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Is this breaking the rules?

(60 Posts)
BonnieBlooming Thu 09-Apr-20 16:56:05

We live in a rural area with our DD, SIL and 11 month old DGS a couple of miles away on the edge of our nearest village. Before lockdown we saw a lot of them and helped out with the wee one, in fact we were due to start minding him 2 days a week from this week as my DD was to return to work. Obviously this has all changed since Covid 19 and we mostly chat on facetime or they deliver stuff to our door and return to beside their car and we chat from the window.
Last Saturday they called and came round into our back garden. We sat on our decking with them on one side and us the other (at least 3 metres apart). Tea was of course offered, but they had brought their own drinks and buns! We chatted for about 30 mins and then they left. No hugs, no cuddles with the baby. All conducted at 3+ metres distance and outside.
We would love to repeat this visit this Easter weekend. Normally we would join them for lunch on Easter Sunday and then a trip out on the Monday and a picnic, but of course none of that will happen this year. My worry is that we are breaking the rules. I know this is a difficult time for everyone at the moment and many grandparents are finding it hard not to be able to be hands on with their GC. What do you think?

BlueBelle Thu 09-Apr-20 17:01:52

It sounds innocent and well handled to me but you are right it is breaking the rules because it’s not just about distance is it it s about touching things too
We have all been asked not to go to each other houses or gardens I have a daughter up the road but she stays at the gate when she brings me any shopping and we haven’t been in each other’s houses or gardens for three weeks now
What happens if the baby put its arms out to cone to you and you have to turn it away
You will have to look clearly and see what your conscience says
I wouldn’t, but others might disagree

NfkDumpling Thu 09-Apr-20 17:08:35

I'm afraid Bluebell is right. What you did may be fine, but is it so very different from having a family BBQ - all distancing of course. But then some families may have a drink or two, forget and sit close to someone from another household.

The neighbours kids may then think if it's ok for you then they can have their mates round.

Sorry Bonnie it's a no-no.

Luckylegs Thu 09-Apr-20 17:09:07

I feel a bit guilty because my daughter who is a single mum only lives a mile away and has brought shopping for us and sat in the garden and had a cup of tea talking to us through the conservatory. I am worried that a neighbour may shop us but surely this is allowed? My husband makes sure I keep well back and he sterilises their cups afterwards.

gillybob Thu 09-Apr-20 17:10:30

I couldn’t do it . My youngest DGD is 23 months old and we are very close . She’s used to seeing me twice, three or more times a week . How on earth could I sit metres away from her ? It breaks my heart .

SirChenjin Thu 09-Apr-20 17:16:18

Bluebelle is right - households shouldn’t be mixing for all the reasons given.

Eglantine21 Thu 09-Apr-20 17:19:49

People seem very hung up on *the rules*There’s a simple principle.

The more we mix, the more the virus will spread. The more it spreads the more people will die. Only mix when you have no alternative.

Does that help you to make a decision?

Greymar Thu 09-Apr-20 17:22:21

I have a similar scenario but without delightful little GC. I'm not sure.

Eg, of course you are correct but we are human , not automata.

Chestnut Thu 09-Apr-20 17:23:47

Personally I find nothing wrong with socialising outside on your own property at a good distance. The important thing is whether this is food delivery because you are self-isolating or a social visit. Food delivery is allowed, and whether they stay a bit longer after delivering your food is between you and your conscience. I see nothing wrong with that.
If people just go driving around visiting relatives then that is against the rules.

rosenoir Thu 09-Apr-20 17:26:21

I think the problem is what if everybody did this?

Nobody is special so it is better that we all stick to the rules.

vampirequeen Thu 09-Apr-20 17:32:51

We share a communal garden with our neighbours. We sit outside and chat making sure we're at least 2m apart. I can't see how that's much different provided your family don't have to travel too far.

Scentia Thu 09-Apr-20 17:33:18

It is breaking the rules, you risk a disgruntled neighbour shopping you and that risks this situation going on and on. I drove past my DD house today and chose not to stop and wave at my DGS through the window as it would break my heart not to scoop him up and kiss him, I chose to stay away and if everyone could do that this sorry situation could be over sooner.

Coolgran65 Thu 09-Apr-20 17:33:22

Today our son brought us some food and set it at the back door. He stepped back up the drive. Two dgc age 12 and 11 stood up the drive. We talked for about 10 minutes at about 10 ft apart. No drinks. No sitting down. And off they went with air kisses. Really safe.

I didn’t think we were breaking any rules but now not sure.

Greymar Thu 09-Apr-20 17:34:55

Is the disgruntled neighbour a member of the Stasi?

SirChenjin Thu 09-Apr-20 17:35:49

If anyone in the group has the virus but is currently asymptomatic then they will be spreading the virus - on things they touch, in coughs or sneezes (there’s some evidence from lab tests that this could be 6m and not 2) and so on. The guidelines about not mixing households really are there for a reason - difficult though it may be it’s only for a short period of time and it’s just not worth the risk for a couple of hours and a cup of coffee. My sister is in her forties, fit and healthy, and very, very fortunately recovering from a mild case of covid - 2 weeks on and she’s still exhausted and short of breath. She said she wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Just don’t do it, it could have a tragic outcome.

Scentia Thu 09-Apr-20 17:41:48

The less time you spend near other people the better. Whatever the rules, just lets get through this and then life can return to normal. It is this constant attempt to bend and break rules that is going to extend our lockdown period, putting many people out of business and killing many many more people.

ExD Thu 09-Apr-20 17:44:01

Just imagine how you would feel if you infected THEM. How would you feel if you gave it to your GCs and one of them DIED? Just because you're older and 'vulnerable' doesn't mean they aren't vulnerable too.
Better to miss them for a month or two than to miss them for the rest of your life! So NO - stay away - that's the best way to show you love them.

M0nica Thu 09-Apr-20 17:58:25

Rules have a spirit and a letter. Look at the purpose of the rules, the purpose of the rules is to stop Covid-19 spreading by minimising contact between people.

On that basis, you would be within the letter of the law, but then you need to look at the spirit of the law, which is to minimise the opportunity of the virus spreading and while one family doing what you are thinking of doing would be unlikely to spread the virus, you need to think what effect hundreds or thousands of families doing what you are thinking of doing and it becomes a avery different matter and I think for that reason, the meeting you plan would be going completely counter to the whole meaning and spirit of the regulations.

Eglantine21 Thu 09-Apr-20 18:09:34

Members of my family, every day put their lives on the line to care for people who thought they were safe following the rules

The rules are not a definite safety net. They are the best that can be advised whilst allowing absolutely necessary things to happen like getting food, medicine, taking enough exercise to keep you healthy. Every social contact carries a risk.

People still think it won’t happen to them.

BonnieBlooming Thu 09-Apr-20 18:10:20

Thank you folks. I appreciate you advice. I felt a bit uncomfortable about it which was why I posted. It is killing me not cuddling the baby but I haven't. It's also hard because my daughter is pregnant again and I cant give her practical support. New baby due in September so hopefully things will be better by then and something wonderful to look forward too!

SirChenjin Thu 09-Apr-20 18:13:50

If she’s pregnant then she’s in the at risk category, isn’t she? []]] All the more reason not to do it.

SirChenjin Thu 09-Apr-20 18:14:09

ExD Thu 09-Apr-20 18:16:02

Wonderful, uplifting news but a really important reason to stick firmly to the rules and make sure your daughter stays super safe.

Hithere Thu 09-Apr-20 18:18:33

Team no

Trisha57 Thu 09-Apr-20 18:37:30

I'd say absolutely not........households mixing at one another's homes, even if staying the recommended distance, is against the rules, I believe. I too would love to see my GC, but have had to make do with a Skype session every weekend, because I truly believe that the more we avoid any social contact, the quicker this will all be over and we can be reunited with our loved ones sooner rather than later. I feel for you, I truly do, but just not worth the risk.