go along with everything? Is it possible for you to discuss the alternate weekends plan with your GD's mother instead then? Explain you need the time for your study,you dont need to tell her your date plans,also time for your own child.(whom also may feel like their own home is being 'taken over' a bit?)

That was a very snidey remark Nemosmum,not nice at allOf course JeannieB44's hubby IS important to her,but she had made her plans ages ago when she thought all the op& recovery would be a behind them,its not her fault its been shifted, please dont anyone try to guilt-trip her,its an afternoon tea not a month away! I dont understand some folk i really dont, Most of us are behind you,JeannieB, so go& enjoy yourself! If theres booksigning involved you could get it written for hubby,might cheer him up a bit, And you could maybe bring him back a cake

Of course you should go, your husband wouldnt want you to cancel ,and your son will look after him during the few hours you are away.
Have a lovely afternoon and enjoy everything!

Don't cancel, go and enjoy yourself. You'll go home,be a happier person, ready to endure looking after your husband for the period of time needed. And who'd to say it won't get cancelled again.

Im sure BillyBob,that the op's hubby will be thought about during the afternoon,but theres no need to be overly concerned about him,its seemingly NOT life- threatening surgery,or hospital wouldnt have put it off 4months! Just go& ignore the conscience pickers please!

Have you spoken to your son about your plans? I am sure he will say to definitely go...........so don't feel guilty your husband will be in safe hands with your son.

Yes,have a good time,tell us all about it,also when you get back if your hubby wants to hear all about it,it may distract him a bit too,or at least give him something else other than medical/ hospital chat to listen to

As you have your son at home to look after your husband, it would seem churlish not to go. Having said that I personally couldn't go because I wouldn't enjoy myself, probably would be too concerned about him.

I think you should go and enjoy it as it only for a short time and your son is at home if your husband returns before you are back??

Ignore Nemosmum,yes,its coloured by her own circumstance, but as your own hubbys still here for you to have many other days with him,one will not matter,ive had foot surgery,yes its painful,but they DONT send them home without pain relief,and yes,its disabling,but only initially, they soon have them up getting around, plus,hes NOT coming home to no one there,your son,HIS son,will be there,& will be much better to help him do stairs,bathroom etc.please dont let Nemosmum be the voice of your conscience,tell everyone its too late to change yours,its not your fault hosp changed his,and just go- or if you dont you might regret it and argue over it in very (long- seeming) days following whilst he recuperates.It could be cancelled again before then,mine was twice!Oh, by the way Nemosmum,all our opinions are honest also!

Go!

NemosMum it might depend if he's an insecure type of person, then he might feel upset, but as a rule when people have been married a long time they are fairly secure in the knowledge the other person loves them even when they are not there. And he will know she would have cancelled if no one else could be there for him.

Is it your hubby whose objecting?Nonsence-its not your fault his surgery was moved,and they could even do it again before then,point that out to whomever is saying youre selfish- and just go& enjoy it,your sons capable of taking care of him, & in some cases,better than you,( if he needs help to go toilet for example) he's a bloke,plus strong enough to lift him if he fell over or anything) so possibly better than you for the job, and youre going for an afternoon,not a week,its do-able,and yes its usually late in day when hospital's send them home anyway so you could even be home before him! Enjoy.

Just a very personal opinion, but I think in your place, I might NOT go to afternoon tea with friend/author. I know it's not life-threatening, but foot surgery is very painful and disabling. Yes, your son will be at home, but I'm wondering just how OK your husband will feel that you prioritised the tea with friend/author over him. I realise I'm at variance with everyone else who has posted, but you do want an honest opinion, don't you. My view might be coloured by the loss of two husbands, of course. I think it makes you think differently about what's important. However, as others have said, the op might be rescheduled again. They often call people in at short notice when they've had cancellations.

Definitely go and enjoy yourself. Your husband has someone to look after him and there is also the possibility of the op being postponed again.

Since there is another family member willing and able to care for him, it's perfectly reasonable to keep your tea date. It's not like he's coming home to an empty house. Anyway the op might be changed again, you really just have to carry on with your plans in the meantime.

NO don't feel selfish at all. He will understand and what's one day when you have the rest of your lives together.

JenniB44 go as your husband should be happy for you, mine would. You will be there for him after and you will need to be rested. Your son can manage for a few hours. Go and enjoy yourself.

Gosh, so sorry, was reading your post and tried to start a thread, and typed on your post in error! Can't see how to remove it so apologies!!
And to answer your dilemma, go! It is just one day, your Son will be there so you should go without feeling guilty. It is alarming how easily we women feel such guilt over things, when the male of the species skip through life making us feel guilty. Please go and enjoy yourself, then you can go back to your husband happy for having that freedom and a lovely time, and concentrate on him. Best wishes x

I was happily living on my own with DD and my Son came back home to live with me following a split with his partner. Due to debts they accumulated, he cannot afford to live on his own, so he is living here. Not a problem, however my granddaughter has been staying every Friday and takes up my Saturday's too, and I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with it all. He doesn't drive either (the ex drove) and I am now the taxi also. I have asked if she can stay every other weekend as I am currently studying on top of my job and have a 12 year old of my own to entertain, and he has given me a massive guilt trip. I'm fed up of my life being taken over by other people after living alone so long. Plus, I'd rather like to start dating again after being single for over 4 years and just want a weekend to myself. Am I being selfish?

Go and enjoy

Since your husband is happy for you to go, I cannot see the problem. Imagine the situation in reverse. Have an enjoyable outing!

Have a lovely time .... it’s not open heart surgery he’s having - he and your son will be fine!

Absolutely not! Go and have a lovely time xx

You need to look after yourself or you’ll struggle looking after your OH during his convalescence. Relax and enjoy your afternoon. Make the most of it!