Is it time to rethink Christmas?

I'm really glad that we scaled back and simplified the 'festivities' many years ago. There's no pressure to cook elaborate meals or buy expensive presents.

I have a choice of who to visit on the day too - but it does appear compulsory to be the guest of one of my children. There should be choices for those alone who'd prefer company, though - but not just on Christmas day!

We are on the same page- baby first, always, adults adapt.
That is always stated in my posts - pro baby and nuclear family, just in case you are not familiar with my posts.

I was just stating an example of how intransigent family members behave, not what is reasonable.

I'm an atheist but I still want the UK predominately to be a Christian country. I love singing carols because I like the tunes and it's the only time of the year I join in for a good sing along. You don't have to believe to enjoy the atmosphere of Christmas, and I like to treat my family to things they want or need. Paid time off work for most too, what's not to like!

I am genuinely happy for you Urmstongran I am part of a close extended family, 3 generations too and we enjoy any get together whenever possible.

What I read and hear is of so many family fall outs when some family members should not be in the same room yet feel forced to be together because it’s what families do at Christmas!

My sincere condolences on the death of your mother last year. It is a very painful time of transition learning to live without our mother. ?

Sorry Hithere your hypothetical example was too detailed to seem just an imaginary scenario.
It is too easy to “invent” an argument with the precise intention of demolishing it - and proves nothing.
I think somebody (or some people) has /have lost the plot of this thread. OP made a series of perfectly reasonable points but subsequent posts have gone of at spurious tangents.

It is sadly not an imaginary example. I know the person and her family who went through it.

Expectations of Christmas, holidays etc are always way too high so consequently we are often disappointed.
Time for a rethink for those of us who maybe felt let down over Christmas but don't throw the baby out with the bath water. There is a lot of goodwill and happiness around for a lot of people.

Well, if the intransigent one is the host, then turn down the invitation, if they are the invited guest, univite them or make it clear that the adjustment will be made and it is up to them to accommodate it or not come.

I invited a friend to join us for Christmas one year. We all seemed to have a very pleasant time, but she turned down another invitation because we did something fairly trivial that she didn't enjoy. Had we known, we would not have done it or only done it after she went home.

I was on my own this year for the second Christmas running and was dreading it until I read an article about how many years ago Christians hijacked the long-standing pagan festivals on/about 25th December and called them 'Christ-mas'. As it now seems to have reverted back to being a pagan festival in so many ways, it was the thought that I was going to let the pagans get on with it that got me through this time. Don't know if it will work next year, but I can always hope.

Thank you Kalu it was very kind of you to say that. x

It was just an example of how tradition run in that fictional family before a change was requested

So not a fictional family Hithere - how confusing. .

Gosh MOnica I can’t be the only one wondering what you all ‘did’ that was off-putting enough to your guest to turn down an invitation for the following year!

I’m guessing you might have said grace at the dinner table.

But perhaps it was that game of ‘spin the bottle’ after you’d eaten!
??

You have got to tell us M0nica?. What fairly trivial pastime would not be enjoyable?.?

Such interesting comments.I live in a retirement community and have slowly come to realise there are some older folk who just love being by themselves especially in times of celebrations such as Christmas.They do not feel lonely but relish being alone.For those who don't we try to find ways to give the support they want.

My husband prefers to be at home and doesn’t mind being on his own, so I went to my daughter’s on Christmas Day without him. He was perfectly happy to stay home on his own, but I compromised by going out between meals.
To be honest I would rather be at home alone than in a house where there is too much noise and silliness, or bored watching someone else’s choice of rubbish TV, or with bickering relatives, if that is the alternative.( not that that happened at my daughter’s house, I hasten to add).

What we did was do quizzes. We usually have a Trivia set or book around, and on occasion will do them taking it in turn to read a set of questions. To give an idea of how much we do it. This year we did none until New Years Eve and then did some for half an hour in the run up to midnight.

My friend considered that doing a few quizzes when she was with us was intellectual arrogance! Not sure why, Nobody had ever commented before. DDiL was delighted to discover we did quizzes because so did her family - and if we all have degrees, none of her family do, bar her.

Celebrating Christmas is not compulsory...no-one is going to knock on your door and check up on you . You are perfectly at liberty to ignore the whole thing. Just don't try to spoil things for those who do enjoy it.

Absolutely agree. As I mentioned above, DS and her DH do not have any interest in Christmas, so we go our separate ways in the Christmas period. She does nothing to spoil my Christmas, which I love, and I say or do nothing to denigrate hers.

You do what you want to do Dinahmo and we will do what we prefer to do.

We are a family who go all out to celebrate Christmas. My DD2 and I go to church on the Sunday before Christmas the others do not. None of us go on Christmas Eve/Day, I go the rest of the year the others don’t.

We buy a lot of presents for each other, not all expensive. We buy a lot of food, none goes to waste it gets used as leftovers or frozen to use again, much of it homemade. We share the cooking and preparation.

We all have a planner for activities and meals. We all discuss what we are going to do and accommodate everyone else’s ideas. We invite friends to join us and I am included in everything if I want to be there but nobody is offended if I say something is not for me and that day I’m happy to be on my own.

We are all happy , 3 generations but we compromise like this all year not just at Christmas. We love each other’s company and share birthdays and special occasions and some holidays but we don’t take anything for granted and consider each other. It works for us and I know I’m very lucky, we all live very close within walking distance. I am lucky but we all work at it all the time and not one person always gets heir own way.

I could do Christmas on my own as I like my own company but am so glad I don’t have to

MOnica quizzes Oh no!
It’s a good job your friend has never had to have dinner with my American DGD and DGS.
No meal is complete without them demanding a quiz.
‘Name a famous building in Paris’
‘Who is the Prime Minister of Canada?’
‘Name the Great Lakes’
‘What is the state capital of Vermont?’

We run out of questions

“The” Boxing Day quiz has long been a tradition with us and also our friends (having been invited over on Boxing Day afternoon specifically for their quiz!)
Paw had one of those brains which sucked up items of (random) knowledge and was always in demand for pub or church quiz teams. And at least one DD has inherited the gene - so has her husband! So Boxing Day is not complete without a quiz. There are loads to be downloaded and particularly when you are all mellow it adds to the fun. (Flattering too to hear “ I want Mum on our team”.)

I love the sound of the Christmas quizzes.

Celebrating Saturnalia, the Winter Solstice, Christmas, a secular winter feast, whatever, is not compulsory.

If you do wish to celebrate then there are umpteen ways in which you can choose, no-one is forcing anyone to celebrate in a certain way or even to celebrate at all.
You can choose a low-key Christian festival or an orgy of consumerism - or something enjoyable in between the two.

You could ignore the whole thing or you could go and cook dinner for the homeless or the lonely.

It's a long time between the end of August and Christmas Day without a Bank Holiday - are we the only country without one in that period? The weather is often gloomy and having a winter festival can cheer us up but also make us think of those less fortunate and do something to help, whether practically or by donation.

Goodness M0nica unless you were playing a degree standard trivia? I can’t understand what would have upset your friend but I am a quiz lover.

We all play what GD2 calls ‘catch’. Going through the alphabet naming cities, capitals, fruits etc. General knowledge and trivia are great fun.