New user? Old user? Lurker? We'd love your views.

If anyone thinks a poster is guilty of bullying, then report it to GNHQ, giving examples.
Marydoll So why haven't I been reported by you and your buddies?

I've been a member on and off for about 10 years. I've changed usernames once because a different name opened me up to ridicule when some posters were looking to get personal and nasty!

I lurk on and off, it depends how much time I have. I generally avoid the political threads but am sometimes drawn in. It's very shocking how people are so nasty to each other and some posters are attacked en masse! I can think of one who posts a little bit differently from the crowd and I can't imagine why she stays, I wouldn't put up with the instant caustic responses she gets!

As someone else said, it's notable that the chief culprits are absent from this thread. It isn't just the political threads though. Some people are attacked because they asked for help. Someone here asked why anyone would ask on a public forum for help. Well, they might be a fake poster but perhaps they are really desperate and have nowhere else to go - duh! Let's be a little bit sensitive to those who are different......

I agree that the forum can feel cliquely. Some people's posts get ignored, quite obviously. It's a shame when an OP doesn't come back to interact or say whether they were helped or their situation changed.

I think the forum could do with more moderating. Some forums have a means of identifying someone who is new (a sign or line saying 'new poster' by their name and there will be a request to be kind to such people.

There are some impressive, well qualified, educated and knowledgeable people who generously give of their time to answer specific questions. Occasionally, I am amazed by how helpful people can be.

Lastly, nowhere else to say this but to those who have PM-ed me, all have been incredibly supportive, warm and helpful. It can be done!

I agree. An accusation of bullying is a big deal, particularly as what is meant by 'bullying' hasn't been defined.

If anyone thinks a poster is guilty of bullying, then report it to GNHQ, giving examples.
Actually naming a poster as bully on a public forum, when the accused hasn't had a chance to respond, or is unaware that they are even being discussed, is in my opinion not a very nice thing to do.

We don't know what is going in anyone's life and personal comments by posters about another poster may have a detrimental affect on their emotional wellbeing.
We have Report button. Let GN deal with it, if you have concerns or think you are being bullied. Naming and shaming publicly is just another form of bullying.

I'm all for robust discussion and straight talking, but there is a difference between that and personal attacks.

Mary51* I agree but she was hounded out because she was different.

I used to welcome new posters on that thread and try to help if they were "lost" but one bit my head off on that thread and my thought was if you can be so rude to me how are you going to be with some of the contentious posts?

I call myself a reader rather than lurker!! I joined about two years ago and read most days, I always read Good Morning and wonder how certain people are today. Twice, I think I started threads and people very helpful and friendly.

It can make you laugh out loud and bring tears to your eyes.
I do miss one particular poster who left recently and who always breezed in like a breath of fresh air!

ExperiencedNotOld you are correct (your post 22.02 Sunday)

If someone new happens to open posts on an actively bad day then I think they would lurk or run a mile. I often find posts becoming increasingly hostile and if I came across so many aggressive people in real life in just a week never mind a day I wouldn't be able to step outside. Thankfully I am learning to not open certain discussions. Maybe you could have some kind of trigger which depending on the words used sets a thermometer reading across the subject heading so the longer the red line you know in advance not to bother open that particular discussion if you're not up for a fight!

How are you defining bullying, ExperiencedNotOld?

I can't say I have seen bullying on here, although I am aware that online it can be difficult to spot, particularly when a site has a lot of members, so dynamics between particular posters don't stand out.

What I do see a lot of is passive aggressive behaviour. People posting something contentious, then adding 'just saying', or 'just my opinion', as if to shut down disagreement, or adding a after being snide - that sort of thing.

Someone said to me recently that I wanted to have the last word. This was in a post where she was repeating her own point of view, and basically telling me not to reply to it, so effectively having the last word herself! I would prefer people to come out and say what they think and stand by it, rather than be manipulative like that. Straight talk is not the same as bulling. Just saying .

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ExperienceNot Old: I am sorry to hear of your bad experience on Gransnet. As noted above, I had hoped things had changed for the better in recent years. Thank you for mentioning the 'report button'. I was unaware that it existed. I probably will not use it but it is good to know it is there. If I understand the FAQ, you report a post you find offensive and Gransnet adjudicates.

I do realise there’s a ‘report’ button already. But have no idea of the parameters of use. I meant ‘report poster’.

I joined Gransnet not long ago, despite not being a gran albeit a mother of adult children. I came whilst in turmoil over what retirement may hold, hoping to gain some idea of others experience. I’m a fairly robust individual and do hold strong opinions, of which I’m not scared to argue - but I absolutely understand what DEBATE is, unlike some of the regular Gran-mafia that post so often they must have little life outside of Gransnet. I’ve been shocked at the vitriol aimed at myself and at others. I understand that it’s easy to hide behind a social media profile and perhaps behave in a more extreme way than you would face to face, but these women need to realise the potential effect their barbed, dismissive and sometimes downright nasty comments may have on others. Shame on them. if they’re having a bad time be honest about it and seek support. I believe there needs to be a ‘report post’ button and action taken against those that constantly pitch that vitriol. I could name names, and have a suspicion that others would name the same names too.

This is my third coming to Gransnet. The first two ended because of insults from other contributors. This was most prevalent when I left in early 2017 after trying to post rationally in measured terms about Brexit. In the end, I felt my opponents were more interested in bear-baiting than discussion and decided to leave Gransnet to them. It is early days but the atmosphere seems to have changed since 2017. I hope so and, if this is the case, perhaps Gransnet can be a place where mature people with different points of view can discuss them without personal insults. We shall see. As it is, I am back again, living in hopes.

With me being a competition addict I joined Gransnet to enter. At first I didn't read the forums but when I finally did, I have since become an addict to reading the threads that catch my eye. I call in every day and offer advice if I can.
To be quite honest after years and years of my, our family and friends problems, one thing after another, it was a comfort, if that's the right word, to realise that I'm not the only one that life has been unkind to. It seemed at the time that it all happened to me and mine. I now know I'm not the only one. Every day almost, there's others on here with troubles, some very sad and others tragic. Some, life will never be the same. You all battle on and have my greatest admiration. I don't always comment as I just don't know what to say but I feel.
As I've said, I enter the competitions which I hope to win. None so far Now apart from them appearing on this site, they are listed on other competition sites which gets me wondering, have I already entered or not? I'm sure I've entered twice at times and think if something like 'you have already entered' if entered more than once could show on admission so as not to be disqualified. Does that make sense?
I love the humour on here. I often laugh out loud.
I would also like to have an update from posters. Some say they will come back with an outcome but don't which leaves us wondering.
Missing, although some maybe not, the member until recently who called 'a spade a spade' and had no fear of voicing her opinion. Like Marmite, you either loved her or hated her.
Missing other members who were regulars but have not posted of late.
We are all different personalities and have different opinions but must advise as best we can without conflict and bullying. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.
Thank you Gransnet for a brilliant site. Something here for everyone. Long may it continue.

I do post but more often read posts that interest me.
One thing that I think would be helpful would be the ability to change our user name easily. I would like to change my name as it could be seen as quite outing though I didn't think of that when I joined.
Also there have been occasions when I have considered asking for advice or posting something possibly controversial or outing and would like to be able to temporarily name change then, as you can do on Mumsnet.

annodomini yes we remember your friend, a tragic loss.

Its seems only like yesterday doesn't it.

Ive been here since around 2011/12

I miss the original posters who have dissapeared for one reason or another, or maybe changed their names.

A few more have not surfaced for a while now.

I remember it seemed to be fun and also compassionate.

Myself I stear away from any argumentative threads,or political threads as I have no interest in them.

I'm more of a lurker these days, but do still throw an odd post in now and then.

Our virtual parties/cruises/trips to Pendle Hill were brill!

Thank you Kitty ?.

Just because bullying is not monitored/removed does not mean it didn’t happen.

And I meant to add - the Gransnet Cafe for new members was a great idea, but perhaps could do with more publicity?

In answer to GNHQ's original question, I think there are several things that can put/chase off new posters, but I don't know what you can do about them.

The first is if they post in one of the "cosy" threads full of regulars and are, as they might see it, ignored while the chat goes on around them. Sometimes another poster spots that they're new and welcomes them to the forum. It can make all the difference, as it can be hard to take that first step.

The second - they need to be aware that if someone asks for your opinion, they don't necessarily want you to give it. Some just want their own opinions validated, and take umbrage at anyone disagreeing with them, which can be tricky.

Then there's News & Politics, which isn't for the faint-hearted. I've been side-swiped several times in there, so don't often bother going in, but it really should come with a warning to the unwary.

On the whole though, I enjoy GN, and I think many of the more confrontational members have gone. There's a lot of good advice and support given and plenty of humour. And the competitions and book club are great.

Oops, sorry, the above was to the discussion re competitions not being open to overseas members.

Isn't it just because different countries have different laws re competitions and gambling? I've never seen any UK competitions open to entrants from any other country apart from Ireland, and even then there are usually different terms and conditions stated for Irish entrants. Similarly on holiday abroad, I've seen competitions that are only open to residents of that country.

If there was bullying involved as said above by other posters, was it reported, did the mods get involved. If not it is only your perception.
If Gransnet did not delete said posts then they did not consider it bullying.

sodapop I only discovered a few days ago that offers and competitions were not on offer to somebody who lives so close but obviously not in the UK. I wonder what the reasoning is? Is it postage for prizes?

Poshfrock I agree with kittylester you are more likely to get replies when you start a new thread.

I understand that MerylStreep but occasionally offers and competitions could be open to non UK people.
And yes ExD1938 I live in France, of course it's ok to ask.