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How much to give?

(37 Posts)
ecci53 Mon 10-Feb-20 12:55:52

We've been invited to DH's goddaughter wedding, who we haven't seen for many years. They don't want presents but are asking for money, as contributions towards a big 'something' they will choose to buy. I don't have any idea how much to give. DH thinks £20, which I feel is not enough. Any advice gratefully received, thanks.

Oopsminty Mon 10-Feb-20 12:59:53

We had a similar situation a couple of years ago

We gave £50

I'm sure she'll be grateful for whatever you give though

PernillaVanilla Mon 10-Feb-20 12:59:59

I'd say around £50, especially as she is a goddaughter. if you really can't afford that don't feel guilty about sending less.

Sussexborn Mon 10-Feb-20 13:03:32

I would go along with £50 nowadays if you can afford it.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 13:12:10

I’m sure £50 is the going rate, but makes me wonder how much you’re expected to contribute if it’s someone closer. If the OP’s DH hasn’t seen his god daughter for years, they’re obviously not particularly close. And so many people nowadays are not remotely religious, so being a god parent is no longer what it was.

FearlessSwiftie Mon 10-Feb-20 14:11:28

The statement Calendargirl made is a good one. Today being a god someone doesn't mean as much as it used to.

Humbertbear Mon 10-Feb-20 14:12:17

You give what you can afford. When we got married (along time ago) one rand made gave us 50p and we bought a tin tray which we still treasure

Sara65 Mon 10-Feb-20 14:29:56

One of my daughters had a holiday job in the wedding list department of a well known store. She always found it really sad when people came in and couldn’t really afford anything. Just give what you can afford, I’m sure they’ll be grateful.

lilypollen Mon 10-Feb-20 15:27:42

To be honest I dislike the way gifts for weddings have now turned into a request for money. I accept that most people already have a home but offer a choice between money and say, JL vouchers. I think for someone you know well £50 but as goddaughter hasn't been seen for many years £30.

Nannarose Mon 10-Feb-20 17:25:45

There's a relatively recent but widely accepted idea that you should at least "cover your plate". I have found it a useful guide in such situations. If you have a general idea of the kind of reception, then imagine what you would have paid in a restaurant.
More difficult if you have little discretionary spends, but that's where I'd begin.

BlueBelle Mon 10-Feb-20 17:35:32

I don’t like this money thing either When my friend got married she asked for money for their honeymoon She was divorced a year later
I think £50 is a lot if you don’t have much or any contact with her go in the middle £30
I had another friend who had lived with her chap a few years said they didn’t need anything and would everyone give to a charity of their choice I liked that
I also had a friend and for her 50th wedding anniversary they had a big party and had a bucket fir donations for our local community theatre

BBbevan Mon 10-Feb-20 18:03:26

We went to a friend’s daughters’s wedding recently. We are close to the mother but not the daughter especially. We gave £50 as the bride and groom had asked for money. Of course we have never had a thank you

MissAdventure Mon 10-Feb-20 18:40:27

£40 sounds about right to me.

JOJO60 Mon 10-Feb-20 18:48:45

I dont agree with asking for money either, it takes away the feeling that you are giving a thoughtful gift. If it is a young couple starting out I would give store vouchers so they can buy something they need. But I have been to 2 weddings recently, both middle aged couples with their own homes, and requesting donations for the honeymoons. I didn't do that because I know they both have several foreign holidays per year so why should I pay for another one. Instead I bought them both a piece of crystal as a memento of their big day and both have since said how much they appreciate it.

rosecarmel Mon 10-Feb-20 18:54:35

100 if I don't attend, 200 if I do- Check/cash or in gifts if they're registered somewhere-

Hetty58 Mon 10-Feb-20 18:55:43

I'd rather give money as it saves a shopping trip and they can get what they really want or spend it on the honeymoon. Weddings are so expensive.

Just give what you can afford, there's no set amount. I'd usually give £100 unless it was closer family, then maybe £250. A goddaughter is (or should be) closer, though. My godparents were always very involved, helpful and generous.

Ellianne Mon 10-Feb-20 19:27:44

We give £50 each, so as a couple £100. Sometimes we gift it as traveller's cheques if it is for a honeymoon abroad.

ecci53 Mon 10-Feb-20 20:37:42

Thank you for the suggestions. They definitely want money as they have provided bank account details to do a bank transfer.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 21:28:10

Wow, some of you are much more generous than me, £100, £250. Glad I don’t get invited to weddings nowadays.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 21:30:47

Gone are the days when you were given a Pyrex dish or a pair of pillowcases. I suppose years ago it was all about setting up a home from scratch.

Sara65 Mon 10-Feb-20 22:07:54

We didn’t have much of a wedding, so not much in the way of presents. I remember a candlewick bed spread in a lurid green. A pair of pillowcases, some sort of swan shaped dishes, and that was about it. Not that we were expecting anything at all.

Ellianne Mon 10-Feb-20 22:09:47

I guess with the average wedding meal and drinks costing around £100 per person it seems mean not to give generously. Prices for wedding venues are crazy these days.

Calendargirl Mon 10-Feb-20 22:17:48

All the more reason to have a low key wedding. Often wonder after say 10 years of marriage, how many of the guests the bridal couple still keep in touch with or see anything of?

Sara65 Mon 10-Feb-20 22:21:07

Some friends of ours were explained to very politely that they would not be invited to a relatives wedding. The reason, each guest was costing £300 per head, including food, travelling between venues etc. So they were only inviting people who they considered would probably spend an equivalent amount on a present.

My friend said they did right, they would never have considered spending that much.

Farmor15 Mon 10-Feb-20 22:22:50

In Ireland I think average gift is €100 per person, so €200 from couple, but it would depend on your circumstances. It's very expensive to be invited to a wedding - funerals are much better - no presents, no special clothes, don't have very late night and loud music that you have to tolerate at weddings! But may get nice meal (quite common in Ireland to be offered full 3 course dinner after a funeral) and have a good chat.