Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

rude or not

(173 Posts)
crazyfam Mon 30-Dec-19 17:36:26

Hi , i sent 2 sets of pygamas and hat scarf and gloves for my 15 year old grandughter,.. Daughter sent facebook message to say the items were not to grandaughters liking. I feel hurt. Is it me or is this the way of the world now ? Used to pretend one liked gifts .I would not think of buying outerwear for 15 year old but thought pygamas were just for bed so style not important.Feel like telling daughter i have had enough of her and her ways. Often been hurt by her.

Sara65 Mon 30-Dec-19 17:40:42

It does seem unnecessarily rude, after all, like you said, how wrong can a pair of pyjamas possibly be?

Next year just send a gift card, and the fussy little madam can choose her own pyjamas!

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 17:41:40

I wouldnt chose clothes (imcluding nightware) for a 15yr old TBH. Not without very specific instructions.

It could have been handled better but maybe its an ongoing theme and they dont want you to keep wasting your money.

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 17:43:00

how wrong can a pair of pyjamas possibly be?

Well its quite an intimate item to buy for anyone other than a young child or partner..

phoenix Mon 30-Dec-19 17:46:20

Yes, bloody rude imo!

lavenderzen Mon 30-Dec-19 17:46:40

How times change. I wouldn't have dreamt to saying that (and had I still been at home my mum would never have allowed it) and Facebook! Next time just send a gift card.

Sara65 Mon 30-Dec-19 17:46:49

Well I guess that’s true, but I’m sure crazyfam would have made an effort to buy something appropriate.

I have long given up buying clothes for my nineteen year old, and am beginning to realise I’m very out of step with the ten year olds, but I think I could probably choose pyjamas.

endlessstrife Mon 30-Dec-19 17:46:53

It’s not the present, right or wrong, it’s the way she told you. Personal communication has just gone hasn’t it? I personally don’t buy clothes unless asked to, and my oldest GC is only 7!

Jomarie Mon 30-Dec-19 17:47:28

I agree with Sara65 - don't put any effort in at all - just a voucher (any old voucher will do!!) after all leading supermarkets do clothing and toiletries etc. - this should make life easier for you and show them that you're "not bothered". I find AC can be very hurtful and disrespectful sometimes - say stuff that I would never have dreamt of saying out loud to my parents or pils - not saying I wouldn't think it though grin

NanaandGrampy Mon 30-Dec-19 17:48:22

I always add a gift receipt when I buy any clothing , then there’s no need to worry. They can change it if they like, I don’t mind that at all.

I think your daughter could have handled it better.

GrannyLaine Mon 30-Dec-19 17:48:57

Unless it was a private message, I think it was extremely rude of your daughter. Some people are tactful, others oblivious to peoples feelings. Definitely not the way of the world IMO
In respect of style not being important...... well it clearly is. If I buy clothing as a gift, I will always include the recipt so that it can be exchanged without fuss.

Cabbie21 Mon 30-Dec-19 17:49:21

I agree it sounds rude. However I would not buy clothes for my 15 year old granddaughter, unless her mum had checked with her. My daughter sent me a link to some pjs she liked, so I knew that was ok. Otherwise, give money. At 15 they like shopping for clothes themselves.

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 17:50:11

Next year just send a gift card, and the fussy little madam can choose her own pyjamas!

I dont think its particularly "fussy" for a teen to want to chose their own clothes! Its natural/normal. And its a bit unfair to call her a "madam" when it wasnt the teen who complained to the OP, it was her mother!

inkycog Mon 30-Dec-19 17:53:26

fussy little madam was supposed to do what exactly? Paint on a smile and bin them at the first opportunity?

It's a shame OP but probably best to play safe with a gift token and a small gift to go alongside it.

Yennifer Mon 30-Dec-19 17:54:21

Maybe she feels like you don't know your grandchild well enough to know what she likes? It was a common theme for my children growing up and it does hurt feelings to be given things you don't like and won't use. Maybe next time you could wrap a voucher for a favourite shop and include an offer to take her to spend it and treat you both to a nice lunch just the two of you? x

Chestnut Mon 30-Dec-19 17:54:23

Well there is something to be said for honesty. Would you really rather she pretend to like them when in fact she doesn't? Are you going to take them back? If so then maybe get your money back and buy her a voucher at her favourite store instead (ask her mother what this is). Teenagers are notoriously fussy about fashion and what they look like (even at a sleepover!). In future stick to giving her a voucher then she can choose her own styles and I'm sure will appreciate being able to choose herself.
PS: don't get grumpy with them or say you're cross about it. That won't help in any way. Just smile sweetly, say you understand and will get a voucher instead. Not worth falling out over.

phoenix Mon 30-Dec-19 17:58:35

Just to say, the OK said it was Facebook Messenger, which is a private messaging service, (almost like email) not the same as posting it on Facebook.

Still think it was bloody rude though!

Might have been slightly better if the ungrateful recipient had sent her own message, along the lines of " thank you so much for the pyjamas, however they are not quite my size (harmless fib) would you possibly have the receipt so that I can change them? "

phoenix Mon 30-Dec-19 18:00:25

OP, not ok! Grr.

Violettham Mon 30-Dec-19 18:00:36

I have always asked for suggestions from the Mums ( Daughter and Son} They have never had any problem asking around how much I want to pay. Now that I find getting around difficult they even do the shopping. I have always found that this works for my family and it works as grandchildren have always been pleased.

SirChenjin Mon 30-Dec-19 18:03:20

That was rude imo. My DCs are 12, 20 and 22 and have been taught to say thank you for every gift they receive (which can then be exchanged at the shop they were bought at, donated to charity or regifted etc). It’s probably better to ask for present suggestions when your family is at that age, but a simple “thank you” shouldn’t have been beyond your DDs capabilities.

Chestnut Mon 30-Dec-19 18:04:43

Another option apart from vouchers is Elfster, a website where the family can post links to items they would like, then you just choose what you want to give. You mark the item 'purchased by me' then others can see it's been bought but the person themselves doesn't know.

MerylStreep Mon 30-Dec-19 18:05:22

Very rude and hurtful. But then I wouldn't buy my 10 year old grandaughter anything without her with me.
Style of pyjamas are very important to 15 year olds. They aren't just something to be worn in bed.

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 18:06:24

I think you should smile and be polite at the odd "miss". But if someone is repeatedly missing the mark then it becomes wasteful. So what do you do? Keep recieving them knowing theyll end up straight down the charity shop? Which is a a waste of the givers time and money
You can try hints but they dont always work. There does come a time to be blunt

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 18:08:54

That was rude imo. My DCs are 12, 20 and 22 and have been taught to say thank you for every gift they receive

It doesnt say that the GD didnt say thank you when she got them
It says that the GDs mother later got in touch to say that the gifts arent the girl's style/taste

SirChenjin Mon 30-Dec-19 18:11:47

I’m well aware of that.