Am I wrong?

Inkycog we do give freely. I just find it hard when you are constantly kind and supportive to anybody that they do not give back the same kindness. I do tend to think 'the more you give, the less you are thought of'.

I wouldn't say anything. Stick to a happy amount (for you) in future.

I agree with you about the 'too much time to think' problem Nannykisses!!
It can really knock ones confidence, thinking!

Can you treat yourself to something you really like?
I know it doesn't change much but it can give one something else to concentrate on.

If nothing else, why not write a blog on here about anything you like?

love0c, you’re exactly right x

inkycog … fine for you to comment, but not very helpful in this context.

I bet the reason your SIL told you that she was 100 pound short was cos she knew you would pay it, why would you feel bad that she wouldn’t get the present she wanted, but she told you she now wouldn’t have to dip into her savings account, but it’s her child! That was a awful lot of money for you to give her when you generally give her 50pound, very manipulative and so rude n unkind, couldn’t even get a phone call or a thankyou note: this post makes me so sad for you NannieKisses you sound such a lovely person

Namsnanny, thank you for the advice, I know you’re right x

When my children were young,if they said they didn’t want to write a thank you letter I would offer to return the gift.They soon got the pen and paper out!
We have had a similar situation with my husbands nieces and nephews.We sent money to four of my SIL’s grandchildren and not only did we not receive a thank you,we had to make several phone calls to SIL to confirm the money had actually arrived.We now just send to those who keep in touch and acknowledge the gifts.We didn’t make a big deal of it,just stopped sending and apparently DH’s siblings have made the same decision as us.Manners cost nothing especially these days when a text,message is so easily sent.
Nannykisses,you are not being unreasonable and i can understand your hurt.x?

NannyKisses, maybe I'm wrong to cast aspersions... but could it be that your niece hasn't thanked you because she doesn't even know the money came from you?

It is helpful because it is abut giving freely if one wishes and let them enjoy. Not keep some sort of tally chart.

Everyone, including children, should say thank you for gifts.
You were generous this time, next time spend less if no word of thanks is forthcoming.
I wouldn't ever text/write/ phone about being unhappy or lonely at Christmas to family members ( even if I was) it sounds like criticism for not being invited.If people wanted to invite you they would do.This may ( or may not) be because they are selfish people to not think of you.

I am sorry to say that it is quite rare to get a thank you from many youngsters these days. Fortunately this year I gave my grandchildren their gifts in person, otherwise I know I would not have been thanked. As for my nephew and his family, I do not know if their present arrived as they have not contacted me. Like you, I find it very hurtful, so I have reduced the amount I spend each year.
I suggest you spend just a token amount, or none at all in future, as that family are taking advantage of your generosity.

First, it isn't any child's fault that she hasn't thanked you properly. Children need to be brought up by their parents to accept that this is the right and thoughtful thing to do. It isn't her fault that she hasn't been taught this.

You will already have decided about future gifts - and these should be given with pleasure. It isn't sensible to withhold gifts to children because of their parents bad example.

If/when you do see your niece I am sure you can have a conversation with her about her new ipad and say how much you enjoyed being able to contribute towards it and you are happy she is getting enjoyment from it.

I'm also feeling a bit cheesed off with my granddaughter. It was her 18th birthday this week, and we sent her a birthday card, along with a decent cheque. Also wished her a happy birthday on her Facebook page, but no response!

As she is now 18, I don't think we will be bothering sending any more presents!

Many years ago, once they were old enough to write/phone/text a thank you message, I wrote to my grand children and said 'if you can't be bothered to say Thank you then I can't be bothered to send you anything. my Grandson did not send thanx for the cheque I sent him for his 18th, i wrote to him about this and to this date have never received a reply and he is now 29 and has never received a card or gift from me since then., My 12 yr old granddaughter from my other son has always sent thank you letters, not texts etc but a proper letter sent by post. She gets more from me than the others,

My brother in Australia (for 35 years) never acknowledged he received birthday/Christmas presents and neither did his wife or my niece/nephew. Therefore I now wish them happy birthday via FB and send a Christmas card only. Rudeness is never acceptable and my daughter always sends thank you notes and has taught my DGC to do the same.

Stop sending gifts would be my advice.

? from me

I know hindsight is easy, but I think £100 is a massive sum to give to a niece for Christmas, and that your SiL was very cheeky to put you in that position. I would have said either that £50 was my limit for Christmas or that the £100 was for Christmas and her next birthday.
It’s not doing children any favours if they are led to think that money magically appears in limitless amounts.

Nannykisses I’m sorry to say this but you do sound just a little bit......needy.
Perhaps leave off the texts to your family telling them how neglected you feel? Guilt-tripping people just makes them feel resentful.
We can’t do much about our family, but we can choose our friends. Perhaps if you concentrate on spending time with your friends rather than your family you will feel better in yourself.

Rude and I suspect not really bothered about you. I have a problem with my sister in law not saying thank you or making my nieces and nephew say thanks, On one occasion they did not cash the cheque I sent but when I asked what they had spent my gift on they did not know! I think the cheque got abandoned in their untidy bedroom !
I get totally wound up by her but I don’t send anything now and she has never commented.
As for including you you I don’t think she will if she never has. Time to do your own thing but be polite to them but not the source of money.

I do think that your pre Christmas email saying you hadn't been invited was pretty passive aggressive. Looks like you were trying to make the family feel guilty. That wouldn't go down well.
Then money got in the way. It would have been best not to get involved in others' Christmas present plans. At least you'll know what not to do next year.
As others have said - don't over think it.

I’m in agreement with Nanarchist. At ten years old she is old enough to write a thank you letter or better still, use her new iPad to send you a text. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, Christmas was only two weeks ago and she may not yet have got around to doing it. But, if she doesn’t, I would not give her anything else and if you are asked about it, or ever reminded what she wants, you can very politely and very honestly tell her that as she didn’t appreciate your gift, you had decided to spend the money elsewhere. And then have a lonely friend round for a Christmas dinner together!

I'm afraid we all just text or email our thankyous apart from 2 of our DGC who have been well trained by their mama.
I am a miserly sort who wouldn't give £100 to a 10 yr old even if I had it to give.
I might pay it into an account for when they are older.
I had a savings account as a child that I couldn't access until I was 21. How about that! I used to dream of how I would spend the money. I wanted a pony. When the time came, it went towards the deposit on our first house.
Try to forget the hurt you have felt and next year be a bit more circumspect with your generosity.

Yes, it’s very hurtful Nannykisses, and I feel for you. Unfortunately the older generation are often overlooked, left to have a lonely Christmas and not even thanked for gifts they have sent. Join the club! Take heart in knowing that you are not alone.
It is hurtful, extremely so, and leaves you feeling sad.
Now let it go, it’s in the past. Don’t spend so much next year, the receiver is not worth it, if they can’t even thank you.
Best wishes to you ?

In future, just send a Christmas card and a token gift of perhaps £10.

I gave up on buying presents for the daughters of one of my sister's as I never got any sort of acknowledgement from them. They were warned that this would happen if the attitude didn't change and it didn't do there were no more presents. They were both old enough to take responsibility for their own thank you letters or phone calls.

Can I just respectfully point out your sister in law didn’t ask you for £100 it came up in conversation and you decided to give her that amount of money of course you are right in expecting acknowledgement but it’s all too late now
I think your message about being lonely before Christmas was a big mistake and sounded very needy and a bit like you were trying to make them feel guilty
Please see this as constructive criticism but please look after yourself can’t you find something to do with your time so you are not so lonely none of us should rely on family to the provide our entertainment