Feeling confused about my emotions

You don't say how old the couple are, which might be relevant. Are they young or immature? Obviously they will need support from both you and his parents for childminding etc. but this should not amount to interference or control. If his parents are trying to take control in any way there is a danger the couple will be torn apart by their interference.
This is all about strengthening the couple so they can work it out for themselves together and decide what the boundaries are. This is why his age and maturity are relevant. If his parents are pulling his strings then he needs to grow up and start putting his partner and child first.

Such a shame that a baby will be brought into the equation.
This sounds like a toxic relationship and I couldn't even begin to offer any advice on how to move forward.
I think you just need to be there when DD needs you.

Yes, he had the affair.
His family didn't like my daughter taking some control when she took him back, then she got pregnant.
I suppose they saw that she was a bit vulnerable and saw an opportunity to move control back to them and him. They have done it by trying to cause rifts between the 2 of them, me and him etc. Then just caused unnecessary drama whenever possible.

I’m confused. He had the affair and his family are now behaving horribly to her? Because she became pregnant?

Thanks all.
They arent married, they live together.
At I said I have not approached the IL despite wanting to very much! We did have a limited relationship before all this but I stopped all contact when this behaviour towards my Daughter began.
I'm baffled that any woman who has been preg herself and knows how you feel can do and say the awful things that she has.
It has affected my health, the constant worry for her, even in "quiet" periods I worry when it's gong to start up again.
I'm so lucky that our relationship is so good, she knows that she's always supported and can come home anytime.
She had some counselling and found it very helpful, he wouldnt agree to going together however.
They don't talk about what happened and neither do his family.
I do hope that when the baby comes, she finds her inner "lioness" as I think the behaviour will continue.
We all live relatively close to each other, so it's not as if she won't have to see them on a regular basis.
I find it so aggravating that despite the fault not being on our part that we are the ones treading on eggshells and constantly trying to be "the bigger person" in the situation.

Do not touch the IL situation with a 10-foot pole.

Your daughter and her husband need to figure this out for themselves. The reality is that as a parent, your instinct is always going to be to protect your child. That's okay. That's normal. That's what parents do. But it also means that parents aren't objective third parties when it comes to things that affect their children.

If she comes to you with concerns, I'd suggest recommending she and her husband go for marriage counselling. It may be helpful for them.

It sounds so doomed. You have to be present and aware and supportive of your daughter. It sounds as if she has low self esteem. As a mother, I'd build her up, speak loving, kind and strengthening words to her. Get her to understand when she's being bullied, and let her know that you have her back in case things go downhill. If I were in that situation, I'd need parents to fully support me in case of divorce.

What a difficult situation and you must feel very concerned for your daughter. However, I can only suggest that you do not get involved with their relationship with the other grandparents, otherwise it could create a family war. Your daughter and her partner need to work out how his parents and you fit into their lives. All you can do is be there for your daughter because she is your priority, and it sounds as though you are. Let her vent to you and encourage her to talk to her partner and his parents to strengthen their relationships, but don't get involved yourself. I'm sure she will also need your help and support with the baby. I hope your family relationships will settle in time as you all get used to being parents and grandparents.

Very hard for you to see your DD so badly hurt - and difficult to maintain amicable relationships. I too can only wish you good luck for the future.

Am I right in thinking this was your first try?
Feeling confused about my emotions | Gransnet
www.gransnet.com/.../1271140-Feeling-confused-about-my-emotions

Hi Narnia I see this is a second attempt to start a thread on this topic and it seems a hugely complex problem. Didn’t want to “read and run “ but other than biding your time and being patient, I don’t really have any helpful advice. I dare say others will have though.
Good luck