rude or not

I'm 63 and my mum buys me things as presents - this year I had to tell her that I didn't like what she'd bought for my birthday. The colour was nice but it was a turtle neck jumper from M&S, quite 'old lady'ish and the neck felt like someone was strangling me!!! I know she was offended but I did tell her tactfully. She then complained to me over Christmas that my brother and SiL kept buying her jumpers in a size too big. When I suggested she should say something she said she couldn't as they'd be offended!

Really! If something isn't right for you as long as it's done tactfully surely it's not wrong to say so? the giver would be far more offended if you just put it away and didn't wear it!

Why didn’t you just tell her that it didn’t fit and take it back to M and S and exchange it?

I let grandkids choose what they want or give them cash.

A present is a present, not an order, accept gratefully keep it or
Pass it on to someone else or donate to a charity.

No need for you to have been told.

Maybe next year put some money in a card, but if the amount given is queried , perhaps that will be the time for presents to stop.best wishes .

I just remembered my ex MIL use to give me a nightie every year for Christmas. They were always long, with long sleeves and a very high neck in a warm material. I looked like someone from the Victorian era in them but I could never ever tell her, she was such a lovely lady.

how wrong can pyjamas be for heaven sake.

Anyone who has teenage GDs knows that they very often have sleepovers in one anothers' homes. It stands to reason that pjs chosen by their GMs may not be acceptable to the girls. Bad choice, OP!

Well they don’t have sleepovers every night, I doubt they were so hideous they couldn’t possibly be worn at all.

In a similar position myself crazyfam.

I think it’s very rude to reject a gift that’s been chosen for you.

My money next year will be sent to a deserving cause where it will be used to help a less fortunate person.

Anyone who has teenage GDs knows that they very often have sleepovers in one anothers' homes

I have a daughter just out of her teens. Neither she nor her friends spend every night at sleepovers - they have preferred pjs for the odd sleepover where it matters and a range of others for sleeping in at home of at friends of many years where they don’t care what each other are wearing.

I’ve been in this situation and now ask for specific items and forward numbers and shops on and I just go with the flow but will get to the point where it’s gift cards as they get older.

I was sent to H&M to buy pjs for DD who was breastfeeding and not near shops.
I agonised and ended up buying 3 or 4 tops and sets, all cheap but nothing special. She was delighted and kept them all! I was so surprised.

Two of grandchildren don't even say merry christmas happy new year unless asked to do so by parents. I can't recall the others ever thanked me for presents unless asked to do so, certainly this year they did not do so. As I suspect they dislike what I give them I will give them no more presents which is a shame as I like giving presents. I can't make people different from what they do and I will not worry about it.

Why don't people just ask the young adults what they would like? Instead of passive aggressive sulking.

I would give a token and a small gift, smile and say " Enjoy yourself"

Inkycog

I know, right? Such common sense.

Young adults, toddlers, 20s, 30s, 40s, are still people with their own personalities, likes and dislikes.

Politeness is not seen as a virtue anymore.

Politeness is very much a value that is appreciated today

The problem is the definition of it - being polite in the Victorian era is very different to what is considered polite now.

I couldn't lie if I tried, I could say thank you and probably mean it but my face would do its absolute own thing and I can't fake smile to save my own life. My mother loved this about me because it made me look bad and ungrateful when she deliberately bought things that were the opposite of anything I would ever choose myself. I just can't do it. Until I estranged I had bags and bags full of things that she gave me that I didn't like and sadly actually lovely clothes that she bought that were too small for my frame, I'm tall and I would have to be dangerously underweight to get into them. I couldn't exchange as she cut out not only the price tags but the actual fabric labels. Finally letting go of it all lifted such a weight.

I tend to think that if someone has given you something, whatever it is, it is gracious to thank them, not quibble about whether its just right or not. re-gift it if it not suitable.
my brother and SIL bought me some football sockz. I don't play football or anything, any sport. but I do like long socks and they were very long, and in bright colours I like. but they were too small. I cannot stand anything too tight on my feet. however, it gave me an idea, to look for very long socks among football gear. but will wait for cheap, out of date strips ?. I thanked them for the gift and how nice and long they were. didn't mention wrong foot size. now looking for some youngster or smaller=footed person who could use them.
it is the thought that counts. its not a commercial transaction, like ordering the right product. its an offering of friendship, care, affection, like an open hand. take it cheerfully. and give cheer back.

Rude.

I'd be miffed to get a message like that

My children have an odd relation who gives the most bizarre gifts.

They are always politely thanked.

It’s got to be cash with perhaps something small in value to unwrap. I have four teenage grandchildren, they only want cash to either save it or buy something of their choice.
I would be very angry and upset with the rudeness received rejecting the gifts.

Oopsminty

My husband has a cousin who always bought the most bizarre gifts, we couldn’t wait to open them to see what she had thought up that year.

But the children always wrote Thankyou notes, and in a way, it was the highlight of our Christmas.