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Should I meet my mum, 66yrs age and lives alone

(136 Posts)
Cplj Tue 21-Apr-20 10:59:27

She is really struggling- calling me every other day crying saying anxiety and blood pressure are up.. she wants to meet me and my 1.5 yr old son and go for a walk in the park, I feel the pressure massively - my brother lives in US and is saying he sees no problem meeting her - she has been to my sisters and stayed for one night also but seems more drawn to meeting me.. my husband has made it very clear he doesn’t want her staying at the house or seeing her.. she thinks he is being controlling- a few things going on here. I called age uk for advice but they can’t make the decision. My mum hardly has any interests and lays on the sofa most of the day. She infuriates me massively and yet I feel the responsibility.

Rose30 Wed 22-Apr-20 21:16:35

I agree with Swan. If you are all self isolating then no problem walking if you are 6 feet apart. I am in week 7 and it's hard!

DotMH1901 Wed 22-Apr-20 21:45:07

I don't think you should call your Mum's GP, I don't think she has mental health problems, she is most likely just missing the freedom she had before the lockdown. Did you take your child to see her before this all started? If so then she must be missing seeing him. I agree that you shouldn't risk your son by taking him with you to see your Mum and she should understand this. Can you Facetime each other? My niece is badly missing her five grandchildren but she makes a Facebook post everyday for them and my Gt nieces and Gt nephew make sure they show it to their children who can then call Nanny up on the internet and chat to her.

GabriellaG54 Thu 23-Apr-20 02:03:43

If you or your son caught the virus from your mother who is seeing her other daughter (your sister) who may have caught it from someone when she shops...would your mother feel guilty...or would she moan that she had no-one to talk to as you lay on a ventilator fighting for your life?
Your mother sounds an unthinking selfish... person. Me me me.
Tell her to WhatsApp or explain how to do it...or Zoom if you must. She's far from being 'old' and is playing you like the proverbial violin.
If you like extending your chances of contracting a possibly deadly virus...then go.
If you are sensible and take into account your son and your husband, you will definitely but kindly tell her no.
Let her cry and play on your emotions regarding her health. She is ignoring the danger to you and your son and your husband and making any health issues of her own, worse.
Your mother seems self absorbed in her own wants and misery.
If this seems harsh, it's not. I've toned it down so as not to upset you.
Your mother needs to own her own state of mind and not ask you to compromise your and your family's health and possibly your lives.
She'd have no-one to ring then...would she?

ReadyMeals Thu 23-Apr-20 10:49:54

No she's not selfish, she's just coping in her own way like we all are. The best way to handle any of this sort of conflict is to simply listen to the government guidelines. It makes the situation much easier when we can simply say to people like that "sorry that would be against the law" when they want a visit or whatever. If she can't cope with the law being the law then she'll need to find some other way to get help for that, like speaking to her GP about getting something to make her feel calmer.

kwest Thu 23-Apr-20 11:21:04

Look up the definition of narcissist. Your mother seems to fit that description very well.

ReadyMeals Thu 23-Apr-20 11:28:26

I think I've had enough of amateur psychology kwest, what with toxic, sociopath and narcissist being bandied about as excuses to cast people aside. At the end of the day I think we're all just doing the best we can with whatever qualities God or nature (according to one's beliefs) put us on earth with.

Hetty58 Thu 23-Apr-20 11:54:04

Cplj, how upsetting for you. I'm 66 and on my own (recently bereaved) too - yet I see my role as reassuring my family, not adding to their stress.

Your mum should contact her GP. She may need antidepressants. Do not meet her. I'm sure that she's just not thinking straight. Phone or FaceTime instead and stick to your guns.

lizkaz1 Thu 23-Apr-20 16:19:28

Please don’t be tempted. My dad is seriously ill in hospital with COVID. We have no idea how he caught is as they have been isolating for weeks. My own mom is struggling with all this on her own. It’s hard but better that than lose her.

Franbern Thu 23-Apr-20 19:36:57

It is not against any law for people to go for a walk in the local park. And, if you happen to see someone you know there, there is no law against you having a chat - staying at least two metres away from each other.
Do not think a lot of people really understand how dreadful this loneliness can be, and desperate need to just actually to see and talk to someone else.
I am really horrified as to the total lack of any sort of empathy from so many posters.....also people (with little or no knowledge_ so quick to judge and come in with words like depressed - yes, most of us are depressed, not clinically so.
Technology as wonderful as it is does not quite cut it for me. My whole family had one 'all=in together Zone meet=up, all five of my children, their partners and all the g.children and me. It was nice, but somehow, it actually emphasised to me how times have changed. I am not keen on repeating this. I still prefer a phone call to a email message and skype is fine for me to talk to me younger g.children, but do not really like this for adults.
A weekly phone chat with my children (all of whom, but one live some distance away), is lovely - but my once a week proper chat with the one who lives nearby in the local park is a life-line. We do not touch, or come close to each other, but it is good to see and talk in the flesh so as to speak
Think this is what the original posters Mum wants, and can see no good reason for her not to have it -no different (as has been said), of standing at the bottom of the front garden and chatting.
Too many people on here who seem to mis-understand the reasons behind the rules for social distancing and what social distancing means.
I have hear of people who are 'shielding' being scared of going out into their own quite large gardens 'in case their neighbours report them'.
We really need to keep a good sense of perspective in these times, as in all times and to remember that humans are social animals.

Eloethan Sat 25-Apr-20 22:29:34

I agree Franbern.