Worried about DD and bf relationship

My sister is controlling- Very much so- Its her life, her kids, her marriage- Her home- Not her husbands- It never has been- He puts up with it-

It's not a matter of meaning well, that others deem her behavior to be- Having her way is more important than people and relationships-

I wouldn't dream of telling other adults what time to get up.
Sounds like they're looking after their baby and not expecting you to?
If your daughter fancies a walk and he doesn't, she should just go, not argue about it.
I'd be quite happy with him spending time upstairs if he's gaming rather than cluttering up my lounge! Why does that cause a row? Your daughter can surely stay downstairs without him?
If the boyfriend starts explaining their rows to you, I'd say jokingly, "Ooh dear, leave me out of it!"
We all need a bit of distance, even in the same house. It does sound like your daughter expects them to be in each others' company all day long, or does he expect her always to be with him?

I think that the posters who are acknowledging that potentially this relationship might be moving into/already be coercive control, based on the information given so far, are correct to raise it for consideration.

In a healthy relationship it is absolutely right not to get involved.
In a potentially coercive control relationship it is absolutely appropriate to consider ways to support the victim that enables them to consider their situation rationally. Rational thought is very very hard for a victim of coercive control.

Those who aren't seeing red flags in the OPs description have perhaps never observed and/or experienced a coercively controlled relationship.

A very tricky situation. If your daughter wants to go for a walk and he doesn’t could you or your partner/husband go with her instead? Opportunity perhaps for a little chat. Or, could your partner suggest to the boyfriend could he give him a hand with some job in the garden or something. Give him something to do. Could they cook a meal one night, give you a rest? Would that work?

Sorry to be blunt, but he sounds like an absolute arse.

A friend in a similar position, said nothing, did nothing, just acted in a warm and friendly way to both but quietly undermined him, encouraged her DD to act independently, when she wanted to train for a profession, in your case you could express sympathy for his families problems etc etc.

They were working on the assumption that showing any concerns about the relationship could be used by him to encourage their daughter to turn against them.

It was a very thin tight rope they trod, but it worked, their daughter began to see a few niggles herself and her parent's support began to worry her because she could see the problems - and it worked, she saw through him, the relationship broke down and she was so grateful to her parents for all the support she had given her and her ex.

At the same time another friend just barged in heavy handed, DD promptly got married to the boyfriend and had a miserable 5 year marriage,

well if he's living with you at the moment. i would say to him .dont talk like that in my house. ask him to do jobs around the house. .no jobs .no internet.......ask your daughter why doesnt she go for a walk with the baby ,get her some excercise...

DD does go for walks on her own, but she does also go upstairs with him, but again he would never stay downstairs if she asked him too, it's like she follows him but he doesn't follow her back, that side of it does bother me but I think he thrives on it if he's working, she's downstairs all the time chatting and being sociable, definitely more talkative, I like Monica's idea of being nice to him etc