Losing your looks

Kitty
I remember when we had profiles on GN. Yours is a face that I still remember. I thought you looked lovely.

For most of my life I have had poly cystic ovary syndrome; so I had very greasy hair and skin, chronic acne, superfluous hair in abundance, reduced fertility and several miscarriages when I did manage to conceive. Why am I saying this? Because as soon as I had gone through the menopause the greasy hair and skin stopped as did the acne, the excess hair disappeared and I thought to myself; 'perhaps this is what I should have always looked like'! I spent so many years desperately unhappy about my looks, now I am grateful that I don't have those problems.
You do have my sympathy,by the way, before anyone thinks I am being mean . I am not . I just wish I could look at photos of me when younger and not see the chronic acne !

That's really kind MerylStreep but it was an awfully long time ago!!

I’m nearly 67 and feel 30 in my head most of the time ( sometimes 80 on a very bad day!) I do dye my hair and am not happy it’s gone back to grey at the moment ( my children say I have still got some of my original colour as well but it’s hard to see that yourself). I have good skin and have been fanatical about skincare all my life so although my face has some wrinkles my neck and chest are still wrinkle free.

I wear bright colours ( had my colours done years ago) and jewellery and a little makeup and mostly feel good about myself now. I had zero confidence when I was young, but as someone else said, I too have grown into myself and am much more confident now I’m older. I am happy in my own skin it’s good if you can learn to love yourself. Smile don’t frown and enjoy your life, it’s certainly unusual at the moment and none of us want the alternative. Hope you feel happier soon.

I’m not worried about ageing, I’ve hardly aged at all. I do make a big effort with make up and dress, and regularly visit the hairdressers. I think it’s much more important to focus on the inside, on showing happiness and interest and never being sour or closed off to new things. I hate getting older but not because of looking it.

No, my big problem seems to be that every time I go out - especially to a big store or somewhere where there are lots of mirrors, I’ve caught a glimpse of a strange old woman who has taken to following me around. She has attempted to copy my hairstyle, but otherwise looks a lot older than me, has loads of wrinkles and needs a bit of a makeover, I think. She gets in the way, prevents me from making sensible decisions and sometimes I give up in disgust and just go home empty-handed.

Fortunately she hasn’t turned up at home yet - perhaps because we don’t have enough mirrors and lighting to interest her, poor old soul.

Laser treatment is good for the facial hair - expensive but sometimes available via Groupon deals and the like. Shouldn’t shave. I never wear make up either but in normal times spend a bit on regular eyebrow waxing or threading ; and tinting. Sometimes have eyelashes tinted too. Makes a difference.
A decent hairdresser can make a huge difference.
Don’t despair! I wish I was 59!

It must be worse for people who have been beautiful. I've never been so I don't feel it's loss. But it happens to us all in varying degrees.
The person that I think I am, in my head, is very different from the glimses I get in mirrors and shop windows. It's quite a shock sometimes!
But we can only make the best of what we've got. Looking after your skin is quite important, a good moisturiser with SPF will definitely help. And it's amazing what a bit of lippy and mascara will do. But then just relax. What you feel inside is more important.

Everyone says smile, but that is when I look at my worst because of loss of flesh round the mouth - I look like a skeleton when I smile - I even frighten myself when I do it in the mirror!!!

But........in many ways I do not care to be honest. There is nothing I can do about it, and I work on the principle that if folk don't like it they can look the other way!

I was very pretty in my day - everyone said so and the photos bear this out. But I do not mourn this loss. It is simply how life is.

One good thing is that I have no wrinkles. A GP friend of mine believes I have some syndrome (can't remember name) that is to do with connective tissue and she says this is why I have no wrinkles - but I do have a lot of joint pain to counter-balance it!

We just have to take what life chucks at us and try and stay afloat. I immerse myself in music - I can still enjoy that even if I look a fright!

My 85 year old cousin has no wrinkles. She looks wonderful ?

On bad days I look like an old dog but there’s nothing to be done except try hard. I do hate not getting my hair coloured though.

It’s a lot harder to accept the ageing process if you were very pretty - thankfully, I always looked like the back of a bus so it’s much easier for me ?

I'd like to have bushy hair! Have you thought about growing it long and luxurious and tying it loosely at the nape of the neck in a pre-Raphaelite chignon? I can't get over someone complaining about bushy hair!

As for the facial problems, learn to do make up that disguises defects That Maybelline stuff someone recommends sounds good Maybelline are good at eye makeup. Probably pat it on lightly don't smear or rub.

Facial hair: shaving or alternatives depend on how much and how strong. I shave as I am basically sort of fair skinned and only a few wiry hairs on chin and upper lip.

Another advantage of ageing is that everytbing is a blur without my specs on. To paraphrase Hilary Clinton "you can change your hair and your shoes but the rest is up to nature"
.

I was very pretty back in the day, and whilst I can still scrub up fairly well when I get my hair done, and put on some makeup, nothing can hide my now-drooping eyelids (once my best feature), my downturned mouth at the corners, and the sagging jowls which suddenly seemed to appear overnight!

Sometimes, when I see a beautiful celebrity who's the same age as me, I start to wonder why my looks (and body!) have slipped. However, when I think about the grueling lifestyles that some of them lead in order to remain looking that way ... strict faddy diets, hours of gym sessions, botox, etc ... Frankly, I'd rather be me!

I have two lovely grownup children, a beautiful little GD, and a husband who still loves me after all these years ... even on my worst days!Lol We should all be thankful for what we do have, and not mourn the loss of youthful looks, which were part of who we were ... but we're still the same people ... just with more interesting features, that have a stories to tell.

It's the drooping eyelids that bother me the most. And the furrows of lines that look like a road map of Britain. And the hair that, now it hasn't been dyed, is almost completely white. Oh, and the lips that seem to have shrunk so much they're like a lizards. Other than that I'm ok.

I don’t mind looking older but am struggling with looking miserable. Corners of my mouth turned down and marionette lines. Jowls and hooded eyes. I am not a miserable person in the slightest and do smile a lot but my resting face just looks so grumpy. What with that and the scary hairy moles I look like an old style Disney witch. However, I have never felt more relaxed and blessed than I do now. Loving life and thankful for every day. The outside doesn’t match the inside.???

grandmafrench... that was very funny?

I don’t think I mind about losing looks, it’s natural isn’t it? Add to that the fact that I never care what other people think,
Which always helps.?

My hat is off to those of you that don’t let aging or your looks bother you. I’m going to work at that myself. In response to the bushy hair being a good thing, I’ve grown my hair long and worn it a few different ways. I’m just not very good at styling it. I’m worse with a curling iron than with a flat iron. I’ve heard of a chignon and intend to look it up on YouTube and see if I can do it. I’ve also tried hot rollers and currently I’m using pink sponge rollers occasionally with some luck.

As far as make-up, I have learned that less is more. I use a powder foundation, mascara only on my upper lashes (my poor eyes are barely visible due to bags and droopiness), and a bit of blush and lipstick.

Many of you mentioned taking really good care of your skin. I’ve done that too. I’ve worn sunscreen on all exposed areas since I was about 19. However, I laid in the sun a lot from the age of 13-19, so that is 6 years of a lot of damage! My dad and two brothers could grow a beard in no time, so I’m guessing that that is the reason I have a mustache and a beard. I heard that shaving is bad on a woman’s face. Any ideas?

Kittylester - you have a rude and obnoxious neighbor!
Marydoll - You’re lovely
Twice as nice - I envy you
Grandmafrench - You’re a smart and funny lady! When I first look in the mirror, I see my mother, then my daughter, then I blink and see an old, tired woman that’s a bit creepy looking!
Kate54 - Thanks for the great ideas.
Kandinsky - You’re funny - I love you!
Nansnet - You’re smart

I was very pretty, probably up to about 47/8 but then all the trauma of cancer and multiple surgeries caught up with me and I seemed to age 10 years overnight.

I’m lucky that I’ve always valued my intellect over my looks, but working around teenagers is hard. They have soft and firm skin and just glow with health. I feel like a fat, wrinkled old prune in comparison.

Lookernomore You really do seem to have grasped the 'getting older' thing. And the way that you write, you sound as if you've got so much spark and humour and honesty that there's certainly no need to worry about or fear those blurry images that keep turning up in your mirror.

Just carry on being you, I think you're doing fine. Make your hairdresser your friend (I'd kill for thick hair now), less is more with the cosmetics, use some good night cream, and don't use a razor on your face or we'll all come to get you!!!!! Shaving only makes much bigger problems, use a special bleaching cream like Jolen on your moustache instead, and consider laser treatment or take the advice of a beauty salon, or become a fiend with a good pair of tweezers if there's not too much growth on your face.... you are in no way doomed to become your brothers any day soon!! Every woman in the world needs to keep some tweezers handy after 40, I reckon.

Join in with things, try to do one small thing just for you every day, take a class, go dancing or go walking and make sure you meet up with your women friends for a damn good laugh as much as possible when we're free again. People are always drawn to your character, not your looks. If only the surgically changed, plumped, ironed, Botoxed and filled girls of today could grasp that looks go first, because once we accept that we no longer need to be shallow slaves to our appearance 24/7, watching others watching us. We've all met people like that - sad! Enjoy life, relax, stay safe and please keep posting.

No wonder my laugh-lines are getting deeper and more pronounced----it's some of the posts on here, they're hilarious

Thanks for all the good information and warm responses. You know it just seems like yesterday I was young and vibrant. I worked out as a hobby, literally. I loved being a young wife to a fabulous man and mother to two daughters I adored. My daughters grew up and had my five adorable grandchildren. I love all of them to bits, but I wish I wasn’t so darn dead tired. I spent tons of time with my first two - grandson (age 15) and granddaughter (age 10) but GS (9), GS (9) and GD (8) have been neglected by me. When my grandchildren stay with me, I drop everything to play and laugh and teach (their parents don’t do enough teaching). They all love to stay with their Nana and Papaw, and now I don’t get them as much because they wear me out and get on my nerves so bad. This makes me feel so guilty! Can anybody relate to this?

Gagajo I feel you. I’ve had thyroid disease since I was 30, terrible digestion with Barrett’s esophagus, and most recently, trochanter bursitis and patellofemoral syndrome. I’m in pain a fair amount of time. Currently I have esophagitis and gastritis. I definitely believe disease and pain can age a person a great deal. Sometimes it just makes it hard to smile! Bless you and take care!

What you see in the mirror are the signs of experience!
You have done and know things that others lack.
Be proud of your knowledge.

I can't lose them as I never had them in the first place. Although I did see a photo of me taken in my 40s and I thought, 'oh, I wasnt that bad!'.

However, I do know what you mean!

I hope it was a joke about shaving - don't, either use an epilator or wax strips if you can or I think there are home lasers etc.

Could that be a sign of hormone imbalance if you have a lot of facial hair?