Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Very quiet boy.

(44 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Wed 04-Mar-20 19:42:03

My 11yr old gs has been away for the weekend with all the family men, grandad,dad and uncles for football match. My other son told me the boy never spoke the whole weekend apart from yes and no when spoken to. He had told me nothing about the trip
but said just yes when I asked if it was good.
When I collect him twice a week he is the same and goes straight upstairs to play his x box.
Is this normal and how can we encourage him to engage more with family. Other gran says he is the same at her house.

Coolgran65 Thu 05-Mar-20 13:31:41

My dgd is 6 and does not have an ipad or phone. No tv in the house and is allowed 1 hour cartoons daily on dad's ipad.

I used to think it was a bit harsh but dgs (as yet) has not pushed to any screens of His own.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 05-Mar-20 13:42:45

The poor lad may have been overwhelmed by the large crowd - I wonder if he was teased, "Cat got your tongue?" etc.

Escaping with a mobile phone makes being antisocial easier and having more comfortable bedrooms than when we were young provides a nicely appointed 'cave.'
Did anyone see the film Spring and Port Wine on telly recently? The family of six all sat together in one room - no escaping to a sparsely furnished, unheated bedroom for any of them. Not perfect as tensions arose, but so different to modern life.

willa45 Thu 05-Mar-20 14:34:08

Being quiet shouldn't necessarily mean there's a problem if he's physically healthy, plays with other children and is otherwise content and well adjusted in school. I've also observed that people with above average intelligence tend to think more and talk less.

willa45 Thu 05-Mar-20 14:36:24

Need to clarify the above where 'quiet' applies to unfamiliar surroundings or situations.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 05-Mar-20 14:44:50

Lots of children, perhaps especially boys are not talkative at the age of 11.

Is this a new thing, or has he always been quiet? If it is new, it is probably due to pre-pubescent shyness. If he has always been quiet, then either he isn't very interested in football, or keen on all male company.

Some men don't talk - they just don't see the need. If the rest of the family are talkers, he probably doesn't see the need to say a cheep.

I once taught a pair of twins, the boy said nowt unless forced to speak, his sister had never held her tongue since she learned to speak, so he didn't need to talk!

JaneJudge Thu 05-Mar-20 15:35:20

Grandstands, I have a husband and two sons and I'm often baffled by the lack of detail in the conversations! The youngest is more chatty but the older one and my husband, I have no idea what the conclusions to some of their conversations are...they don't make sense confused grin

luluaugust Thu 05-Mar-20 17:20:41

Yes an awful lot of men don't engage in detailed conversation unless it is their interest or hobby. At 11 he may have been out of his depth with the male chat, or possibly teased, some men can't resist. I agree never ask a question that can just be answered yes or no.

endlessstrife Thu 05-Mar-20 17:25:44

My son was about 11 when he started to grunt answers. He didn’t speak much otherwise. I think it stopped when he got married aged 26, and he actually used to form complete or 4 words! Seriously though, this sounds very normal. With my kids, the boys were the ‘ movers’, the girls the ‘ speakers’.

endlessstrife Thu 05-Mar-20 17:26:41

should have said complete sentences of more than 3 .......

V3ra Thu 05-Mar-20 17:29:27

willa45 we have this on the wall, the children love it:

A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?

Daddima Thu 05-Mar-20 17:34:25

I had a wee giggle the other week when one of my friends said her grandson had learned to talk, then, when asked how old he was, she replied, ‘16’.

Saggi Thu 05-Mar-20 20:03:56

My grandkids aged 8 and 12 are only allowed 1 hour a day on ‘tech’....and they have to ask permission...even off me when I fetch from school. No phones or screen are allowed in bedrooms....even tv’s. It’s very easy .... just say “no”

HettyMaud Thu 05-Mar-20 22:18:51

Ha! Try saying no to a 13-year-old who ignores you and who is stronger than you. What do you do then? I've tried encouragement to get him to put the phone down, scolded him, asked him politely but nothing works. Only bribery left. I have actually given up which is sad but I know I'm fighting a losing battle.

BlueSky Thu 05-Mar-20 22:55:38

Got goodness' sake they are teenagers not toddlers eager to chat! Let them be if they want to be in their room on the phone or computer. You will be a lot more worried in a few years when they out at night and wonder what on earth were you fussing about.

willa45 Fri 06-Mar-20 13:56:18

V3ra

That's good advice for everyone.
smile

lindaween Mon 30-Mar-20 14:33:40

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lemongrove Mon 30-Mar-20 14:44:52

I agree BlueSky
It’s pretty normal teenage boy behaviour.Being harangued by Grandma into chatting isn’t something they relish.

MawB Mon 30-Mar-20 14:49:11

Awa an bile yer heid Lindaween