No kissing my baby

I'm 70, the same generation as your in laws. I have two beautiful granddaughters whom I love to bits. I have only ever kissed them on the top of their heads because I know that cold sores are infectious - even though I very rarely get them. On the one occasion I had one when visiting them I kept my distance and washed my hands constantly.
You are not being unreasonable. I suggest printing an appropriate article and giving it to them.

I gave birth to eldest child prematurely and, as a consequence, immediately developed cold sores. This always happens when temp raised. I was not allowed to touch my baby at all in incubator. Only husband could go do that. I was told that if I touched her, let alone kissed her, she would get the virus from me, It was distressing but worth it, I have only ever kissed my children and grandchildren on top of their heads. NATY don’t do it. We never know when a cold sore is developing until it appears,

I haven't read the whole thread - just to sayNaty you're quite right.
When I was working as an Ed. Psych. one very brain damaged child was like that because of the virus passed on to her from a relative kissing her . Who had a cold sore at the time. I was shocked when told this by the doctor who was looking after her.
In young babies it can have serious consequences.

Well, I hope you will never expect them to look after the baby when you need to. I have friends who babysit their grand-children, and get written lists as long as 3 arms, and tantrums if they don't adhere to the 'instructions' to the minute letter.

Your baby, of course. As for my comment on allergies related to germophobic parents, this is well researched and proven.

I haven't read all the posts because I don't have time. My mother gets cold sores and never kissed my babies or their babies because she knows that it can be passed on. She never drinks from the same glass as anyone else and is scrupulously careful...she is also the most selfish person in the world and even she respects this aspect of her "condition".
Your baby, your rules. You might be overly worried but if this is your baby, I don't blame you really. If you want to be kind in the way you approach this preface your demands with "I might be being over protective but..."

I think you sound like a total nutter - kissing a forehead causing cold sores? A kiss causing tooth decay. God help the poor teachers when your baby starts school - clearly one of THOSE parents.

It's worth realising that children who encounter these viruses early develop effective immune protection of their own but if these viruses are encountered after the main immune development than they will not gain that immunity. Babies certainly need protection but after a year are better to gain their own immunity to bacteria & viruses - that's why vaccines for measles, etc. are given then.

If you are immune and breast feeding, then your immunity, if you have the antibodies, will pass on and alert your babies immune system when the infections are encountered.

Good luck! I'm sure your baby will grow up fit and healthy. Enjoy her.

Naty, I mean this kindly, but I do wonder if you are overthinking this.

Look at your OP. It could be summarised as : 'My IL's carry the herpes virus, and get horrible cold sores. I don't want them to pass this to my baby, so have asked them not to kiss her on the mouth, but they don't seem to understand why I am concerned. WWYD?'

Instead, there is a lot of stuff about fictional friends with meningitis, a SIL denying an incipient cold sore and how you are losing your mind, going on for paragraphs and tying you up in knots.

I think you do have a right to say 'no kissing', and have that be respected, but I also think that your life would be easier if you could chill a bit? Easier said than done, I know, but if you do frankly daft things like invent scenarios that can easily be disproved by anyone with access to google, you are not going to be taken seriously, particularly as you are living in a matriarchal society where Nonna knows best.

You do come across as rather anxious. I don't know if that is just the medium of text, or if it is the way you really are; but if you are on your own for long periods in an alien environment, it wouldn't be surprising if you were. Is it worth having a chat with your doctor? I'm in no way suggesting that problems with in-laws can (or should) be medicated away, but if you are otherwise unusually anxious, it might be worth trying to get to the bottom of that.

The post-natal period can be difficult at the best of times, and when you add in the cultural differences you have a lot on your plate. x

Calling them cold sores is giving them an innocent sounding name. You are absolutely correct, they are indication of activity of the Herpes virus. Cold sores are caused by HERPES SIMPLEX, chicken pox is caused by HERPES ZOSTER which surfaces after infection as shingles and HERPES GENITALIS is the virus surfacing in the groin and genital area. The virus is highly contagious when in it’s active phase, hence cold sores or in the summer, fever blisters. Shingles and chicken pox with genital blisters are all highly contagious. So you are absolutely right no kissing anybody! Babies, toddlers, children or adults with active sores.
For the so called cold sores and fever blisters, Zovirax, a cream OTC from the chemist at first twinge will sort it. For the rest, see your GP, soonest.
So educate older folks and everyone, don’t be shy, just tell it as it is.

Naty,

I hate people are using your being "germophobic" against you, as if you are being irrational.

You are not.

In many adult cases, cold sores in the mouth and lips are hsv2, not hsv1. That is scary!

I rarely get cold sores now but they were a real nuisance in the past. Often appearing just before big occasions. They can be very painful (involves nerve endings) and unsightly. There are ways of avoiding/diminishing them now but possibly an individual thing?

Perhaps you need to take few deep breaths, Naty and possibly precis your posts as they come across as borderline hysterical. Not an atmosphere to inflict on a small baby who will pick up your anxiety.

HOWEVER you are on the right track. First time I came across a family who all kissed on the mouth I was taken aback. Their toddler daughter was badly infected with cold sores up her nose, in her ears and down her throat. Poor little thing lost quite a lot of weight.

Stick with your own instincts. I would suggest kissing on top of the head once the cold sore has gone. Hope your in laws will meet you half way on this!

When my DGD was 2 weeks old I developed a very painful cold sore, the one and only time in my life I have had one. It occurred after flying birds of prey at a centre. DH has always had them and thinks he got them from his mother. I was terrified I’d make DGD ill but despite previous kisses she wasn’t. Apparently the herpes virus can make young babies who have not got a fully functioning immune system really ill.

I totally agree with Naty. Her in-laws sound overbearing and she should make sure the baby is not kissed by them.

I have intermittent cold sores as did my mother. Both sisters 'escaped'!
All 3 AC and 4 GC are free of the blasted virus.

I advocate containment - avoiding direct contact obviously, but also indirect contact. When I have a flareup I am extremely careful to isolate any mugs or glasses as well as towels. When there is no active flareup there is no need for concern.

Dil visited recently while I was 'suffering' and said, very kindly, that she knew I'd understand if she asked me to stay well clear of the baby!
Of course I wasn't offended, respecting her as a mum and a hospital dermatologist!

So Yes to care and consideration but No to obsession!

Naty, I think you are right to think about boundaries and to create the rules for your family that work for you. However, I have read your post and others and as a social psychologist and counsellor, I feel you would benefit from some good old talking therapy as you seem to be demonstrating over-protective and obsessive behaviour. I think your in-laws are Mediterranean - am I right? If so, you could learn a lot from them - you are wrong to scoff at their ideas - drinking water with ice will give you gastro distress/standing in front of a fan can make you ill - actually, these are not crack pot ideas but perfectly sound - they have evidence to back them up - just as you have evidence that cold sores are catching. I agree completely about the lip kissing, but kissing a grandchild on the forehead or the cheek is absolutely fine if there are no cold sores present. I fear that if you do not lighten up you will make a terrible future for yourself and your child. Children need to build up immunity and kissing and being in close contact with other people, with other children, with pets, etc., is the way to do this - read the research.

It is now a well known fact that the cold sore virus can be passed on from one person to another and you should be able to explain this to your in-laws. Maybe find and print some literature online to show them

Small children are vulnerable to infection even more so a five month old baby. I would not care who I upset by saying no to kisses. Your child your choice.

My son suffers from cold sores and I feel sure I passed the virus on to him. These days I'm super careful around my grandchildren. The last time we visited Australia I felt the familiar tingling on my top lip and started using Zovirax (I never leave home without it) on the flight but it didn’t help and by the time we arrived a had a large ugly sore which took three weeks to settle down. No kissing on arrival and none until it was completely gone and even then I only ever kissed them on the top of the head. I wish I had known when my son was small. I might have prevented him from getting them. He never kisses his daughters or anyone else when he has one! As far as I'm concerned you are doing the right thing Naty

Hi there
Don't overthink this. You are entitled to put in place any rules which you have. Simply because this is your baby and you want the best. And on top of that it's not easy being mum having the responsibility upon your shoulders.
To a degree I get you as instinctively we all want to cuddle and kiss babies and if that's not what you want than you need to address it which you have.
Is this rule just as a baby? I'm not sure nan and grandad would be able to go forever without kissing their grandchild.

I think you and your baby should move to an isolated spot where she won’t come into contact with any germ bearing humans and then you can relax!

It's your baby and entitled to set limits. X

70 years ago my own mother suffered from cold sores. Even back then she knew that they were contagious and never kissed me on the mouth. Who does that to a baby anyway!?
Consequently I did not catch them and have never suffered.
Can't you find something about it, NHS online? print it out and give them all a copy?

I have the cold sore virus in one eye, that flares up now and then when I'm stressed, every time I have the active virus it causes scaring,I now have very poor vision in that eye. I don't get them any where else, I have two small dgc and never kiss them if my virus is active, and never kiss them on the lips anyway, just in case.Your doing the right thing, in trying to protect your baby as much as possible, I don't blame you, it is a nasty virus, and much worse than a lot of people think.

So, naty, you now have the affirmation you needed. How are you going to proceed?

I know that a long time ago people weren't aware like they are now, Dragonlover

Yes, chris8888! I would rather be direct than cringe every time I see them. I'd rather not limit the time my baby spends with them, either due to unexplained expectations.