Partner objects to grandchildren being around so much

Thank you so much everyone more discussions on way and I’ll let you know what happens

I agree with Sarah65 young children are challenging if you are unused to them. It does seem as if he is not even trying to accommodate them though. You do need a frank discussion on this Lulu maybe some compromise but don't let it cause a rift with your family.

Well I completely agree that your family should come first, no question.

But I know men, who find children really challenging, my own son, who has no children, finds his nieces and nephews very trying, I also work with a man who really dislikes being around them. It doesn’t make your partner bad, but it does seem you’re rather incompatible, and this is sure to put a big strain on you.

If you can’t talk honestly about it, and make some compromises, I would think you’re relationship is probably doomed. But don’t give up before you’ve really tried, he must have lots of good points.

I see both sides. YES, I know I am selfish!

My bloke adores my grandson (he has no grandchildren of his own). He leaps at spending time with him and me. It is one of the nicest things about him, in my opinion. Grandson loves him as well. He won't, however, spend time with my daughter, because she's been a cow to him in the past. Fair enough I think.

HOWEVER (selfish, remember). I am not overly keen on spending time with HIS adult children. In my (slight) defense, this is based on them being shi**y to me in the past BUT I know I'm wrong. I DO spend time in their company, attend family events etc, but I don't enjoy it.

You need to sit this man-child down and tell him his choices.

He sounds like my ex! Very possessive, very mardy and could sulk for England! He would ignore my parents when they visited, often turning up the tv to drown out conversation, only ever wanted to visit his side of the family at Christmas etc, refused to go to weddings/christenings and when our own babies came along he resented and objected to the amount of time I had to dedicate to them! Hence, he's now my EX! Show you man the way out! How could he possibly not realise that you would be so close to your AC and GC?

Sorry, but no man would come between me and my children/grandchildren.

He's the one who is being unreasonable; he shouldn't make you feel guilty, or make you choose. You are doing nothing wrong, he however, is acting like a spoilt child.

That's sad. My second husband loves my gc and treats them as his own. They were born after we married and we were invited to the hospital within a few hours of them being born so that might make a difference.

My daughter totally trusts him with them and he was left looking after them for several hours when the youngest was tiny, while we all went to a family funeral.

I sympathise with both of you. When you got together, he knew you had a family and naturally they would be a big part of your life.
It's unreasonable, though, to expect him to treat them as part of HIS family. For him to spend the day somewhere else when your family visit is quite an acceptable thing to do.
However, to complain that you don't care about him is childish nonsense.

You are not a good match

He has a daughter but no gc x

Thank you x

I think you have answered your own point. Your family mean a lot to you and it is not relaxing to be on tenterhooks in case partner is offended/fed up/trying to compete with children. Could you go back to living apart perhaps? Having said that it is exhausting having small children all day and for children under 4/5 it is full on all the time. Perhaps not so much with a 9 year old. Today we have had 21 month old (unplanned as childminder has norovirus) from 7am and 6 year old and almost 3 year old from noon and we are now collapsed exhausted drinking wine! All of them want Papa all the time and the 2 littlies now compete for toys/attention and everything else! DH is happy to oblige but now knackered and I can see if you are not used to children it might be difficult to adjust.

I can't stand men who sulk or have tantrums about not coming first in a competition for attention. Your family is a vital part of the package that you're part of. If he doesn't like that, he needs to go, and stay gone.

If the relationship matters, a satisfactory compromise can be reached. If you have not had children and grandchildren, other people's children can be very verwhelming .

My DD chose not to marry or have children. When her niece and nephew were small, she loved them, but found more than about an hour at a time in their presence was overwhelming and on several family holidays when they were small, we used to make sure that DD got several hours a day to herself away from the children. Now they are older and less all over her, she can be comfortable with them as she is with adults, but for someone nt used to children, they can be overwhelming, especially young ones.

Thank you everyone you have clarified what I have been feeling. I think
Over the next week or so some very frank discussions will be taking place so pleased I asked for the advice as was starting to think I shouldn’t be feeling so strongly about my family x

I put a man before my son.....never again your kids grandkids will always be with you men nope!!!he has to appreciate they come as part of you god one night in 7 boo hoo go to bed early out way or actually find something u can all do go for a meal at a kid friendly pub drive for a icecream go for a walk if hes not willing to put in a effort on occasions I'd say he doesn't love you darl get rid xx

He is jealous of the attention you are giving to your family
This is not good
Is he a controlling man?

I’m
Beginning to think that way to be honest x

Thank you I agree x

Sounds as if he really isn’t the man for you, sadly.
The situation won’t just clear up or go away.He wants a woman in his life who has no commitments or loyalty to her family, and he won’t stay to help you or have fun with the children.
Either accept that’s the way he will always be ( and he can go and have weekends with his parents whilst you enjoy seeing the grandchildren) or decide that living with him is a mistake.

Hi thank you. He is currently at his parents as we are having a break as I’m not sure if I can continue like this. He is always very negative whereas I am the opposite and it is dragging me down. He does have one daughter who is on her own with no children and he sees her regularly or when she wants to meet up. I’m at a loss as hate to choose between them but feel like I’m being forced

Thank you so much he says he feels overwhelmed by them and won’t get involved

Dont put this man over your children or grand children please let him go and u he there fir your family sod him xx

He's in the wrong. A calm and full discussion is needed. He knew you had three children when he met you.