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How much to give?

(38 Posts)
ecci53 Mon 10-Feb-20 12:55:52

We've been invited to DH's goddaughter wedding, who we haven't seen for many years. They don't want presents but are asking for money, as contributions towards a big 'something' they will choose to buy. I don't have any idea how much to give. DH thinks £20, which I feel is not enough. Any advice gratefully received, thanks.

Maggiemaybe Tue 11-Feb-20 09:46:16

How very sad if people are expected to cover their plates nowadays. My DC have had very different weddings, from a castle to a barn to a very basic registry office. They’ve been appreciative of (and thanked people properly for) any gifts given, whatever the cost, and I haven’t noticed that one has got more than another because they’ve chosen a more lavish celebration. Guests have been invited because they wanted them there to share the day, not because of what they can give.

Perhaps some people should just set up a payment kiosk at the door of the venue and have done with it?

PernillaVanilla Tue 11-Feb-20 09:30:56

A thoughtful gift? It might seem thoughtful to the giver but my mother had a cupboard full of china pigeons and other very strange things, including hideous vases. Obviously our family had terrible taste and not much idea of what was useful as 30 years later I was given pink flannelette sheets and an assortment of decanters from people who had paid no regard to the list (which contained a lot of inexpensive items). I think it is far easier to give money, and I'd much prefer to do that than have to order a present. With money you know that whatever it is spent on will be something that brings the couple some pleasure.

BlueSapphire Tue 11-Feb-20 09:12:41

Have been invited to the wedding of a niece this summer, but won't be able to go as I shall be on holiday. Haven't seen this niece since DD's wedding eight years ago, and before that it was 2001 at another family wedding. Apart from that have had no contact from her at all, but I do send her birthday and Christmas cards every year.
Was wondering what to do about a gift, but think it will be money, so will probably split the difference and send £75. (Her elder sister got £50 from us 20 years ago, and still waiting for the thank you for it...).

Curlywhirly Tue 11-Feb-20 07:13:29

I usually give £100 if going to the whole wedding; if just going to the evening 'do', then £25.00 voucher.

Nansnet Tue 11-Feb-20 06:13:05

I've been to a few wedding in the last couple of years, and usually give 50 pounds. If it's someone who was very close to me, I'd give more. I think the 'covering the cost of your plate' is a cultural thing, certainly where I live anyway. It was never a British thing, but maybe these days with weddings being so expensive, some people expect it. Still, I'd just give whatever I could afford. It's up to the couple whether they have a lavish wedding reception, or a buffet in the local pub.

Grannytomany Mon 10-Feb-20 23:01:30

I’m surprised about all the ‘covering your plate’ suggestion as I haven’t come across it before. Not sure I agree it with either. Most guests have no say about the size and lavishness of a wedding and I don’t think it’s right to expect or give a present which is in line with the cost of the wedding.

A wedding invitation can be a costly thing to receive (apart from the gift) because of clothes, transport, accommmodation and so on so I think it should be completely up to the guest how much they spend on a present. People’s pockets aren’t the same depth!

I don’t think I’d give more than £50 to someone I had no real regular contact with and probably less.

Callistemon Mon 10-Feb-20 22:59:23

Good post gillybob, very true indeed.

gillybob Mon 10-Feb-20 22:47:51

Give how much you can afford to give. It’s really pointless asking others how much they think is appropriate as £10 to one person might feel like £100 or more to someone else.

Where I live average wages are very low and people just don’t expect so much.

The lucky couple should not judge who gave how much but be happy that a few people gave what they could.

Tangerine Mon 10-Feb-20 22:46:02

Between £30 and £50.

Kittye Mon 10-Feb-20 22:42:54

When we go to weddings we have to take into account cost of two nights hotel, two nights dog care ( at one time for three dogs!) plus new clothes and wedding present.

Naty Mon 10-Feb-20 22:28:35

Farmor15 do realize a person has to die for that to happen...hmm

Naty Mon 10-Feb-20 22:24:34

Cover your plates. Take the venue into account. Has she sent a menu card? How much would you pay for the food. Anything she's serving, you should try to cover. That's the rule of thumb. If you can't afford it and don't really care about her that much, just don't go and save your money.

Farmor15 Mon 10-Feb-20 22:22:50

In Ireland I think average gift is €100 per person, so €200 from couple, but it would depend on your circumstances. It's very expensive to be invited to a wedding - funerals are much better - no presents, no special clothes, don't have very late night and loud music that you have to tolerate at weddings! But may get nice meal (quite common in Ireland to be offered full 3 course dinner after a funeral) and have a good chat.

Sara65 Mon 10-Feb-20 22:21:07

Some friends of ours were explained to very politely that they would not be invited to a relatives wedding. The reason, each guest was costing £300 per head, including food, travelling between venues etc. So they were only inviting people who they considered would probably spend an equivalent amount on a present.

My friend said they did right, they would never have considered spending that much.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 22:17:48

All the more reason to have a low key wedding. Often wonder after say 10 years of marriage, how many of the guests the bridal couple still keep in touch with or see anything of?

Ellianne Mon 10-Feb-20 22:09:47

I guess with the average wedding meal and drinks costing around £100 per person it seems mean not to give generously. Prices for wedding venues are crazy these days.

Sara65 Mon 10-Feb-20 22:07:54

We didn’t have much of a wedding, so not much in the way of presents. I remember a candlewick bed spread in a lurid green. A pair of pillowcases, some sort of swan shaped dishes, and that was about it. Not that we were expecting anything at all.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 21:30:47

Gone are the days when you were given a Pyrex dish or a pair of pillowcases. I suppose years ago it was all about setting up a home from scratch.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 21:28:10

Wow, some of you are much more generous than me, £100, £250. Glad I don’t get invited to weddings nowadays.

ecci53 Mon 10-Feb-20 20:37:42

Thank you for the suggestions. They definitely want money as they have provided bank account details to do a bank transfer.

Ellianne Mon 10-Feb-20 19:27:44

We give £50 each, so as a couple £100. Sometimes we gift it as traveller's cheques if it is for a honeymoon abroad.

Hetty58 Mon 10-Feb-20 18:55:43

I'd rather give money as it saves a shopping trip and they can get what they really want or spend it on the honeymoon. Weddings are so expensive.

Just give what you can afford, there's no set amount. I'd usually give £100 unless it was closer family, then maybe £250. A goddaughter is (or should be) closer, though. My godparents were always very involved, helpful and generous.

rosecarmel Mon 10-Feb-20 18:54:35

100 if I don't attend, 200 if I do- Check/cash or in gifts if they're registered somewhere-

JOJO60 Mon 10-Feb-20 18:48:45

I dont agree with asking for money either, it takes away the feeling that you are giving a thoughtful gift. If it is a young couple starting out I would give store vouchers so they can buy something they need. But I have been to 2 weddings recently, both middle aged couples with their own homes, and requesting donations for the honeymoons. I didn't do that because I know they both have several foreign holidays per year so why should I pay for another one. Instead I bought them both a piece of crystal as a memento of their big day and both have since said how much they appreciate it.

MissAdventure Mon 10-Feb-20 18:40:27

£40 sounds about right to me.