Feeling hurt, should I say something?

Is she in the menopause because it can make you really antisocial

As Michelle Obahma says "when they go low you go high" ignore her it's her shame not yours . No point in asking her why she wont tell you or she'll blame you and your brother will defend her because shes his wife and as a rule (bit of a generalization I admit ) men want quiet lives....just saying

I would try to talk to her, if there is an issue would be better to clear the air.

I would just let it go, FB causing trouble again!, look on it as sisters having a day out nothing more. Enjoy the party this coming weekend. Interesting to see if the day out is mentioned at all by anybody, not you.

Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you are upset by trying to address her attitude. Your DN is 21 and it was her 'do'. Why not mention to her you noticed the picture and you didn't know about the event. It may have been a surprise event to her but surely she would notice you weren't there. DN is an adult and must have some thoughts on why you are ignored or treated the way you are by her mother. Other than that ignore the nasty SiL.

Look up “medium chill” on the FOG website. It’s an excellent strategy for helping you protect yourself whilst not being confrontational. Takes some practice but really works.

that's just what I was going to say JulieMM Mon 03-Feb-20 11:36:15
Could be jealousy.

I shall go to the party on Saturday and hold my head up high
That’s the way, mamma66
I hope you have a lovely time.

Thank you to all of you in taking the time to comment, it has really helped me to decide what to do.

I was hurt because I was the only aunt not to be invited, but the others are my SIL’s sisters.

I have lovely relationships with my nieces and nephews and have decided that I do not want wish to jeopardise this. If I were to try to resolve things with my SIL and it backfired I would not want this to impact on my relationship with them.

I have decided that behaving with good grace and rising above it will be my strategy. I will continue to make every effort to see my brother and nieces and nephews and remain courteous to my SIL. I don’t want there to be any division in the family. I don’t want to put any additional pressure on my older brother who has a lot on his plate at the moment.

Whilst I can be tactless, I have done a bit of soul searching and I genuinely don’t think this is down to me.

I shall go to the party on Saturday and hold my head up high.

Thank you once again for your replies.

Different groups have different dynamics and in laws are different to people that you have known from birth. I think that you are seeing something that isn't there. You have been invited to the party that everyone is going to but not to a gathering of immediate family.
Either post something light but friendly on the facebook post or ignore it an enjoy the party.

I would ask her what her problem is, might as well get it out in the open. If you are only included in selective events maybe refuse the next invite. I found out what my husbands daughters really thought of me after 30 years of entertaining them and lending them money including the ex wife. Now I know the truth I regret ever marrying him and wish he would leave but he won't as he wants half the house and half my pension despite the fact I have paid the mortgage and all the bills ever since we have been together. So it is better to find out sooner rather than later if this means you lose contact with your brother so be it as he obviously sides with his wife and not you.

Ignore.
You've got better things to do.
Others have probably noticed also.
She'll get her comeuppance. As long as you're there to enjoy it :-))

Why on earth do people use Face Book?
If you don’t use it you can’t get upset by what is on it.

Who was in charge of the preparations and guest list for the party?

Nothing like Gransnet for umbrage-taking, is there?
I feel some posters have blown this up out of all proportion and are making OP feel even worse.
The OP has been invited to the main party, for goodness sake.
So her niece had a day out with her cousins and invited her mum and the cousins’ mums (as far as I can make out).
What is there to get so het up about?

But why look at things rationally, when you can take offence, feel hurt and make yourself miserable?

My SIL is like that, she has taken away a once loving BIL, made worse after my separated husband died. She has alienated her own son and grandson, that they have no idea where they have moved to. We only know because we had an old email address. They have not been to either weddings or Christenings of 3 grandchildren. They are the ones missing out. I only hope I am informed if one dies so that we can represent my husband's family x

Can you speak to your brother about it.mamma66.perhaps he can show some light on the situation. Otherwise ask her, put her on the spot.

I agree with Rosina and others. This confronting idea rarely works and can just deepen problems. Is it hurtful and it's hard to stop the puzzle going round in your head. yu will just have to push that cloud away in a mindfulway.

I agree with others who say you can’t alter her bad attitude but you can modify your own.

I also feel that your neice whose 21st birthday celebration it was, is old enough to choose who she wants to join her on such an occasion. And therefore she must accept the lions share of responsibility in not inviting you and leaving you out. Shame on her.

She’s ‘21’ for goodness sake........time she grew up and acted like a caring adult.

I fear her mother’s bad attitude has rubbed off on her. There was no other excuse!!!!

Great advice. I only recently joined gransnet but have found it so helpful. Who needs counselling when this is available!!

I see this has hurt you - and you cannot know what is in your SIL's mind. As others have said, it is important to know what is you and what is not you - we need to be first honest with ourselves. Then the important thing is to behave in a way you feel comfortable with and is 'the real you' - so don't retaliate with a mean response (and you are not suggesting that), but be calm and courteous. If she says something upsetting it is OK (if time and place are appropriate) to say calmly "when you said that .......I felt (hurt/attacked/blamed or whatever)......I'd like (you to explain what you really meant/you to tell me if I've upset you/is there an issue I could solve, or whatever)....what do you think? But in the end she is who she is and you are yourself - you don't need to carry her baggage. I hope you enjoy the party!

I think that it's obvious that you would not have had a pleasant time so it's just as well that you were invited. I would just be lovely and pleasant to everyone. She's not going to change and I would avoid her as much as possible. At family occasions I would rise above any little digs. Without knowing more I would guess that she is jealous of you for some obscure reason. Can't choose your relatives, just have to manage them.

Invite your niece out for lunch or an outing& have a lovely treat just the two of you. Forget the sister-in-law and her horrid behaviour towards you- karma will come back to bite her. Don’t let her nastiness affect your life. Stay in contact with your brother though so as she hasn’t driven your relationship apart. Don’t give her the satisfaction of humiliating you again by calling her out on her behaviour, ignore her.

Did you comment on the post on FB? If not, then you could comment nicely saying you were glad to see your niece had such a good time and how much you are looking forward to seeing her at the party this weekend. No sarcasm, no side! Yes, it hurts that you were not invited but the important thing here, going forward, is your relationship with your niece as there's probably not a lot you can do to rescue your relationship with your sil, even if you wanted to!

I like Granbabies' idea of inviting your niece out for a special afternoon tea too. You need to concentrate on shoring up and continuing to build your relationships with your nieces and nephews if your sil is actively not going to encourage them; your brother doesn't sound a strong enough character to intervene on your behalf.

Oh, and be careful about the being tactless too. We usually don't realise we've been tactless until someone points it out, but you are already aware of this trait in yourself so can do something about it.

I too would ignore it.
You don’t say in your OP what they did on the day out, but maybe it was something they thought you wouldn’t like.
I have 2 SiL’s. We sometimes have a weekend away with husbands/partners.
My 2 SiLs go on holiday together without partners but have never invited me.
Am I bothered?
No.