GS aged 16 pressurised by SIL and DD

No say nothing in case it backfires on you. Just give your Grandson a lot of love and leave the door open for him to talk. Sometimes Grandparents can gently guide them in the right direction with out taking sides against the parents.

In my family, it would be possible to gently point out to DD that her brother had been exactly like her son at the same age.

I would not hesitate to mention that too much criticism is just as unhelpful as none.

I agree - just let it go. My brother was a notorious procrastinator. Honestly, he would take a break after PRINTING OFF his lessons (we were in an online school). Dad used to get very frustrated with him. Dad likes to tell the story about one time when he said to brother, "Look at your desk! It's a mess!" Brother responded, "Well, your desk is messy too!" Dad said he had to admit, brother had him there. But brother always got his work in, and got excellent grades (graduated valedictorian). Eventually Dad learned that brother had his own way of doing things, and Dad had to just let him do it his way.

I think keep out of it although perhaps it depends on how well you get on with your daughter and son-in-law.

I hope all goes well for your grandson. One of my children was disorganised at this stage and things went fine.

I'm a new grandma of a one year old. Isn't it a minefield! We don't say anything. Our DIL is vegan since about 4 years . They are bringing baby up same. We don't interfere. It's their baby. She seems to be thriving so that's all we worry about.... at the moment !

Don’t say anything at all, only if asked. It could backfire on you in the future.

In front of his parents i would pay him the compliment of being just like his uncle - especially as you say uncle has done OK

how did you know who ecogranny was talking about.I have read all the comments on this and cannot see how you could know who ecogranny is never mind who her niece is.

My 16 year old is also disorganised,but when it comes down to doing the tests,or projects,or exams,he gets there in his own time,own way of 'organising' himself,and is doing well so far.

16 is still a young age and its 'transitional' from being a child,to an adult ( kidults i believe they're called?) So its all new to him,i would imagine,this new world where tutors try to treat them more like adults,yet in the mindset its still 'like school' so maybe his parents see him more as a 'grown up' now,but hes still young and learning,not a grown up at all,they need to give him time to mature into the role,and not expect too much of him yet.But try not to criticize their parenting of him,just 'reminice' over your own son being that way,&" say well he turned out ok"& then your daughter may remember,& stop& think.and ease up on him a bit.let it sink in.

And Ecogranny,im not clear on how what you said in the card criticizes how your brother brings up his children? (slightly insensitive but well meaning though it may have been)

Yes Dillyduck,thats the problem sometimes,the schools& colleges dont tell kids the right information they need- thats been a problem for both my sons,one doesnt write enough,and one waffles on too long then runs out of time in exams!

Yes just support him all you can,and maybe when parents criticize him just point out to your daughter how her brother was like that,remember? She may have forgotten& may take comfort from that.it will all be new for him yet& itl be a lot to remember,but by end of first yr its all 'staying in' & 2nd year should start to get easier for him as hes adjusted to it all.Also,check with GS hes definately on the right course FOR HIM,not what his parents think he should be doing,as it makes all the difference- if hes not doing something he enjoys he wont want to be diligent about it.and he'l do less& less and its going to be harder maybe for him to keep up.My son was worried wether he could do university as hes got a slight disability,but he chose something hes really interested in and its made a huge difference- not only is he 'managing' hes doing much better than some of the others in his project group!My younger son also is doing well in first year of college,because hes doing a course he loves.So long as hes doing something he himself has chosen im sure he'l be fine.

Its a GRANDSON Iam64

I agree with Busset135.

Yor GS is doing fine and has good reports. It's not his performance that's at stake.

So in passing, when next with your DD and GS is rushing about, you can laugh and recollect how her brother was just like that at his age. And if you get into a conversation, you can make a comment something like "it's a wonder young people know what day it is really … I keep hearing things on the news about how hard it is for them these days with changes to school examinations etc." it may land on stony ground, but if your GS is there he might appreciate it if he finds his parents' approach a bit stifling.

Apologies, I posted in the wrong thread!
I have requested a delete

When my daughter has a pop at grandaughter I say oh, just like you
She looks at me with a quizzical look and says did i

Keep out of it. It used to annoy me intensely when my DM used to interfere with the upbringing of my DC often undermining me.

I’m sorry but I agree with ecogranny.
I don't think all this pushing for amazing results is at all helpful. They are either driven or they’re not.
I am a dance teacher and I see my students dropping all their classes and getting more and more het up as the exams approach.
I tell them that they have done their best and that whatever the outcome and results, their parents will still love them and their friends will still be their friends.
Of my 6 children only 2 have a degree, and one of those was completed when she was 35. They all have their own businesses and I am very proud of them all. I think too much is made of university and a degree these days.
Just my opinion though.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Could you give examples how gs is ditzy and disorganized?
How did you manage your son and how did he get over it?

Apart from commenting on his good points and successes which you would do anyway.

[gasp] that's so why posters should be so careful what they divulge on here!

Say nothing!
Some people are and always will be disorganised but succeed despite that.

Ignore me!! Didn’t read properly

@ecogranny

I don’t believe it. Your Gd is at my dentist practise. Bristol. I won’t say full name or practise. Yes?

I now know she did appallingly in her exams. You should be more discrete about family members