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When did you children fly the nest?

(46 Posts)
LaraGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 11-Mar-20 14:25:33

We've been asked to comment on this story for BBC Wales. Recent research shows that many over-55s think their children will never leave home. Be great to share gransnetters' experiences? Are your adult children still living with you? If not, how old were they when they moved out? How do you feel about that? smile

SalsaQueen Wed 11-Mar-20 14:28:54

I've got 2 sons. One was 25 when he left, but he's been back a few times when relationships broke down. He's now 38 and has been with us again for 3 months now.

2nd son left when he was 28, and is now 36. He owns his house and is very independent.

morethan2 Wed 11-Mar-20 14:40:47

16,19 22 I was upset at the first, the second was easier and I jumped for joy when the last one left. I love them dearly. I’d let them stay if needs be but I’d be handing over money for a deposit for their own place if they wanted to move back in.

TrendyNannie6 Wed 11-Mar-20 14:47:16

19,20,20.25.All flown and independent,

tanith Wed 11-Mar-20 14:55:40

The girls both 18 my son the baby was 28. My eldest daughter came back at 44 stayed for 3 yrs and then left again.

LaraGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 11-Mar-20 14:59:51

Thanks all, it would be great to know why they stayed so long (or not). Was it saving up for a mortgage? Struggling to find work? Any other reasons? Did you mind having them stay? Did they pull their weight?

GagaJo Wed 11-Mar-20 15:02:46

I left when daughter was 23 (I moved and she didn't want to come). She moved back in at 30 when she had my grandson, at the time due to ill health (hyperemesis) but has stayed because her flat (I gave her the deposit for it) is one bedroom and she can't afford to live independently with both of them until she can work full-time again.

paddyanne Wed 11-Mar-20 15:06:00

Daughter was 18 she came back a couple of times for a few weeks before she married at 23,Son left just before his 30th,he had gone at 21 but the relationship didn't last and he came back with one year old baby in tow.She has just started living with her dad and his new partner so she's been with us 10 years

Oopsminty Wed 11-Mar-20 15:06:06

My first left at 21 and I was fine about it.

Number 2 left at 23. I was fine about that as well

Number 3 left at 21. I was devastated and two years on I still struggle.

Maybe not struggle but I do miss her

They have all been very fortunate and have homes and secure jobs.

tanith Wed 11-Mar-20 15:08:48

My girls were both pregnant and moved in with boyfriends, my son was a late starter in the dating game 😂 he now lives abroad with his family. I was happy when he finally flew the nest. My daughter came home after her 25 yr relationship ended we had no concerns over her staying with us.

SueDonim Wed 11-Mar-20 15:11:10

It depends on what is meant by flying the nest. Is that departing at 18 for university but still coming home outside termtime, or is it when they have their own home, paid for by their own earnings, be that rent or mortgage?

dragonfly46 Wed 11-Mar-20 15:15:50

My DD left at 18 to go to uni and came back for a year after uni to a job near home and left again at 22. Son left at 19 to go to uni. Both doing well.

Grandma70s Wed 11-Mar-20 15:16:01

I packed them off to University when they were 18. They came back home for the odd month occasionally, but never really lived with me again.

This was the natural progression to me. I’d have been horrified to have adult children living with me. I sometimes felt a bit tearful when the youngest walked out of the door, but it was only momentary. What do we bring up children for if not to make their own way in the world?

They lived in a variety of university accommodation, rented flats, rented houses, then bought their own flats and eventually houses, with a bit of help from me.

annep1 Wed 11-Mar-20 15:29:14

My son at 18 went for a summer job in the Lake District and never came home. My daughter went to university in Manchester then home briefly and then to London to stay with a friend. I do miss them but I encouraged them to be independent as I wish my mum had done with me.

Ninarosa Wed 11-Mar-20 15:30:57

Son was 32 when he met his intended and very soon they were buying a house together. I enjoyed his company enormously ( when he was in ), but was pleased he'd been able to save while living at home.I miss his presence sometimes but not the extra cooking.

BlueSapphire Wed 11-Mar-20 15:52:11

Both DS and DD were early 20s. Went to uni at 18, came back at 21 stayed for a couple of years.
DS left to start a new job in London and rented a house with uni friends until he met his partner. Now back and living 15 minutes away from me with his family.
DD left to move into a rented flat as she had a serious boyfriend! Now married to him and living about 10 miles away.

M0nica Wed 11-Mar-20 16:59:10

DS came back after university as part of his post-graduate package. Bank loan for fees, part time job for pocket money and free board and lodging with us, we lived nearly outside the university entrance gates. He stayed another year when he was given a fees-free PhD place, but then inherited a small sum of money from his DGM that enabled him to move out and except for a few brief months, he hasn't lived at home since.

DD went to university in London when property prices hit rock bottom in the early 90s. It was cheaper to buy than rent. We guaranteed the mortgage, she let the second bedroom out to pay for it and moved out aged 20. She has never needed to move back.

SueDonim Wed 11-Mar-20 17:07:32

Ds1 came home for a year after uni, then left when he was about 23 and never lived at home again.
Ds2 lived abroad for a while at 18, came home again and stayed until he was about 24, but we ourselves were living abroad for some of that so he had the free run of house and cars! confused

Dd1 left home for uni at 18 and didn’t live at home again as we had another foreign posting ourselves.
Dd2 left at 18 but at 24 is still at uni and still seems to spend quite a lot of time at home. grin

threexnanny Wed 11-Mar-20 17:10:34

Both left home aged around 22. Missed the younger one the most as the house felt so empty with just OH and me.

fiorentina51 Wed 11-Mar-20 17:18:24

Both of mine went to university aged 18 and never really lived at home with us after that.

FlexibleFriend Wed 11-Mar-20 17:31:35

They both left at 26, one is single and 40 the other is 32 and married. The single one lives alone in a flat he owns the married one has moved back in with me due to my lack of mobility, along with his wife and young son. They own their own house but let it out so they stay on the property ladder.

The reason they stayed till 26 was so that they could save for a deposit and have their own transport etc. 26 wasn't a magic number or anything other than a coincidence.

Eloethan Wed 11-Mar-20 17:37:16

My daughter left when she was 16 - said we were too strict and controlling (which, on reflection, we were) and my son when he was around 20 (he'd split up with his then girlfriend and felt he was in a rut - he joined a house share and made new friends). However, they both still live fairly near, which is lovely.

callgirl1 Wed 11-Mar-20 17:39:49

I have 5 children. 3 stayed here until they got married, aged 21, 21 and 24. One left to live with his girlfriend when about 25, they later married. The eldest is still with me, aged 56, as she is disabled.

Chewbacca Wed 11-Mar-20 17:43:33

He left to get married when he was 24. Never been back because he has a wife and family of his own and is completely independent.

kittylester Wed 11-Mar-20 17:50:57

DS1 left at 18 to go to University and bobbed back a forth a bit then moved to Japan. His then wife delivered him home to us when he had a stroke and disappeared. He stayed 2 years or so and now lives independently.

DS2 left at 18 to go to University. He also bitted and bobbed about until he was about 28 and has lived with his partner since then.

DD1 went to university at 19 and hasn't lived at home since.

DD2 went to university at 18, dropped out a year later and lived with us while she did a management trainee job. She eventually left at about 22.

DD3 went to University at 19 and didnt return till her marriage broke up. She and 2 children lived with us (and she set up a business as a cake maker!) for about 2 years.

We are lucky that we can offer our children a home if they need one and even luckier that they turn to us when they are in need.