Son seperated and I feel betrayed

Have you gone to meetings like gamblers anonymous?

Addictions are a family disease and you do not want to enable your son.
He needs to process the full consequences of his actions, like making sure he pays his debts from his gambling, not his parents.

It's that old chestnut 'unconditional' love, isn't it? Naturally we hope that some of our 'fixes' will result in a happier and more stable relationship with our families. However hope is the word and not expect. That would suggest we are regarding any help as a debt either mental or physical or both. Seems to me it's early days in the healing process of such a gigantic upset. If you have any sort of reasonable relationship with Dil's parents, maybe try communicating with them? Try to realise that in the grand scheme of things you are currently a low priority. I'm not saying that is how it should be: perhaps just is. I feel for you. Good luck.

Did your DIL lose her home because of the gambling? That will be something she would find it hard to deal with especially as your son now has a "lovely home" when the one she worked for has gone because of his behaviour

A very difficult situation to deal with. If DIL wont talk to you then you have no option but to explain to your son that you now want 1on1 contact with your GS. So both of you will need to renegotiate this via the legal system, whether he likes it or not. You now need to protect your time with GC

Jishere perfect solution

I could have written this. Son and dil split up few yrs ago. Dil moved in with boyfriend, we got asked to pick kids up once a week and have them til about 9 or 10 at night. We willingly agreed. All went well for a bout 6 months. Suddenly dil stopped asking, as they had moved and the house and their work were at same place. Kept asking if we could still pick them up but always excuses. We just feel used. Our son only sees them every other weekend so we dont really want to to take any of his time with them.

wee bit different Sally2019 teh OP's son gambled away his families savings ,her DIL didn't leave him for another man

Such a sad and difficult situation to be in but it sounds like you’ve done everything possible to help and can’t do any more now. What’s your relationship with the other Gran like ? Is she approachable and understanding? maybe you could you speak to her about how you’re feeling and how you’d like to spend time with your DGS ? There might be an opportunity to build bridges that way and ultimately do some joint childcare or have outings together with DGS ? Just a thought ....

Are you joking? Because grandma wants 1 on 1 time her son, who blew up the lives of his wife and child, should now drag them through more chaos and unpleasantness?? How incredibly selfish.

The child is not a time share. Please stop expecting his divorced parents to consider anything beyond their own scheduling needs and enjoy any time your son is willing to share with you. Your exDil is under no obligation to reduce her time with her son to guarantee you have alone time.

How insensitive and rude Outside Dave

My first comment was in response to shandy. Not sure what’s more insensitive than suggesting this woman force her son to take his ex to court to fulfill her demands. Im absolutely being blunt but I truly can’t fathom how someone can in good conscience expect an exCIL to sacrifice THEIR parenting time with their child to accommodate their ex’s parents. Absolutely baffling to me whenever I see this suggested.

My x sister in law took the same path with my niece as the x daughter in law in the OP- When my niece became of age she reestablished contact with us on her own- It was definitely heartbreaking at first, for the cousins, for all of us- But after she reestablished contact it was like she didn't miss a beat- She's remained a part of our lives to this day-

My x sis knew she was being unreasonable and vindictive- And we let her- No sense acting the same way and taking her bait so that she could up her game- It wouldn't have been in the best interest of my niece to go down that path-

"I have a feeling that sadly she may feel giving you access will lead to your son seeing more of him and it sounds like she doesn't want that."

Jishere may be right about this, Elaine. Plus, XDIL may think it's up to your DS to make sure you get time w/ GS. So I think your only recourse is to focus on whatever time you get to share w/ DS. Hopefully, this will increase in time. So sorry about this, but glad you seem to be acting reasonable about it.

Sally, I feel for you, as well. I don't think XDIL and her new chap meant to hurt you though. It's just that their needs changed. Perhaps it's a little selfish of them not to include you in the kids' lives, anyhow, especially since the kids had a relationship w/ you. But if it's any comfort, it may just not fit their current schedule. It's kind of you not to ask DS to share his limited visitation time w/ you, but perhaps he could, say, once a month? That wouldn't be the same as what you were used to, but maybe better than nothing?

After a year or so we were able to negotiate a week every year when the grandchildren would come to stay with us. This year we will have two weeks. This has worked well although, as we live abroad, it is very expensive in air fares. Perhaps like us you just need to let things settle a bit and try to work with your ex-dil to get more time.