Hello everyone. Am I being unreasonable? I've issued a blanket rule to both my own family and my husband's:
No kissing my baby! She's 5 months old.
Here goes:
My husband's family has a tendency of getting cold sores...very rarely..BUT his sister is affected very regularly...severely! Almost every week in the winter, and every time I see them, I scheme and plot to hold my baby and NOT pass her around since I've never had an open dialogue with her or his family about it. I feel stressed, sweaty and shaky whenever she's around my baby with an outbreak because of this.
If my own sister got cold sores, I'd be free to say "Hey, please don't kiss the baby." Or "Hey...be careful she doesnt touch your mouth, okay?" ...because my baby is reaching and touching people's mouths a lot now and putting her hand in her own mouth right after. I had no idea before having a child, but swapping saliva with a young child is a cause of tooth decay and premature dental issues as well..their mouths just can't handle it.
In order to keep myself from losing my mind, I've told everyone via whatsapp message and in person not to kiss my baby. Nobody has ever kissed my baby's mouth. Ever.
My husband's sister kissed her on the forehead and had a cold sore coming the other week. I spotted the redness and when I gently questioned her, almost whispering "you aren't getting a cold sore, are you?"
She said "no...why??? " and then her hand shot up to her mouth and she jumped back..then sat down...it was obvious she'd just forgotten she was getting one at the time.... but my husband's family doesn't talk about a lot of things directly, so it's that much harder for me....
The last time I saw her, that very same redness had turned into a very big cold sore.
This situation has been stressing me out, so I took matters into my own hands as my husband in this regard is pretty useless and
I have explained to his incredulous parents that saliva can get into a baby's mucous membranes (she rubs her own face a lot and can wipe saliva into her eyes, nose and mouth from cheek kisses) even when they are asymptomatic (i.e. not showing any signs of herpes) and cause my baby to get it. At this age, it can be super detrimental to her health.
My beloved MIL said her husband doesn't get them. She flat out lied or she's cherry picking facts. He does get them. HE even said so during that very same conversation. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone where denial is better than fact.
They tried to change the subject but I stood my ground. My husband backed me up and said "Do you understand, mom? No kisses for the baby."
She reluctantly agreed to our request.
His parents had no idea (and still don't believe) that it was even contagious and say it's from stress and not a virus. They are in their 70s, so perhaps they don't know it's initiated by a virus first, and then stays in your system forever.
Anyway, I'm getting reading material on it from gov website and the hospital so they finally believe it. They encouraged me to ask the pediatrician to make sure.
I'm not sure what his sister thinks (I haven't talked to her about it because I don't want her to feel bad AT ALL! Her own 3 kids don't get it, so SHE must know it's contagious. I don't want to alienate her or anybody...just want to keep my baby safe.
My own family understands and is going along willingly. The in-laws, however are trying to say that herpes isn't contagious and that it's from stress.
They've obviously UNknowingly infected their own children when they were young, as their adult kids have had cold sores since childhood (my husband says so). I don't want them infecting my child out of ignorance.
When I decided to finally bring it up to his parents, I made up a phantom friend who almost lost her child to meningitis brought on by herpes because I knew they'd be incredulous. They told me "no..not herpes! Herpes can't do that." I said very pointedly that it can cause blindness in babies, meningitis and encephalitis. I know that these are rare complications, but my child is STILL very vulnerable.
So I have said NO kisses for baby! They've reluctantly agreed, but I feel like the bad guy.
For the record: I do not have HSV1, but I kiss my baby on the head or anywhere else she can't transfer the saliva into her mouth (rarely do I kiss her face, but I'm extravagantly affectionate in other ways). My husband is well aware of the risks, and does the same. Am I being unreasonable?
Thank you.
