DIL disappearrs to her parents all the time

Thanks for the update. It sounds like something that the 2 of them need to work out between them in order to reach a compromise that works as far as possible for both of them and their joint income.

OP,

If your son is so stressed, he could sit down with his wife and agree on the budget - with or without her coffees

I wouldn't a person like you taking care of my child so "I pull my weight and contribute"
You clearly do not like your dil. I bet you also do not approve of her parenting, for example.

Your son doesn't help with childcare his son - he is parenting his son.
I hate the word "help" when it comes to a male doing his share of the work.

I still say back off. Like 100 ft off. Let them fix it by themselves.
If your son complains to you, tell him to address it with his wife.

You are not part of their marriage. Step back. You have no voice in their marriage. Just another meddling mil who complains how her baby boy is being mistreated by his wife.

I'm forever grateful that my DILs put up with my sons!

It sounds as if your son is doing far too much moaning to you or else how else would you know what she spends when she goes out She could go out to lunch and only have one coffee so you are either guessing or having your ear pulled
The very best advice you can give is to tell him to sort the budget out with his wife HIMSELF

I don’t think she will earn anything like what he does
if my son was earning a good salary it wouldn’t be an issue but he isnt
Don’t get me wrong her not working is not a problem
these are all statements opposing each other
It costs her £60 to visit her parents for five days but then she’s not eating at home or using the electricity gas or going out to lunch so should equal that out

You re not keen on her are you ? Let them sort themselves out

Your son doesn't have a pint with friends? Order take out for dinner when wife is not there?
Eats out instead of taking lunch from home?

So Grandma is unhappy at the time her DIL is spending with her Mum, how does everyone else feel? We're not told are we?
Has Meet's son expressed unhappiness about the mini breaks, or is his she transferring her own feelings onto him? It needs to be made clear (to us if we are to offer any help, but mainly between the daughter who is homesick and missing her Mum and the son.
In three short years the child will be at school and the overnight stays will have to stop anyway.
Please Meet back off and don't venture into the 'interfering MIL' territory - you are bigger than this.

All families are different, and some are very, very close.

It's lovely for them, I think, but difficult to understand for a lot of people, as are most other people's families.

Stay out of it. Their marriage, their issue. If she wants to spend time with her folks, that’s her right and between her and her husband. If he’s running to you to tattle I can’t imagine she’d be interested in working on anything with him.

I wish there was a button to press on here that said "I agree" (not like the silly "like" of Facebook.)
I agree!

It’s interesting reading some of these posts that the implication appears to be the man is being disloyal to his wife by talking to his mum but the wife is getting support by talking to her mum. Double standards and gender stereotyping.

There is nothing posted that suggests the wife is complaining to her mum about her DH instead of sorting things out with him.

Just that she's spending time with her.

Its not double standards because ita not the same thing!

Read some of the posts - she’s spending time with her mum because she’s unhappy, he could be bullying her, she’s lonely, she’s unhappy...it’s ok for her to go to her mum’s for five days every three weeks and presumably offload about how unhappy she is (as per these posts) but not ok for her son to talk to his mum.

There is no evidence that she’s offloading to her mom, albeit the speculation to that end. We do know however that the husband is whinging to his mommy. None of this is the OPs business or problem.

And I wouldn’t like being forced back to work to essentially allow my MiL to be a SAHM to my child. I can’t imagine any mother would.

Of course there’s no evidence - that would only be available if she or her mum came on here. I’d be very surprised if a woman who was being bullied or was so unhappy in her marriage as has been implied on here wasn’t complaining to her mum about it - who in turn is simply supporting her daughter through this very difficult, lonely period.

I agree the OP shouldn’t get involved and I think the couple have a lot to discuss about their roles and responsibilities within the relationship, but I don’t think that it’s unreasonable for a man to complain about issues in his relationship when I imagine most of us on here have at some point berated our DHs to our mums.

OP it sounds good that your son can vent to you.
Perhaps you feel like you are missing out as the other parents see your grandchild more often
If your son really is concerned and isn't just venting to mum he needs to bring it up with his wife .
To be honest I think my son and Dil would both love that small break.
She would be spoilt and someone else would help with the child . Possible mum would cook etc. Son would get some good nights sleep
My Dil occasionally goes to her parents when grandson is particularly a handful. It is nice to have a break .

SirChenjin re your post last night - there is NOTHING in any of meet's posts that says her DIL is unhappy though I get that you are reiterating the various comments made. The son is unhappy, meet is unhappy and says the marriage is in trouble, but NO comment about DIL being unhappy.
It is really frustrating when posters pile in with their advice without having properly understood what has been said.

DIL is enjoying spending time with her parents she will only be able to do this until the child goes to nursery .As for the financial side it's up to your son to sort it out out of interest do you and DIL spend anytime together if not could this be a little bit of jealousy of their close knit family

GrannyLaine - yes, I am reiterating what other posters have implied and as such hope that you aren’t accusing me of not understanding and of piling in.

Not at all SirChenjin though I might not have made that clear. My apologies, you are definitely not a "piler in"

Thanks for clarifying that GrannyLaine

Why is this your business?

From your original post meet it does sound like you are annoyed at your Daughter in Law for not working she does not work nd does not want to work.

So I think maybe your son has been chewing your ear off about it? Going away, spending money they can't afford etc etc.

Only thing is...it really does not have anything to do with you. He is a man with a family and as such instead of asking what you can do, I would be telling my son to sort his own problems out. IF he doesn't like it...then he has to speak with his wife about it.

You say you wonder if the marriage is worth anything to her? Do you know IF your son has spoken to her about his feelings? For all we know she could think he is totally happy with her going to see her parents?

Either way..... this is something for husband and wife to come to agreement over and definitely not mum.

You sound so interfering. Mind your own business.

Your son is an adult I assume? Let him sort his own domestic arrangements out.

This young mother is seeing her Mum every few months - in a block of days - obviously they don't live close to each other.

I saw my Mum every week - ie 4 times a month. (That is 12 times in three months)This young lady sees hers 5 times in 3 months, in a block of 5 solid days. Seems reasonable.

No-one has said the son is complaining to his Mum - do sons do this? I never hear husbands complaining about their wives in public (unless the marriage is really toxic) like I hear it the other way round (wives complaining about DH). The worst I tend to hear is a remark like 'Women!"

I'd like meet to come back and explain to us why she asked her original question ...... and to look to herself for the answer. Unless the husband is really unhappy about the situation, there isn't a "situation". Has the husband expressed a wish for her to return to work? - we aren't told.

Another question - how many times a week does meet see her son?

She’s going to see her mum every three weeks and staying for five days - not every few months