Am I wrong?

This is tricky. I am going to try to be objective to be helpful hopefully. The text about feeling lonely at Christmas etc seems to be trying to pressurise or guilt trip sister into issuing an invitation. Bil and sister might not want a big Christmas, not want to invite op or think she should go to her daughter for Christmas day. They might then perceive the extra money as a way to "encourage" a Christmas invitation. There is no excuse for the lack of a thank you for the gift. Op it is a new year..make some plans for things which will bring you enjoyment.

I think you need to be more assertive here! For example don't say you are feeling 'sad and lonely', it sounds manipulative. Simply say, 'I have no plans for Christmas this year, can I join you?' It would be difficult for them to say no without a good excuse.
When picking up a youngster for not writing a thank you note, get straight to the point. 'Please can you confirm that you have receieved the £100 I sent you, and tell me about what you purchased with the money? I believe you were after an Ipad. Have you got it and tell me what you are using it for?'
A 10 year old will have several email /messaging service accounts by which you can communicate with them, especially now she has her own new ipad!
Don't expect people to mind read. It causes misunderstandings. Ask the questions you want answers to.

I lost my husband last year and noone asked me for Christmas. My son aged 40 said after Christmas that their generation is selfish and will do what they want to do. I havent seen my GC since last dec. I am lonely and alone. A very kind person took me into her family Christmas last year which was lovely. I was asked again this year but declined as i was feeling the loss of DH much more than last year. I was alone but had lovely happy thoughts about Christmas past
I dont know what future Christmases will bring but i do know thst i will not be invited to my sons family

What a lucky girl to have an expensive Ipad for Christmas and when she is only just 10. Giving too much can be a big mistake as people may think you are trying to buy your way into the family especially as you were also weedling for an invite for Christmas. I am sure this is not true as you sound a very nice and kind person but I'm just trying to give you a different perspective.
Maybe the niece doesn't actually know that you contributed to the Ipad nor how much if her mother hasn't told her which could be quite likely. Perhaps you could ask for the nieces email address which she will have and you could send her the occasional message?
Whatever I think you need to get out of the position you are in and try to create a life outside of your family so that you don't dwell on the way they treat you. There are lots of voluntary organisations you could join which cater for all interests so that you can escape this terrible rut of despair. Believe me voluntary organisations are really appreciative of any help they can get.

I’ve been through something similar, constantly remembering birthdays and christmases and never getting any acknowledgement or a thank you, I finally decided that the problem is theirs, not mine. Don’t allow yourself to be treated that way any more, set boundaries and if people can’t respect you then they don’t deserve you in their lives x

On Christmas Day, my mother (92) was invited to Christmas dinner with my brother and SIL and their grown-up children. Very nice of course. She has always been generous despite the fact that these GC never visit her, despite living close by. She came armed with £20 notes for each of them. But when she arrived, they did not bother to come and greet her as all were busy playing video games and barely looked up when she came into the room. The 'kids' are all in their 20s. She kept the cash in her pocket because of their rudeness.

NannyKisses - I would ask yourself what you get from your relationship with this family? It sounds to me as though they only see you as a human cashpoint.

However, trying to say this as nicely as possible, because I can understand how upset and hurt you are, but there does seem to be manipulation on both sides.

Your text to them before Christmas was all but a request to be invited to their home for Christmas, and their message to you about the child not having enough for her desired iPad, was all but asking you to cough up.

Did you maybe think that if you gave the money, that would result in an invitation to stay with them for Christmas?

Easy for an outsider like me to say (especially one who is an only child and doesn't have these sibling potholes to negotiate) but I'd be inclined to write them off as a bad job and cross their names out of my address book.

I'd stop contacting them over this iPad - you're clearly not going to get the response you are looking for, and surely if it's not a response given willing, but one that's had to be wrenched out of them, it doesn't have the same meaning - and harden yourself to not provide any more cash, or gifts, to a clearly ungrateful family.

The fact that your SiL told you that her child was a certain amount short from being able to buy what she wanted , makes me believe that you have been manipulated, sorry to say.
The lack of communication normally, lack of response to other texts , including the one about the fact that you were going to be on your own (and she still apparently expected you to cough up money for a child that you apparently rarely see) also makes me think that , quite frankly, she doesn't really care!
Time to stop the gifts in the future and don't worry if , when asked (if she bothers to) that you tell her that her daughter is an ungrateful wretch and it hasn't seemed to bother her at all, that you had to dip into YOUR savings to be able to give the money that she apparently so desperately wanted!
Time to move on with your life and get rid of this nasty piece of work - where is your brother in all this? Is he aware of what has been happening? You are quite honestly better off without them !

It's tricky. You want to be a good aunty (as I have also tried to be) and let your niece know that you are thinking of her and care. In my financial circumstances, £100 would be way over the top even for my own kids! If you don't see your niece very often, a token gift might be better, whether you get a thank you or not. Maybe a £10 Amazon voucher or a £10 note for birthday instead of Christmas ( I know you shouldn't send cash in the post, but ...). You absolutely should be getting at the very least, confirmation that the cash has been received. Children are not always taught the value of things, so to not get on the phone to you and thank you for the £100 gift is terrible. Many children just learn to expect it then and don't respect the thought that went into a gift or a carefully chosen card. We stopped buying for nieces and nephews at Christmas many years ago when a SIL told everyone that we did not spend as much money on our gifts (we were poor relation but still gave as generously as we could). I found this out much later, but the first Christmas that this edict was made by her, noone told me so we were the only ones to give presents that year!!! Needless to say, that person has caused no end of trouble and heartache in our large family. Yes, life is VERY hard. You have my sympathy and virtual hugs. Just one more thing, communication has never been easier than today, so again no excuse for the missing thank yous. xx

I blame the parents. Children do what they are taught. I’m afraid a lot of the younger generation think that what they get is a “right” rather than a thoughtful gift. Parents are almost frightened to admonish children nowadays. Talk about the tail wagging the dog. Personally I would exclude this person next year. I don’t buy for nieces and nephews and they don’t buy for me.

I see the difference between my son and my husbands two children. I had them all at different times over Christmas period. My son (who is on a modest wage) brought over a little “thank you for having us gift” but neither of the other two bought anything and they are all on high flying salaries. Not that I expect anything but as they say, it’s the thought that counts (or lack thereof)!

How unappreciative, I wouldn’t be buying her anything in future, she is old enough to ring or text you herself to thank you.
Manners is one of the first things you teach your kids, this little madam obviously hasn’t got any.

I over spent this year and I am not giving so much next year. In fact I may say I am going away and hide It leaves me feeling bad when people can't be bothered. The present I received from S and DiL was a hamper, apparently Dil turn to do the shopping, put into a cardboard box with the old delivery labels still on it,was a bottle of cheap wine and some cheapo biscuits. DiL knows we don't drink alcohol. I wouldn't mind so much if she had bothered to cover the box with Christmas paper or ask one of the 3 GC to stick on some paper,It would have been more endearing. I get very little pension. and save all the year for their Birthdays and Christmas. It was a very costly mistake running into the hundreds and it will not happen again! I am telling myself off as we have 7 GC . the others really do not care if we gave them a box of chocs between them all. Happy New year and sorry about the rant.

I live a drive away(hour&half) from most of my adult kids & grandkids and usually do get asked if we' re coming for xmas from 1 or other of them but usually say no as my youngest 2 are still at home(21&16) and they prefer to be at home.But i dont spend £50 on GC unless its a birthday, I try to spend about £20-30 each at xmas on them.I've got 8 GC. (But 1 whose birthday is on boxing day )Ive got one grown up nephew (40's) and his daughter is (greatneice)about 17 now but i certainly wouldnt spend £50 or £100 on either of them! If its not your child then its up to their own parent to buy something as dear as an ipad,if they couldn't afford it they'd have to do without! You might want to contribute a bit more to your own GC maybe,but i would not have dipped in that much extra for a niece or nephew. And you'd have thought theyd have invited you at xmas as a way of showing how grateful they were as a family that youd done that,or thank you properly at least.leave it till you next ring them and mention it to neice,casually ask if she liked it& say "well i hoped you would thats why i sent you more than usual"-But next year I'd get them a 'token' gift for the niece of up to £20 or a gift card for that amount maybe?Also you might want to discuss with your Adult kids early on in year about youd like to come to one of them for xmas next time? They arent mind readers,maybe they think you prefer a quiet xmas on your own? Or maybe you need to say "can i come to yours for xmas please?"and take it from there.

I think that there are (or maybe should be) two separate things going on here.

One is the relationship that you would like to have with your SIL's family. Telling them that you are sad and lonely at Christmas could be perceived as manipulative and passive aggressive. Your texts after you sent the money were both acknowledged with thanks, but you are not happy with the replies, as you wanted either an invitation or a conversation with your niece. Neither of these things are unreasonable in themselves, but probably shouldn't be expected as payback for a gift, which should really be given without 'strings', even when it is as generous as yours was.

The second thing is that your niece did not thank you for the money. At ten, she is probably too young to do this entirely on her own, so the blame lies with her parents (and not just your SIL - what about your brother's role in this?). At the same time, it is just over a week after Christmas, and it could be that your niece is writing thank-you cards to everyone who sent her gifts. These will take time for a ten year old to write, and there have been Bank Holidays with no postal service in between Christmas and now. Also, it could be that your SIL feels that you have been thanked, as she replied to two texts about the money, and she may be doing the 'thank-yous' on behalf of your niece, who is still very young.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with asking for contact details (email, WhatsApp or Messenger are all possibilities) for your niece so that you can 'chat' to her direct, though. Now that she has an iPad, she will probably love to have a 'penpal' to share photos and little messages with, and it will take some of the onus off her mother, who may well be busy with all the day to day things involved in working and bringing up a family.

That way, you could become more of a part of the family, and it could lead to invitations that come more naturally than before.

What awful behaviour from them - unfortunately that seems to be normal for some people nowadays.
I am lucky that I have 4 grandchildren who always thank me but years ago my brother's children never did so and I felt that was because my brother and his wife didn't seem to think it necessary to encourage them to do so. Unfortunately this does encourage children to take things for granted

dear nice lady, you have been treated disgustingly ! in future do not be emotionally blackmailed like this. How could anyone take that amount of cash and not even include you for Christmas dinner. I despair of this selfish generation (not all of them but too many to ignore )

With my eight GC I have told them that if they can't be bothered to thank me I won't be bothered to give them anything. As a result they do all (bar one!) write and thank me. I also sent them all blank 'thank you' cards so that they don't have to write much when they are little.

I always get carried away,on the GC,i say ill spend £20-30 but i like to get them smaller other gifts too which i save up throughout the year,then this yr i got them all(even older 1s) a dressing gown with their name on,as well as the other stuff,so probably did spend about £50 on each in end,but they are my GC and i didnt spend it all at once,i collect things i know theyl like in sales or throughout year,they had about 3 gifts each in end.But i usually spend more on my two youngest sons as theyre still at home and they collect video games and lego.my older AC & their OH i get them a smaller gift up to £10-£12 each(maybe a bit more for my youngest daughter as shes no kids, i get her a nice perfume or something,the key is to spread cost by buying throughout year or in sales.

My girls always say thank you at the time the gift us given. They usually send thank you cards too, however, so far we've not had chance to sit and write them. The post hasn't run that many days either given bank holiday and weekends.
Maybe yours is either on it's way or on the to-do list.
Personally, your email of being alone I think was out of order. You really shouldn't guilt-trip people like that.
Why did your own children not host you or you not host them or other friends or relations? Maybe widening your social circle would help you feel less isolated.
This possibly sounds like in being harsh. It's not meant to, just I hope helpful suggestions.
With regard to the niece just send a card for her birthday saying that as you contributed so much towards her iPad this Christmas that it was for both birthday and Christmas.

Families are notoriously tricky to navigate. You have my condolences. I wouldn't have left you alone at Christmas. I wish you well going forward x

Does your brother know how you feel ie not being invited for Christmas and having to spend it alone, and also not receiving a thankyou for the £100. I think it is him you should be talking to.

Yes i always get thank you's-its how they've been brought up.i also include one of my sons partners child from her previous marriage,as i would never leave a child out,so im buying for 9 really.she gets treated same.

Yes as Merryweather said,just send niece a card for birthday and say you sent the extra for both.

And just a giftcard nxt year for xmas.

I am with Bluebell on this. Your text may have made them feel uncomfortable and from their point of view, such a large amount of money could be seen as trying to "buy" your way into family events. I am absolutely sure that you weren't intending to do that but put the two actions together and it can easily be misinterpreted.
To be honest, I'd be slightly uncomfortable in handing over my 10 year old's contact details if I thought that there was a possibly chance of manipulation happening with her.
I hope you will understand that I am saying this from a position of not knowing you at all and, if I knew you well, I would know that it wasn't in your remit to be manipulative. I am not trying to be hurtful, just putting forward a theory of how your actions could be interpreted.
Regardless of your actions though, I do think that at 10 years old, some form of recognition should be given for your Christmas present, no matter what the amount. However, rather sadly, that seems to be a fading fashion and shouldn't be taken personally.
I think the major thing that is presented by your post is how lonely you are. I know it isn't the same as family but there are more "events" being held for people in your position across the country at Christmas to combat this. Maybe if there aren't any in your area, you could find someone who could help you organise something so that you and other lonely people could get together. Who knows maybe some all year round friendships could be forged.

This all goes to show how different we all are. My daughter and her children always thank my, my other daughter and her children never thank me for anything, that just see me as a 'bank'. Tough love is needed.