No kissing my baby

You seem stressed and paranoid

Her inlaws do not listen to her about a health issue that could at best give her child a life long issue, and at worse make them very ill or die.

I can’t imagine why that would upset someone. Can you?

Why don’t you try some advice instead of just being unkind?

Naty, this is your child, I think kisses on the head are ok when no symptoms, but those are my boundaries, not yours. We all have different thresholds.

You need to be comfortable. Just keep kindly reminding them. It’s all you can do if you are still going to be seeing them daily.

You seem stressed and paranoid

There are so many heartbreaking stories online about young babies being severely ill and in some cases dying because they have caught the herpes virus from someone with a cold sore. It doesn't have to be a direct kiss on the lips either. Touch your cold sore with your hands and the virus is on your fingers too. That is sometimes enough to pass on the virus to another person. To the posters commenting about the childs school days how they will cope then! They will cope better, as their immune system will be far more developed. The key here is the age of the baby. You can never be too careful so Naty I think you are taking very sensible precautions.

I'm with you Naty. It's not just the question of not kissing baby on the mouth. As you've said babies grab at people's faces, then put their hands in their mouth. They also rub their own faces and heads where someone might gave kissed them.
Herpes , once caught is there for life and who would want that, either for themselves or their children.
If people think you're being hysterical hard luck, stick to your guns.
I'm 76 so not a snowflake mummy but an old hand. Eldest of eight, brought up in the muck if a farmyard. Mother of three, grandmother of three, now adult GCs and at no time would I have allowed kisses from anyone known to carry the virus and neither did my mother. Of course there may have been people that we didn't know might have it but they weren't close enough to be kissing our babies anyway.
You can only do your best.
In passing I think your MIL is taking the P by calling in so often.
Doesn't the woman respect any privacy at all?
Perhaps in the future you might find a lovely new home a few miles away ?

You are not being obsessive but very careful.
Babies have died from catching this virus
If you google it you can put the stories up on the family whats app
If they think kissing your baby is more important than keeping him/her safe them shame on them. Stand your ground

Callistemon Sat 11-Jan-20 23:27:30

Your baby your rules! Your in laws should respect that.

I don't like people kissing babies. I always kissed the back of their hand if I kissed anywhere
But Naty, you do sound very stressed and anxious about everything. I think you need to do something about that.

Hi naty

I'm a mom to two girls and a son due in 10/12 weeks. I know exactly how you feel. You've done your research and it's correct about hsv1/2 and dental issues caused by strep bacteria in saliva. I think you've had a few harsh replies
I agree with how you've handled things and it's delicate nature regarding the in-laws who sound suffocating and controlling.

I thought is try and cheer you up with a few old wives tales I've had over the years.

No hair washing on Sunday.
No hair washing if your on your period.
No going out with wet hair because you'll catch flu.
Tomato seeds give you appendicitis.
If you go out without a vest on (regardless of the time of year) you'll catch diarrhoea
You should never go swimming on your period.
No hanging your smalls on the washing line- it encourages men, and means you are a tart.
Walking outside barefoot will give you diarrhoea.
Babies should go outside to sleep during the day.
Too much reading will make you cross-eyed.
No bare feet or just sock on feet inside- you'll catch flu.
If you swallow chewing gum it will get stuck in your appendix which will then burst.

I'm sure there's many more ridiculous none medical none scientific tales. Hope they made you giggle as much as they did when I heard them. There's no reasoning or fact behind them when I questioned!

Good luck with the in-laws, they need to respect your time, wishes and limits. X

I totally agree with you and admire you for your honesty. My ex husband suffered from cold sores and a few members of his family , I never did I’m glad to say.
I don’t think anyone should kiss a baby on the face especially if they carry the cold sore virus. I have always only ever kissed children on the top of the head even my own children.
Babies and children are too precious to take chances with. Sorry if any one thinks I’m ‘over the top’ ?

I used to get cold sores. When my daughter first got one and the doctor told me that I'd probably passed the virus on to her I felt so guilty. If I'd known beforehand I would have been much more careful. As a teenager she had some really big, disfiguring ones which affested her self esteem and I blamed myself.
So I don't think you are being unreasonable.

The saliva thing is why your bottom front teeth are prone to plaque isn't it? As the saliva pools there

Ive never heard of saliva causing tooth decay? And its not something our British dentists have ever said either- what they do mention is that too much fizzy drinks(soda in US) or sweets,chocolate (candy) or sugary foods then little or no teeth cleaning causes tooth decay!

You are not being unreasonable about the kissing but you are suffering from anxiety when you are describing feeling sweaty and shaky. My own DD is like this only worse regarding vomiting. She has emetophobia and this has worsened over Christmas as DGC had norovirus. She is already skinny and has not been eating because of her anxiety and is terrified when SIL is on night shift if the children make a noise. She is on waiting list for counselling for something else but I have asked her to speak about this first as it is making her life awful. If you are so anxious then perhaps you could see out some CBT to try and focus on the positive things.
Stress does not cause cold sores but can affect the body's immune response hence why cold sores may appear when people are stressed as once you have the virus it lies dormant until something triggers the immune system.

GoldenaAge,you are so sensible,and so what this young lady needs right now.and yes i think it must be right,as you say about the ice,my son always has had ice in his drinks,if he can,and hes got oesophageal reflux, and he likes to keep cool so has his window open all year round but a fan as well in summer or if hes getting too hot,but yes then he always gets a chill!

Om goodness Naty I’ve just read the rest of messages, your in laws sound like a nightmare haha I’d just not open the door if mine kept coming over unannounced !! You poor thing !! Good luck x

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Not antivirus, antibodies, sorry!

Naty, I have to say some of the posters on here have been very positive and supportive of your fears. I am 100% behind you on this. Too many self opinionated replies on here. Give the girl a break! Why on earth anyone can think it to be ok to kiss a babies mouth is beyond me! Anyone with a brain can surely understand the awful results for a baby contracting the herpes virus. It’s a horrible thing to have and, as has been said before, extremely dangerous. Of course toddlers pick up germs but a five month old baby needs all the protection a mother can give.
Stick to your guns Naty and remember, your baby, your rules. x

Sorry just realised my poor typos ! What I meant was I’ve had the virus since birth ! And my children never got it, though I wouldn’t dream of kissing my children or any other children or husband when I have cold sores, nor would I kiss my children, or any one else’s on the lips ! Next time I’ll use the preview button !!

I had a friend from my teen years who was prone to cold sores and though she was from a large family none of the others ever had or suffered from them,but she must have got the virus somewhere.i looked it up and yes its caused by a virus,but as someone else said,stress,or even tiredness,can be a trigger,even cold weather,she never passed it on to her own kids though,as far as i know(i married her brother but when we divorced i kind of lost touch with her) but i never heard of her 'passing' it to anyone, but she was extra careful when she had a sore,that she didnt kiss her or my kids,BUT not to the point of obsession as you seem to be?? I also though dont think most people kiss children/ babies on their mouths,i think its not a british thing,and you say 'mom' so i presume your from USA?I dont know whats the norm there,for kissing children.But if your childs in that same family isnt it likely she could have the virus already,lying dormant in her system,as the grandparents& aunt has it?Does your husband not get them,or has he missed it?(do you not ever kiss him then?or let him kiss his own baby?) Have you all been checked out then to see if youve got the gene/virus? It seems to be a far bigger problem in US than in Britain,with more testing for this? I understand your concerns but yes you do sound a bit hysterical over this.Its possible youre letting normal concerns& cautiousness get out of hand.As mentioned by another poster the child has to build up their own immunity to everything and when they go to nursery/preschool then school proper kids are touching everything/ everyones hands faces etc. Or touching what others have,Its normal to. You should be able to cope with real life before you have kids,it helps a lot.

Herpes virus may stay dormant for many years and you may not even know you have it.
It can only be detected by blood test (by having antivirus in your blood)

This is your baby and your rules. Just to be clear though, I’m 61 I’ve carried the HPV virus since both, neither my Mum or Dad had it or cold sores, I get them very often, I never kissed my own kisses WHEN I had a cold sore, but always kissed them on other occasions, on their faces, not on their lips, same with Grandson, none of my kids or Grandson get cold sores, so although I do think you’re being over cautious I also think it’s your baby your choice and they should respect this, you can cuddle, hug and show affection in lots of ways without kissing

nobody of my acquaintance would dream of kissing a baby in the mouth ...top of head is acceptable only. Even so.... I really think you are a little obsessive ..perhaps a chill-pill occasionally !

Naty,

It is not unusual to have issues with the ILs after having a baby, when beforehand everything was great.

Where does your dh stand on the herpes issue?

This is not about the herpes, your Ils do not respect you as the mother of your child. Now it is kissing, in the future is feeding unwanted food to child or wanting your child to follow their traditions. This is only the beginning.